Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
Principal Skinner: Congratulations, Simpson. You just fell for our sting and won yourself three months detention. There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest.
Groundskeeper Willie: There's not? Ya used me, Skinner! Ya used me!
Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right, dad! [leaves]
Homer: Rats! Almost had him eating dog food!
I'm also pretty sure Lisa's Rival is like my favourite episode there is so many memorable moments and quotes!
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?
Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
Beekeeper 1: Well, sure is quiet in here today.
Beekeeper 2: Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean.
Beekeeper 1: Hmm... I'm afraid I don't.
Beekeeper 2: You see, bees usually make a lot of noise. No noise - suggests no bees!
Beekeeper 1: Oh, I understand now.
[a bee flies by]
Beekeeper 1: Oh look, there goes one now.
Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!
Beekeeper 1: You mean your Chevy?
Beekeeper 2: [pause] Yes.
Bart Simpson: I couldn't find much on our rivalry, but I did manage to get Millhouse on America's Most Wanted.
Agent 1#: [driving toward school sees Millhouse playing on monkey bars] There he is on the monkey bars. Try to take him out alive.
[the other FBI guy jams the gas pedal down and heads right towards the monkey bars. Many other children stat to flee while screaming]
Milhouse Van Houten: Oh no! Not again.
[jumps off just in time as the car smashes into them, causing them to break into a dozen parts]