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[LordOfLore]

Link.

From the jury selection process that took place over three days in June for the trial of Martin Shkreli, an investor and hedge fund founder who is facing eight counts of securities and wire fraud. In 2015, when Shkreli was CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, the company raised the price of its drug Daraprim by 5,000 percent. In 2016, Shkreli was widely criticized for defending the 400 percent increase in the price of EpiPen, an emergency allergy injection sold by Mylan. More than two hundred potential jurors were excused from the trial. Judge Kiyo Matsumoto presided. Benjamin Brafman is a lawyer representing Shkreli.

Some of these quotes are gold.

The best one in my opinion:

 

[Slayven]

Deadass B

 

[nhlducks35]

 

[Joe]

Is his trial in New York?

 

[Broken Joystick]

Chuck in some expletives and it could be a Rick and Morty episode.

 

[HeartlessNobody213]

Well juror 144 wasn't lying.

 

[ShadowSwordmaster]

Is his trial in New York?

Yes.
--------

the court: Well, I'm going to excuse you. Juror Number 144, tell us what you have heard.

juror no. 144: I heard through the news of how the defendant changed the price of a pill by up-selling it. I heard he bought an album from the Wu-Tang Clan for a million dollars.

the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that?

juror no. 144: I don't think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

 

[Dynasty]

Is his trial in New York?

Trial is basically over just sentencing left.

 

[B-Dubs]

Juror 59 was like a heartbeat away from yelling out "WU TANG CLAN AIN'T NOTHIN' TA FUCK WITH"

 

[MightyKAC]

Am I the only one who thought by the thread title that the jury was actually gonna be Public Enemy?

 

[Deleted member 80556]

the court: Then I will excuse you from this case. Juror Number 10, please come forward.

juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

the court: Okay. We will excuse you. Juror 28, do you need to be heard?

juror no. 28: I don’t like this person at all. I just can’t understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —

the court: Sir, thank you.

Oh my god, this is amazing.

 

[Crayons]

oh god this is amazing

I wish i had been selected

 

[hydruxo]

Am I the only one who thought by the thread title that the jury was actually gonna be Public Enemy?

Yeah this is what I was expecting lol

 

[traveler]

Take one for the team, guys. The correct answer is

"No, I've never even heard of this man. I don't see any reason I can't be impartial."

 

[kris.]

juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

This got the weirdest guffaw out of me. Like really high pitched. Kind of embarrassed and I hope no one heard it. But yeah holy fuck these are funny.

 

[Marvie_3]

These are hilarious. :lol :lol

 

[Stranya]

Omg this is amazing, thank you OP.

 

[Linkstrikesback]

Take one for the team, guys. The correct answer is

"No, I've never even heard of this man. I don't see any reason I can't be impartial."

I wonder though , wouldn't lying about that be illegal and at worst let them declare it a mistrial if they found out you lied? Not that I know anything about legal proceedings.

 

[MMarston]

Chuck in some expletives and it could be a Rick and Morty episode.

Needs to get the VA treatment like the Georgia one last year

 

[Kill3r7]

Take one for the team, guys. The correct answer is

"No, I've never even heard of this man. I don't see any reason I can't be impartial."

Do you know how much you make for jury duty in NYC? You make $40 a day. Most people cannot afford to do it.

 

[berzeli]

Everything in this article is amazing.

 

[KeyBladerXIII]

The Rick and Morty trial video is coming back to me. Every juror sounds like Rick and the court is Morty.

 

[D4Danger]

juror no. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

brafman: So much for the presumption of innocence.

the court: We will excuse Juror Number 52.

juror 52 should be a profiler. That's a gift.

 

[Lunar15]

These are hilarious. This would be a fun one to get out of Jury Duty for.

 

[Couleurs]

Oh my god, this is amazing.

Damn why did Juror 28 get cut off

Now I have to imagine the rest went "...and fuckin' tie him to a fuckin' bedpost with his ass cheeks spread out and shit, right? Put a hanger on a fuckin' stove and.." before the Judge is like "alright alright that's enough"

 

[chadtwo]

I have a hard time respecting any lawyer who would defend someone like Shkreli but I will admit I chuckled at his butting in to make the "so much for the presumption of innocence" comment.

 

[Evening Musuko]

Am I the only one who thought by the thread title that the jury was actually gonna be Public Enemy?

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Yes, your honor. Motherfuck him and John Wayne.

 

[darthbob]

I have a hard time respecting any lawyer who would defend someone like Shkreli but I will admit I chuckled at his butting in to make the "so much for the presumption of innocence" comment.

Everyone deserves a fair trial, even a snake like Martin.

 

[RyanW]

Needs to get the VA treatment like the Georgia one last year

I was just thinking this. I need this in my life now

 

[RandomExpletive]

Everyone deserves a fair trial, even a snake like Martin.

And that lawyer deserves allllll that money he about to make off Martin

 

[chadtwo]

Everyone deserves a fair trial, even a snake like Martin.

Oh, absolutely.

 

[DrForester]

Here's hoping.

 

[GK86]

Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin' to fuck wit.

 

[-Deimos]

Here's hoping.

PLEASE

 

[Struct09]

That article is quality entertainment

 

[MsKrisp]

I hope this was Juror 59

 

[disappeared]

I want to print that out and frame it.

 

[Dryk]

If the jury is going to be made up of people that don't want to immediately punch him in his sit eating grin I feel like they'll all be sympathetic sociopaths

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Everything in this article is amazing.

juror 52 should be a profiler. That's a gift.

 

[Gai Murakumo]

Wow this is just outright hilarious.

 

[Christian]

I totally would've been like the cop in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Raised the drug price by 5,000%?! That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you...!

 

[Bebpo]

This is amazing.

 

[TangoAlphaLima]

These folks know how to get out of jury duty in style.

 

[Rran]

the court: We will excuse you from this jury. Juror Number 77.

juror no. 77: From everything I’ve seen on the news, everything I’ve read, I believe the defendant is the face of corporate greed in America.

brafman: We would object.

juror no. 77: You’d have to convince me he was innocent rather than guilty.

the court: I will excuse this juror.



...i can't stop reading these

 

[backflip10019]

I totally would've been like the cop in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Raised the drug price by 5,000%?! That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you...!

You mean like Juror 28?

the court: Okay. We will excuse you. Juror 28, do you need to be heard?

juror no. 28: I don't like this person at all. I just can't understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —

the court: Sir, thank you.

juror no. 28: Is he stupid or greedy? I can't understand.

 

[Eblo]

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?

juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

The last line caught me off-guard lol

 

[PoorChoices]

I haven't laughed that hard in a while.