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Most embarrassing place you've ever farted?
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ColonialRaptor
Member
When I used to take protein powder I used to fart like an absolute demon, they were monstrosities of biblical proportions, could clear a room in 5 seconds flat - horrendous! The worst thing is that I had to fart all the time, gas was bad as, anyway I worked at a desk.
I used to take toilet breaks every couple of hours to go and let them rip and I'd have so much built up that I could do 30 - 45 second non stop farts.
Anyway, this one day at work we were hella busy and I literally couldn't get away from my desk for the whole day. This fucken gas bomb had built up inside of me like you wouldn't believe... Imagine 10 dead bodies cooking in an enclosed space in the sun for a week and times that by 50 and you might get an idea of what was building up inside of me, anyway my guts were rumbling like a fucken freight train by the end of the day.
I had to stay back late and it ended up being just me and my boss left in the office, this happened often and usually I could just sit at my desk and he would stay in his office. I thought I was safe, I was busy as sin and I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as I could because it was getting late and the toilet was a while away, so I took the risk of dropping my guts slowly and steadily for the next five minutes at my desk.
My god, it was a silent bitch, but it burned like hot coals as the toxic hot air slowly moved out of my guts and into the atmosphere around me and boy oh boy, I don't think I've ever smelled anything so disgustingly fucken rank in my life. Just as I'm finishing up, red faced and embarrassed enough that something so fucked up came from inside of me, my boss walks out of his office to come talk to me. I sit there thinking "fuck fuck fuck shit shit there's no way he's not gonna smell it, no way no way" he walks up to me, there is this disgusting pungent aroma in the air around me just hanging there, I'm so embarrassed and shitting myself, will he stay and pretend he can't smell it, what will he say (he's one of these ultra professional, never joke around ultra conservative old guy types), there is only me and him in the office and so there is no one else to blame it on. He must be thinking I fucken shit myself or something.
Anyway, his nose sorta wrinkles a little bit, I can see him taking a whiff, I can see his eyes water a little bit as he goes to talk it looks like he almost gags, in my head I'm thinking "oh my fuck but I'm also fucking pissing myself" and he forces out real quick. "I'll ask you about this tomorrow, go home, it's getting late".
Hahahaha!! Oh god.
I used to take toilet breaks every couple of hours to go and let them rip and I'd have so much built up that I could do 30 - 45 second non stop farts.
Anyway, this one day at work we were hella busy and I literally couldn't get away from my desk for the whole day. This fucken gas bomb had built up inside of me like you wouldn't believe... Imagine 10 dead bodies cooking in an enclosed space in the sun for a week and times that by 50 and you might get an idea of what was building up inside of me, anyway my guts were rumbling like a fucken freight train by the end of the day.
I had to stay back late and it ended up being just me and my boss left in the office, this happened often and usually I could just sit at my desk and he would stay in his office. I thought I was safe, I was busy as sin and I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as I could because it was getting late and the toilet was a while away, so I took the risk of dropping my guts slowly and steadily for the next five minutes at my desk.
My god, it was a silent bitch, but it burned like hot coals as the toxic hot air slowly moved out of my guts and into the atmosphere around me and boy oh boy, I don't think I've ever smelled anything so disgustingly fucken rank in my life. Just as I'm finishing up, red faced and embarrassed enough that something so fucked up came from inside of me, my boss walks out of his office to come talk to me. I sit there thinking "fuck fuck fuck shit shit there's no way he's not gonna smell it, no way no way" he walks up to me, there is this disgusting pungent aroma in the air around me just hanging there, I'm so embarrassed and shitting myself, will he stay and pretend he can't smell it, what will he say (he's one of these ultra professional, never joke around ultra conservative old guy types), there is only me and him in the office and so there is no one else to blame it on. He must be thinking I fucken shit myself or something.
Anyway, his nose sorta wrinkles a little bit, I can see him taking a whiff, I can see his eyes water a little bit as he goes to talk it looks like he almost gags, in my head I'm thinking "oh my fuck but I'm also fucking pissing myself" and he forces out real quick. "I'll ask you about this tomorrow, go home, it's getting late".
Hahahaha!! Oh god.
cool_trainer
Member
If you clap you can hide it.
Mine was in 5th grade during some class physical test or something. I think we were doing sit ups and I laughed a little too hard and let one rip. I sat up and thought no one noticed. A girl classmate laughed and asked if I farted. I said no.
IpsoFacto
Member
I was on a mountain hike with some of my friends, we sat down for lunch and while we were sitting here, I broke wind. Though we got a laugh of it.
