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The Lone Ranger (2013) is secretly the greatest movie ever made.(Long, rambling rant)

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Resilient

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Jan 4, 2010
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Will now watch instead of making fun of my dad for watching it every other night.

That man knows movies.
 

Vampirolol

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Mar 21, 2012
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This was like reading a Cracked article done right! I was one of those who were bored by Jhonny Depp and I didn't even know that Lone Ranger was directed by the same guy of Mousehunt. Now I need to see this movie, considering I love the western genre, and I have to see Rango too.
 

not psycho

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Aug 24, 2011
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I hated DMC, AWE, WWZ, Depp Wonka, Speed Racer, and John Carter though. Red Dragon was just ok.

So I still expect to hate The Lone Ranger, but you convinced me to give it a shot.
 

Discotheque

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Oct 5, 2009
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I was gonna make this thread but it was just gonna say "fuck y'all" and then I'd post a link to the last 20 minutes of this movie

Best blockbuster of 2013

One of the GOAT hans zimmer soundtracks. Verbinski is one of the gods of setpieces and big budget filmmaking. Unlike many other films you can actually see the millions of dollars on screen with his movies.

I hope Disney drops that shitzilla director and gives him a Star Wars movie instead

The end action scene is like what would happen if buster keaton was given millions of dollars and some trains for some fuckery. Very inventive

And that soundtrack when the Lone Ranger catches the bullet. Based morricone homage

Edit: I liked John carter too tho. It's soundtrack is better than the film itself but i found it to be an enjoyable adventure film. The ending scene was quite nice
 

KAOz

Short bus special
Mar 30, 2009
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I will always respect this movie for two reasons.

1. The big climatic battle at the end. That shit is awesome.

2. Any movie that gives Barry Pepper something to do (preferably in a moustasche) is A-OK in my book.
 
Jun 7, 2004
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Armie Hammer is such a silly name.

His full name is Armand Hammer. Literally:



I've loved his work since Reaper so I was really glad he had a chance to be lead in TLR.
 

Raptor

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Mar 16, 2012
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This movie is decent, John Carter is decent too, Speed Racer is a freaking masterpiece tho.
 

kess

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Aug 3, 2013
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Gore Verbinski is a third rate Tim Burton, and just like him, has some kind of Johnny Depp casting disease.

Mouse Hunt sucks too.
 

New002

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Sep 7, 2013
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I sat through this movie because a friend really wanted me to watch it. It was not a pleasant experience.
 

AkuMifune

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I thought most of Lone Ranger was only setup for the final scene. It was fine, I enjoyed it more than John Carter for sure. But any movie with Mrs.Hot Topic is automatically deducted a few points for overuse of her crazy bag lady schtick.

The first Pirates movie is really great. The way that franchise devolved into nonsense is one of the most disappointing things ever. Same with the Mummy. Great first movie that became a dumb family vehicle that was an insult to itself.
 

Fafalada

Fafracer forever
Jun 22, 2004
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Lionel Mandrake said:
Okay, I went on way too long about this goofy-ass movie, but I really wanted to say it. The funny thing is, I started off typing this to talk about what a weird mess this movie is. Then as I kept going I found myself smiling and watching scenes over again to enjoy them. I like this movie.
Having had 0 knowledge of the source material - and based on trailers, being prepared to hate the thing before I saw it - I agree with you. I really liked it - but then in my mind I couldn't help but see this as a nod to the first Western Depp did back in 95 - there's just way too many parallels (crazy goofiness and black-humor included) not to be reminded of it.
 
May 14, 2008
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I went into the theatre knowing nothing about the director and the troubled development and I still thought it was Pirates V and 90 minutes too long, so there.
 

DerZuhälter

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May 19, 2010
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While I don't think the movie was good, I believe critics have been harsh with it. Putting into context that this is a kids movie from Disney, it does feel very inconsistent. The mentioned vile brutality (heart eating villains) combined with magic horses, the tragic past of Tonto and constant switching around between slapstick comedy and... I don't know what Verbinski's crazy mind served up in the other parts... it just feels weird to say the least.

Train sequence was great though.
 

jett

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Jun 6, 2004
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That's an interesting write-up you got there.

I actually re-watched the movie semi-recently, see if maybe I could find some appreciation for it. Naw. It's biggest problem for me is that it's a bore for extended stretches of time. I'm not invested or interested in its characters or in its plot, and Reid is such an unlikable douche for like 95% of the movie. Visually there's nothing going on in there that I can appreciate either, a real disappointment after Rango.

I also didn't like John Carter all that much, but it was a better executed blockbuster than this.

