Shuggananas
Banned
No need to be fatalist, abortion is an option for a reason, be glad you have it
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I found out I got a girl pregnant, advice?
- Thread starter ChouGoku
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No need to be fatalist, abortion is an option for a reason, be glad you have it
I don't think you actually understand the argument. Fairness is on the side of the man getting rid of responsibility. If you don't like that then it's fine, but stop the bullshit please.
Edit: Ultimately i don't really care even if it were not fair. I would still put a currently productive member of society above a mere possibility.
Its only an option if she wants it. An awful lot of people on GAF and in real life seem to think that the only unwanted consequence of sex is pregnancy and seem to forget the myriad of stds you can get esp Hiv which ain't that easy to solve
ClosingADoor
Member
No, that is not fair to the woman. That means a man can just take off and not care for his child. If he doesn't want to be a dad, fine, they can work that out and he just pays his child support. He has that choice.
His life is "over" if he keeps a baby? the fuck? What hyperbole. In reality, the baby's life is over if he doesn't.
I'm not telling OP what to do other than talk it out with the girl and decide what's best for both of them, but certainly, if they end up deciding to keep the baby, things will be hard, but parenthood doesn't make your life "over." It changes your life, it doesn't finish it, and some people don't regret that.
Gravy Boat
Member
It's not about what's fair to him though. You're making it out that he should have equal opportunities to bail as the women in this situation just because equality. He had all the opportunities to avoid this situation. He made a choice and is now facing the consequences of that decision. He doesn't get to absolve himself from financial support just because he doesn't like the outcome of this decisions. That's really all there is to it.
Shuggananas
Banned
Serious question time. Obviously if the man wants the mother to have an abortion but she doesn't, he can't force her. But can a woman have an abortion without the consent of the dad ?
edit : now that I think of it most probably yes, just because of rapes and shit, makes sense
edit : now that I think of it most probably yes, just because of rapes and shit, makes sense
The whole "unprotected sex" automatically equals offspring strikes me as odd considering the original poster's whole quandary is the woman mildy attempting to back out of an abortion.
No one's life deserves to be sidetracked because of a foolish night in their youth. And thanks to modern medicine it doesn't have to!
No one's life deserves to be sidetracked because of a foolish night in their youth. And thanks to modern medicine it doesn't have to!
If his life is over maybe he should have wore a condom a hell of lot cheaper and easier but he didn't. So he needs to make the best of a bad situation and if she decides to keep the baby then he should take an active part in their life, make the best of a bad situation
ClosingADoor
Member
Yes, she has the right to do that.
I never had a foolish night in my youth though. Can I have some sort of ribbon or certificate of accomplishment? Lol
Or maybe I just get my wizard powers when I reach 30.
Holy fuck, what did they sign a contract before hand, some of ye need to get out into the real world
RoninChaos
Member
This is the official phrase of being an irresponsible pussy. Anything to get out of a situation you helped cause.
My dad grew up fatherless, granted his father died of polio when he was 2, but he still didn't have a father for most of his life. He had his share of difficulties, but he turned out ok. There are bunches of kids that grew up in single parent households for a few reasons, and they handled it. This notion that the kid has a 99% chance of being fucked up is idiot talk. I know its ideal for child development to have a two parent household, but there are other factors that have impact as well.
Feel the Swift
Member
Feel your pain OP. Just had a pregnancy scare as well. Always wrap beforehand but my gf was a couple days late. Finally got it though. Sorry about your luck and hope it all works out.
watch the juno movie
I am always pro-life especialy if you love her,
can you imaging a little mini you a reflection or your love
It's so cute man,
I hope you guys give the little girl or guy a chance
yeah well from the sound of it, it doesn't seem like OP is ready to live with his ex-gf (even if she wants him to)
or become a father. If she doesn't want an abortion there's nothing he can do about it but pay up for his mistakes and be there for the child but honestly this whole thing doesn't exactly look like a loving relationship that would last a life time (unless I missed some new developments on the last few pages of this thread). OP sort of has every reason to freak out now but it's also his fault
Just as the woman did. Yet she still has a choice.