But the one time I was embarrased for life was in an electronics superstore, but it was so sudden that I wasn't expecting it.
I was looking for something there and they had really loud music playin', I was near the camera booth and damn... it was sudden and loud, I remember two store clerks just staring in awe, I haven't been to that store ever since.
But the one time I was embarrased for life was in an electronics superstore, but it was so sudden that I wasn't expecting it.
I was looking for something there and they had really loud music playin', I was near the camera booth and damn... it was sudden and loud, I remember two store clerks just staring in awe, I haven't been to that store ever since.
I was at the dentist with my mum waiting in the waiting room feeling it build up. Normally this is no problem for me as I have good control over my gas and can generally hold it well.
I got seen by the dentist first, then my mum did which took AGES.
I am perched on the edge of this crappy little stool waiting for the dentist to finish examaning my mum... I could feel it building and building as I hold back more and more.
Then it happens... Im at full capacity I know im gunna blow at any point and there is no chance of letting off a sly one as my mum is now DONE and ready to go..
She gestures me to get up as we are leaving, but red faced and sweating I shake my head trying to buy me some time.
At this point my mum, dentist and hot girl dental assistant are all staring at me as I rise up off my seat and rip the most disgusting fart from my ass and it echo's around this tiny little dental surgery.
I noticed the dentist smile in shock as I took the walk of shame out of his office.
I got seen by the dentist first, then my mum did which took AGES.
I am perched on the edge of this crappy little stool waiting for the dentist to finish examaning my mum... I could feel it building and building as I hold back more and more.
Then it happens... Im at full capacity I know im gunna blow at any point and there is no chance of letting off a sly one as my mum is now DONE and ready to go..
She gestures me to get up as we are leaving, but red faced and sweating I shake my head trying to buy me some time.
At this point my mum, dentist and hot girl dental assistant are all staring at me as I rise up off my seat and rip the most disgusting fart from my ass and it echo's around this tiny little dental surgery.
I noticed the dentist smile in shock as I took the walk of shame out of his office.
Cpt.Underpants
Member
Location: Networking Classroom
Situation: Watching slide shows on a projector, everyone was quiet except the lecturer
Me: I thought I could keep my farts as subtle as possible by clenching my butt, but it didn't work. I manage to let out a deep farting sqeek sound amplified by my plastic chair. Everyone looked at me and I just let out a pokerface.
Situation: Watching slide shows on a projector, everyone was quiet except the lecturer
Me: I thought I could keep my farts as subtle as possible by clenching my butt, but it didn't work. I manage to let out a deep farting sqeek sound amplified by my plastic chair. Everyone looked at me and I just let out a pokerface.
Small office in warehouse, temperature about 35C (90ishF), humid as hell. Dropped a stinker. Literally ten seconds later a senior manager walked in with some even higher up manager from International to introduce us. We shook hands and talked a bit. All three of us knew what had happened and all three of us pretended not to. Not good but funny as hell afterwards.
Big Chungus
Member
Tae kwon do
I think I was in fifth grade. Had to fart but naturally I was holding it in. Then suddenly I had to sneeze. I sneezed and tried my best to hold in the fart... but I failed. And it was very loud. Everyone looked at me like I was a mad man.
Probably in the top 3 embarrassing moments of my life. In retrospect it didnt really matter (what does) but in that moment I wanted to jump out of a window, lol.
Probably in the top 3 embarrassing moments of my life. In retrospect it didnt really matter (what does) but in that moment I wanted to jump out of a window, lol.
NathanMcMahon
Banned
I'm in class right now and need to fart. Does that count?
CitizenCope
Member
Excellent description. Holy shit I was loling reading that.ColonialRaptor said:
Used to work with a good friend of mine. Both of us in a small office. He was certainly not embarrassed, more proud. We still talk about his SBD 9 years later and both remember the date of Jan. 26th. Nothing has compared in my life time. So bad and it lingered for 30 minutes.
Liquidsnake
Banned
I was receiving oral from a GF of mine, and when I was ready to explode (she was so awesome) She place her two index fingers on each side of her cheek to widen her mouth and she stuck her tongue out. I was eating a lot of fiber wafers during this time, as I have never had regular bowel movements.
Anyways as I was cumming, (which i remember felt so amazing this time) I silent farted a horrendous one. I mean one that smelled like you found an Easter egg at the park 1 month after Easter. She noticed right away, and it ruined the entire experience, and really messed with my head for the next few weeks. I do not recall her going down on me after that. We broke up 1 month later.
I hope I didn't say anything that gets me banned, or offends anyone. I tried to keep it clean. and it is the truth of what happened that day.
