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Salem |OT| Dirty Sexy Witches @ 10 on WGN America. What the fuck WHAT THE FUCK.

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N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Ok, so I wasn't gonna make this OT, cause Salem wasn't really on my radar. And then I decided to watch the pilot. And...

Yeah, we need an OT. This show is fucking ludicrous and weird and I'm pretty sure that swathes of GAF will

1625752_6957581638042kafbx.jpg


What it's about:

In WGN America’s new series Salem, we are led into a dark and mystical period of American history. In Salem, the witches are a part of day-to-day life, but they are not who or what they seem to be. Mary Sibley (Janet Montgomery) is the most powerful witch of Salem. She is the wife of George Sibley (Michael Mulheren), the ailing, wealthy head of the Selectmen of Salem. Leading a double life, Mary depends on her faithful servant and friend, Tituba (Ashley Madekwe), a mysterious and ageless accomplice to carry out her agenda. Mary is ruthless, yet vulnerable; her world is torn into two when Salem’s native son, John Alden (Shane West) returns after many years at war. John and Mary were lovers before he left the Puritan town of Salem.

John, a war veteran, takes on the role of being the voice of reason in a town that is obsessed with witch hunts and unexplained phenomena. He realizes that suspicion and fear result in innocent people being victimized. On the contrary, Cotton Mather (Seth Gabel) is a well-educated local aristocrat who fans the flames of Salem’s witch hunt.

John and Mary find themselves in the middle of an epic romance, even as Cotton’s witch hunts engulf the town in hysteria, horror, and the supernatural.

The real story of Salem emerges from the foggy depths of history on April 20th, 10/9c, only on WGN America.
Click to expand...

Cast:

Janet Montgomery as Mary Sibley

salem-janet-montgomery-mary-sibley-wgn-america.jpg


Shane West as John Alden

7li1yd3.gif


Seth Gabel as Cotton Mather

salem-seth-gabel-cotton-mather-wgn-america.jpg


Xander Berkeley as Magistrate Hale

salem-xander-berkeley-magistrate-hale-wgn-america.jpg


Ashley Madekwe as Tituba

ashley-madekwe-salem-tituba-wgn-america.jpg


Tamzin Merchant as Anne Hale

salem-tamzin-merchant-anne-hale-wgn-america.jpg


Trailers:

Official Trailer
Trailer 2

Promotional Material:

SALEM.jpg


Salem-2__140312013042.jpg
Click to expand...

Anyone watch the premiere? It got great ratings... for the WGN.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
You may ask... why was I compelled to make this thread?

Well... a beautiful naked brunette pulled out a toad from the throat of an elderly wheelchair bound invalid and then had it drink from a third nipple in her leg. Later, she gained the ability to remote view a debaucherous witch gathering where people wore bloody animal heads and people writhed in hellfire and oil, but she gained this ability to remote view by having her witch buddy stimulate her with a dildo made out of a witch's broom.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET Seth Gabel's amazing, amazing overacting and his use of a leashed 14 year old girl as a fucking witch bloodhound!
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Another thing, Seth Gabel plays an obsessed witch hunting priest who bangs hookers rather passionately in his downtime while shouting anti-witch sermons. He's very nude during this, and has the most amazing facial hair and expressions. Really, Seth Gabel and the main brunette is why this show is worth watching.

Also, in 1692, Michael from Nikita has the most gravelly American accent ever.

Oh, and magical abortions make you evil and look orgasmic. I think she was having an orgasm as she was having this magical devil orgasm.

Oh, and you jerk off, you get branded with an 'F' for 'Fornication' on your forehead, and the women you were peeping on ALSO gets locked in a stockade with you. I do not know why.

Puritans, man.
 
R

RatskyWatsky

Hunky Nostradamus
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You may ask... why was I compelled to make this thread?

Well... a beautiful naked brunette pulled out a toad from the throat of an elderly wheelchair bound invalid and then had it drink from a third nipple in her leg. Later, she gained the ability to remote view a debaucherous witch gathering where people wore bloody animal heads and people writhed in hellfire and oil, but she gained this ability to remote view by having her witch buddy stimulate her with a dildo made out of a witch's broom.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET Seth Gabel's amazing, amazing overacting and his use of a leashed 14 year old girl as a fucking witch bloodhound!
Click to expand...

lmao oh lord

I was intending to watch this, but maybe I'll do it sooner rather than later...
 