Also, Speed Racer is the best.
 

Sinatar

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Jun 7, 2004
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On a completely unrelated note, why hasn't hollywood stuck Nicholas Cage and Johnny Depp in the same movie and just have them try to out crazy each other?
 
May 16, 2011
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For those wondering why Lone Ranger got an Oscar nod for effects, check these out:

CGchannel.com - The Lone Ranger: the best VFX you never noticed?








https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3VACTRGmrI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbuzAV1TAYc

It should also be noted how Verbinski and ILM have had quite the relationship over the years, from the Pirates films to Rango to TLR.
incredible stuff. at this point i'm not surprised to find out everything is cg now, yet am surprised by how comprehensive it gets at times hah.
 

Bitanator

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Jun 21, 2014
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Movie was way too long... it had many chances to end itself early and overstayed its welcome.
 

Currygan

at last, for christ's sake
Jul 7, 2012
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Good OP but you still didnt convince me. I rewatched it recently and its still a total borefest, too long, with too many shitty villains, which is never a good sign. The ingredients are trite as hell..railways? Trains? Vicious army guys? Brothels? Natives being massacred? How original. Style is uncertain at best, going from comedy to gruesome moments, to drama, to comedy again. It seemed like they had so many set pieces and used a cliche for each one of them, and why in gods name had to make it so bloody long. Armie Hammer is a pretty boy but got the charisma of a limping turtle, which completed the abysmal picture. Its not as bad as dreadful Speed Racer or John Carter, but as much as wasting money goes, the trio is on the same level
 

Parch

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Oct 17, 2005
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It was decent fun.
I do have a little problem with how The Lone Ranger was made to look like a goof and Tonto made to look like a lunatic. That is not how they characters were ever portrayed.

The song is classic though. The William Tell Overture IS The Lone Ranger, so just knowing that final scene was going to be set to that classic tune was worth the wait.
 

Solo

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Apr 21, 2005
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Verbinkski is a great blockbuster director who sadly has been saddled with shit movies for a decade. The man can shoot action extremely well. Just wish he'd get a chance to do something better.
 

Oppo

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I won't go quite as far as the OP but I do think it was an interesting... amalgam.

(speed racer is a still garbage though. and it pains me to say that. but it really is.)

Entertaining read as always, Mandrake.

Rango is genius, maybe his best IMO.
 

Yawnier

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Nov 12, 2010
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Went to the movies to see this last year, thought it was pretty good. My dad who has been a lone ranger fan for a long time also liked it.
 
Mar 19, 2014
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Hate on John Carter(which is a boring and shitty blockbuster), only to call another shitty and boring blockbuster one of the greatest movies ever made.
 

Simo

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Jun 10, 2004
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I rented the Blu Ray after asking my buddy if he saw it and his thoughts. He said it was awesome so I gave it a shot. Soon in to the movie you hear that "William Tell" overture during the "flashback" and I'm getting all into it and then the scene where he tosses the teddy bear to the little girl on the train and it gets sucked out the window....I just started cracking up and thinking "Ok..this is going to be like a Pirates movie isn't it?" and ya know it was even to being a little on the long side but fuck it I enjoyed the hell out of the movie.

Hell I was on the edge of my couch during the finale and Disney's Blu Rays always sound and look so good too. Fucking loved the movie and regretted not seeing it on the big screen.

I also took it as a sign as the following weekend after watching it I had to go to a Michigan game and what does the band play? The "William Tell" overture. Fucking nice!
 

thehypocrite

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Mar 28, 2010
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I thought I was the only one. The soundtrack is incredible, and that final action scene. These writers know how to write a damn fun adventure film, having been responsible for Zorro and Pirates, and Verbinski won me over creatively forever with Rango.

Agree with this.

I also think John Carter is an Ok movie and Speed Racer is Ace.
 

BadWolf

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Apr 15, 2010
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Excellent post OP, convinced me to give it a shot and watch it yesterday and I was blown away.

What an excellent adventure movie.
 

Syrinx

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Jul 8, 2012
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I have nothing to say regarding The Lone Ranger or John Carter. But Mouse Hunt must have been put in the VCR every other week or so when I was a little boy. Funny though that I don't remember either scene posted in the OP. All I remember is the scene where the two dudes trying to catch the mouse get tangled and trapped in a bunch of string or something. For whatever reason I was afraid of that scene but not the intro in the OP.

Also long live Mandrake.
 

WillyFive

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Sep 17, 2009
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The last half hour of the movie? One of the greatest pieces of live action film Disney has delivered.

Everything before that? Very poor.
 
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