Anyways as I was cumming, (which i remember felt so amazing this time) I silent farted a horrendous one. I mean one that smelled like you found an Easter egg at the park 1 month after Easter. She noticed right away, and it ruined the entire experience, and really messed with my head for the next few weeks. I do not recall her going down on me after that. We broke up 1 month later.
I hope I didn't say anything that gets me banned, or offends anyone. I tried to keep it clean. and it is the truth of what happened that day.
I can't think of one for me just yet, but there's one that sticks out in my mind for my brother. The two of us and a friend of ours were enrolled in a Tae Kwon Do class when we were in middle/high school. It was the end of the lesson and all the students, 5-6 that day, were lined up abreast, standing at attention as the instructors were wrapping up the day's activities and updating us for next week. My brother, standing next me, apparently takes the gamble that he's going let loose a silent one and no one will know where it came from. Naturally, he gambles wrong and blows the loudest rip into the silent room. The unexpectedness of his release combined with the tension in the room and the mandate to stand still and silent and attentive made it so much more unbearably hilarious. But for the longest second, we held it until he snorted. And then everything just came out.
God damn, I tried so fucking hard to stifle that. The fucked up part was no one else was laughing, or even struggling not to laugh. Not even our buddy that was with us. It's like no one heard it. And our instructors, to their credit, ignored our violent snickering for a while. Then they got pissed and yelled at us to give them 20 push ups. Right in there with the rest of the class lined up. For laughing at farts.
I'd never felt more childish than at that moment.
God damn, I tried so fucking hard to stifle that. The fucked up part was no one else was laughing, or even struggling not to laugh. Not even our buddy that was with us. It's like no one heard it. And our instructors, to their credit, ignored our violent snickering for a while. Then they got pissed and yelled at us to give them 20 push ups. Right in there with the rest of the class lined up. For laughing at farts.
I'd never felt more childish than at that moment.
SilentProtagonist
Member
Hahaha oh god, the image of her yelling this like a bomb is about to go off...Squire Felix said:
Meus Renaissance
Member
ColonialRaptor said:
I couldn't stop laughing as I read this
ColonialRaptor said:
lol this reminds me of one guy at one of the sites I worked at a good bit. He was allergic to whatever is in sugar free gum, but once in awhile he would chew it anyways.
He would go to the bathroom to let them rip, and once in awhile one of us would end up having to take a leak at the same time and get to hear it. I've had some long loud ones before but these things were not human. It would be impossible not to bust out laughing at the urinal.
Speaking of I hate guys that fart at the urinal, it always makes me laugh and I always struggle not to.
Just last weekend, I was at my friend's grandma's condo doing yard work for her. I was sitting in a very low, squatting position when I felt a very big fart coming up. Seeing no one around, I belted out the beast: "VRRRMMPH!" No later than two seconds after it, their old man neighbor walks right out from behind a nearby wall. I know he had to have heard it but he just plays it off. We small talked for a bit before I went back to doing yard work.
I tell my friend this who was working in the backyard (I was in the front yard) and he said "oh no I doubt he heard you - he's basically deaf." I was actually kind of disheartened he (probably) didn't get to enjoy the sound.
I tell my friend this who was working in the backyard (I was in the front yard) and he said "oh no I doubt he heard you - he's basically deaf." I was actually kind of disheartened he (probably) didn't get to enjoy the sound.
vas_a_morir
Banned
Medalion said:
I'd tell her it was Satchmo practicing in the next room.
Lionel Mandrake
Member
Middle school in PE. We had to do the presidential fitness test things. One of them was the sit-up test, in which you had to do as many sit-ups as possible within a certain amount of time. I think it was a minute, but I could be wrong.
Now, the standard practice was you would get in sit-up position, and another student comes over and holds down your ankles for you, so you can do more without having to worry about your feet staying on the ground. You can probably see where this is going. I used to drink soda nonstop, and as a result I would be a fairly gassy kid, but I was usually pretty good at holding them in or letting them out at the right time. For some reason, this day I was filled to the limit. My stomach actually hurt from how much gas I had. It didn't help that I had PE as my first class at like 7:45 AM. For some reason I was at my gassiest in the morning. My turn came to do the sit-ups.
I knew the kid who got my ankles. He wasn't exactly a close friend, but we were acquaintances and were on a good-enough level. When the timer started and the coach yelled "Go," I started doing these sit-ups. After like two, I started farting. Like every time I would come up, I would let out a loud fart right in this guy's face. He started snorting, trying not to laugh. I was somewhat of a class clown, so I think he may have thought I was doing it on purpose, on account of how well timed it was. Go up, fart. Go up, fart. Go up, fart. He starts losing it, trying to turn his head to the side. He actually loosens his grip and that's when the coach comes over.