Gravy Boat
Member
He also had a choice.
There would never be a situation that a man can be forced to pay for a child while the woman doesn't, just because she doesn't want to.
At that point it's not the fetus right, that's just after the child is born, it's the woman's, it's not that hard to get, really.
If we consider unprotected sex in these conditions a mistake, then the woman would be the only one to pay the price for it in your scenario no matter her choice regarding an abortion because she still would have to subject herself to a medical procedure and would have to shoulder all the issues related to that or have to pay for the child by herself. The man, on the other hand, would just walk away with no trouble associated to his actions.
Hell, in that situation, if we discount the risk for infections, for a man unprotected sex without wanting a child wouldn't even be a mistake because he'd have no risk associated with it, he could just waltz out of the door.
You are trying very hard to say that fairness in amount of choices is the important part, but in reality it is the fairness in the face of consequences that matters, whoever shoulders more risks, obviously gets more room to decide and the freedom of choice of each individual cuts off at different points.
What you are advocating is not fairness, it's a man's right to do what he wants without having to consider the results of his actions.
Seriously, some people are way too optimistic about this whole thing. Life isn't a movie and OP just wanted to get his weiner wet, not start a life with his fuck-buddy. He made a monumentally idiot move in the process. That's not a great way to begin a relationship that will produce an adult.
Neither have I, and some people don't.
There is such a concept as a verbal agreement. Nevertheless, this conversation does take place in the real world.
She still has a choice because an abortion or a pregnancy are medical and biological events that affect her body. She is the only one who can have a say. She can choose to have or not have a procedure and the male can deal with the consequences because that's a biological reality.
If you're not ready to become a father use protection. That's the moment the male has a choice so make it the choice you are prepared for.
But there is a situation where she gets a baby(or not) whether the man want's one or not.
blankempathy
Member
Have kids because you want them. Not because you fucked up and now you are stuck. Goes for her as well. If she wants to have it then just be there for her and your kid. Whether you wanted to have them or not they are still your child. You owe to both yourselves to have a real conversation and plead a case to why you don't want to have a kid. Just don't be a dick about it.
Irrelevant. A man's choice ends with ejaculation time and location. Act accordingly.
Listen, it may not be the happy hollywood way to handle this, but if he's not ready to be a father he needs to tell her that he will be a deadbeat scumbag. Show her that episode of Fresh Prince where Will Smith gets all weepy about his dad. Tell her that would be their son.
Seriously though his only absolute obligation to the child will be decided via the court. Otherwise he doesn't have to "become a father" in any sense but the biological and most literal one.
Gravy Boat
Member
Yes there is, and men can prevent that by not having unprotected sex. What you're advocating is a situation where men are free to walk away and leave the woman to financially support a child on her own. There is no situation where that would be possible for the woman, so despite your claims that you're looking for equality, that's not equal.
We're going round in circles at this point so I don't feel like continuing. Ultimately, you're wrong. The law is against your ideals and for good reason. He had a choice, made his choice and these are the consequences. An innocent child's welfare should not suffer because he doesn't like the fact that he lost a gamble.
Im sure you can make that fact once you are the king of the world, alas...
It's not a perfect solution but just the same way biology is not the same between a man or a woman. You haven't really provided a logical justification on why im wrong aside from "i don't like it".
Well naturally. He can have no personal investment in the child's life if the woman has the baby. That's a choice, sure.
Financially he has no say. That's just reality.
It's a simple biological fact. It's not opinion.
Since when is there no situation where it is possible for a woman to financially support herself and a child? Lots of women have great, well paying, jobs that could completely allow them to raise a child on their own.
Really not advocating for the abandonment of single mothers!
blankempathy
Member
I think they meant legally. Obviously depends where you are.
ClosingADoor
Member
Your 'logical' justification is "I don't want to pay (if needed)", which also isn't very good.
Oops I think you're right! My bad!
Gravy Boat
Member
I meant legally, as in there's no situation where a woman could just walk away from the situation, leaving the man to financially support it on his own.