He sees that the kid is slacking on holding my feet down, so he pushes him out of the way and starts holding down my ankles for me. He immediately finds out why the first kid was having trouble, as I'm starting to fart in the coach's face now. He starts stifling laughter while occasionally letting out some encouragement like, "Come on. Keep it going." All the while, I'm still farting like crazy. I would have stopped, but I was worried the coach would punish me for not trying the test. When the time ran out he said "Hey man, it's natural."
Now, it's pretty funny, but as a kid in middle school, I was embarrassed beyond belief.
Now, the standard practice was you would get in sit-up position, and another student comes over and holds down your ankles for you, so you can do more without having to worry about your feet staying on the ground. You can probably see where this is going. I used to drink soda nonstop, and as a result I would be a fairly gassy kid, but I was usually pretty good at holding them in or letting them out at the right time. For some reason, this day I was filled to the limit. My stomach actually hurt from how much gas I had. It didn't help that I had PE as my first class at like 7:45 AM. For some reason I was at my gassiest in the morning. My turn came to do the sit-ups.
I knew the kid who got my ankles. He wasn't exactly a close friend, but we were acquaintances and were on a good-enough level. When the timer started and the coach yelled "Go," I started doing these sit-ups. After like two, I started farting. Like every time I would come up, I would let out a loud fart right in this guy's face. He started snorting, trying not to laugh. I was somewhat of a class clown, so I think he may have thought I was doing it on purpose, on account of how well timed it was. Go up, fart. Go up, fart. Go up, fart. He starts losing it, trying to turn his head to the side. He actually loosens his grip and that's when the coach comes over.
He sees that the kid is slacking on holding my feet down, so he pushes him out of the way and starts holding down my ankles for me. He immediately finds out why the first kid was having trouble, as I'm starting to fart in the coach's face now. He starts stifling laughter while occasionally letting out some encouragement like, "Come on. Keep it going." All the while, I'm still farting like crazy. I would have stopped, but I was worried the coach would punish me for not trying the test. When the time ran out he said "Hey man, it's natural."
Now, it's pretty funny, but as a kid in middle school, I was embarrassed beyond belief.
Home Depot once, I was near the end of an isle but couldn't see around the corner.. Now I fart all the time in public, I dont give a shit but I try to sneak those little fuckers out. I fart at my desk at work, in bed, at my in laws, in the movie theater.. I straight up fart everywhere.. I have no desire to 'go to the bathroom' to let gas out of my body.
I'm rude like that.
Anyways I'm at Home Depot, butthole is gurgling like crazy so I gotta honk one out. I look around quickly, didn't see anyone so I just POUNDED that one out. I mean I pushed with the force of the gods and boy did it deliver. Sounded kind of like the mountain horn from Lord of the Rings and the sound of someone dropping a balloon full of spagetti from a 100 story building.
Like a boss! Or so I thought, I take 1 step around the corner and there is a family of about 6, just out of church (all dressed up on sunday). Mom looked in awe, kids disgusted and the Dad scowled at me and said something like, "Excuse YOU!" I replied, "Your welcome."
Trotted away laughing inside, I might have reshaped the way that family interacts for the rest of their lives. For sure they'll talk about that moment in 20 years.
edit. Forgot to say, my wife was standing right next to me. She didn't think it was funny, but her reaction made it all the better.
I'm rude like that.
Anyways I'm at Home Depot, butthole is gurgling like crazy so I gotta honk one out. I look around quickly, didn't see anyone so I just POUNDED that one out. I mean I pushed with the force of the gods and boy did it deliver. Sounded kind of like the mountain horn from Lord of the Rings and the sound of someone dropping a balloon full of spagetti from a 100 story building.
Like a boss! Or so I thought, I take 1 step around the corner and there is a family of about 6, just out of church (all dressed up on sunday). Mom looked in awe, kids disgusted and the Dad scowled at me and said something like, "Excuse YOU!" I replied, "Your welcome."
Trotted away laughing inside, I might have reshaped the way that family interacts for the rest of their lives. For sure they'll talk about that moment in 20 years.
edit. Forgot to say, my wife was standing right next to me. She didn't think it was funny, but her reaction made it all the better.
I don't see how that would be possible for me. My butt is so damn clenched on a roller coaster that I doubt anything could get out.Dr Prob said:Sharted while riding Space Mountain.
Mom, Dad: Don't think we're going to catch that Country Bear Jamboree show. Kinda pooped my pants back there on Space Mountain.
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