Yes I have. You've just repeatedly ignored and responded with 'But the woman gets a choice'. This is a very simple situation and I'm tired of having to repeat myself to explain something a young child could understand.
Gravy Boat
Member
Sorry, double post.
Valjean Lafitte
Banned
Triggerhappytel
Member
Of course she can. She's the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months and give birth, and will probably be the primary caregiver. It's her body; her decision, and I'm sure women suffer psychological damage from this kind of thing far, far more than men do.
To be clear: are you saying men shouldn't be legally bound to give financial support to the child if they don't want a part and are pro-abortion? If you just don't want kids that's fine, but I want to make sure I'm not getting your stance mixed up with Nabbis.
Wiktor
Member
Yes. Father's opinion doesn't matter, at least untill we develop artificial wombs. THen I imagine in case of father's protest woman won't be allowed to abort and the child will just be extracted and grown artificially.
FinalStageBoss
Banned
Lol congrats on the kid op!
I have not formed an opinion about the OP's situation, I was merely discussing his feelings of not wanting to raise a child.
"Don't have sex if you don't want kids, otherwise your life is fucked" is something i would expect from a missionary in the 1500s. Perhaps it is that simple for simple minded.
Valjean Lafitte
Banned
Yeah, why should the father have any say into whether or not his baby's life is terminated? /s
Valjean Lafitte
Banned
Because adoption is totally not a thing.
t-storm
Member
He specifically said don't have unprotected sex if you don't want kids:
Look, this isn't rocket science but both the OP and the girl knew what would happen if they didn't use protection.
Bot oops, the OP's "pull out game was weak" (his words) and oops, babby is formed.
Deal with it.
Also, OP you're going to be turning a quarter of century. One would think you were a teenager using words like "mistakes happen" and "pull out game was weak." Time to grow the fuck up.
To the OP: I was 22 when I got my (now) wife pregnant, and became a father at 23. He is 4 now and we are expecting our second next year. I do think that being a parent is one of the hardest things you can do but I also found out that I was capable of far more than I thought I was. I have the benefits of being with the mother of my child in a wonderful loving relationship, but if she decided to keep the child you should consider being a responsible father and split parenting time. I am so glad that I am a father and love my son more than I knew I could.
On the flip side, this is option opens up so many avenues for abuse. A man can do this over and over and have 30 of his biological offspring out there and have no legal responsibility to them. A mother could in a similar way have a child from any man she sleeps with and have the government pick up the tab every single time. Essentially it would encourage bad behavior which laws try not to do.
Have I told you lately that I love you?
The difference is they aren't a family. They aren't even dating, let alone committed.
A part of me advocates option 2 with the government picking up the tab. There are already a lot of options out there to give financial aid to single parents. Also in a large way it would be better for the single parent because child support payments are often late and insultingly small, compared to from the government where it would be reliable and calculated to be the correct amount. This also has the added benefit of being the most "fair" to all involved. The parent has all of the responsibility but all of the parental rights and the help needed. The child has a parent who loves them and wants to be in their life and also the financial help to make sure he or she gets what he or she needs. The person who doesn't want the child doesn't have to have the child. In this scenario everyone involved wins. While this would take money from taxpayers I feel eventually it would even out with less people in jail for child support payments and less children growing up in poverty or with parents that do not want to be there, giving them a better chance to be productive members of society. This option truly is the one with the best interests of the child in mind.
On the flip side, this is option opens up so many avenues for abuse. A man can do this over and over and have 30 of his biological offspring out there and have no legal responsibility to them. A mother could in a similar way have a child from any man she sleeps with and have the government pick up the tab every single time. Essentially it would encourage bad behavior which laws try not to do.
Don't see the difference, they didn't want to get pregnant. The only reason it's unprotected is because they were drunk and not of sound minds.
sorry i skipped some pages so maybe i missed some updates but having read the op i'd say push for the abortion. you don't sound readyboth in financial and in mentality for that.
funny to see how "drunk sex" works different based on the sex
if you can't, at least try the test for fatherhood
funny to see how "drunk sex" works different based on the sex
if you can't, at least try the test for fatherhood
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