R

rocketskates

Member
I was looking for an OT last week when it premiered but there was nothing, so I'm glad to see you made one!

Yeah the show, wow. Just....wow. And based on the preview they did last week for what's coming up in the whole season, it's gonna fwr even more insane. That scene with the girl with that muzzle? on and on the leash was creepy as hell and so was the scene when the witches were doing their summoning and all those mud people rose out of the water and did their demonic dancing.

Mary Sibley though.......man she is downright GORGEOUS.

And John Alden, I swear he sounds like David Hayter. Most of his scenes all I could hear was Snake LOL.

I think in one of the TV threads it was mentioned that the premiere had pretty good numbers for being on a network that is only in ~60% of households in the US.
 
R

RatskyWatsky

Hunky Nostradamus
Rollo Tomasi said:
Isn't WGN censored? Why isn't this on HBO?
Click to expand...

WGN is a cable channel, so while they're not as censor-free as one of the premium cable channels, they have a lot more leeway than one of the networks. They can have some nudity (rear and side boob) and also a healthy dose of swearing, just as long as they don't say "fuck".

Salem was originally developed at FX, but they dropped it and WGN picked it up.
 
S

Sonicbug

Member
The named one of their characters John Alden? Like.... wrong year, wrong town, wrong religious sect.

The rest I'm cool with... Only that is breaking my suspension of disbelief.

EDIT: Wait.... that's actually historical accurate, that's John Alden Jr! Nevermind.
 
K

Krowley

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You may ask... why was I compelled to make this thread?

Well... a beautiful naked brunette pulled out a toad from the throat of an elderly wheelchair bound invalid and then had it drink from a third nipple in her leg. Later, she gained the ability to remote view a debaucherous witch gathering where people wore bloody animal heads and people writhed in hellfire and oil, but she gained this ability to remote view by having her witch buddy stimulate her with a dildo made out of a witch's broom.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET Seth Gabel's amazing, amazing overacting and his use of a leashed 14 year old girl as a fucking witch bloodhound!
Click to expand...

Okay, you win lol. This sounds like a lot of fun.
 
S

Snake

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You may ask... why was I compelled to make this thread?

Well... a beautiful naked brunette pulled out a toad from the throat of an elderly wheelchair bound invalid
Click to expand...
zoIMepP.gif

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
and then had it drink from a third nipple in her leg.
Click to expand...
8in1Gyd.gif

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Later, she gained the ability to remote view a debaucherous witch gathering where people wore bloody animal heads and people writhed in hellfire and oil, but she gained this ability to remote view by having her witch buddy stimulate her with a dildo made out of a witch's broom.
Click to expand...
E4NzVBr.gif


I am still reeling from that paragraph.
 
H

hodayathink

Member
RatskyWatsky said:
WGN is a cable channel, so while they're not as censor-free as one of the premium cable channels, they have a lot more leeway than one of the networks. They can have some nudity (rear and side boob) and also a healthy dose of swearing, just as long as they don't say "fuck".

Salem was originally developed at FX, but they dropped it and WGN picked it up.
Click to expand...

So, what about where I live (Chicago), where WGN isn't a cable channel? Do they show an extra-censored version? Or is WGN America an entirely separate station.

Easy way to answer the question: Does WGN America show Cubs games?
 
R

Revolver

Member
This show is everything AHS: Coven should've been. It's just creepy and insane, right down to the Marilyn Manson theme song.
 
D

Downhome

Member
Please don't consider this trolling or a thread crap, I don't mean it to be.

My wife and I randomly heard about this show starting to air, all we knew about it was the basic plot and the title, that's it. We set the DVR but went ahead and watched the pilot as it aired. We, for some reason, were expecting a show based around the actual events of the time. Perhaps a drama based on the accused so-called "witches", and the drama and everything they and their families dealt with. Well, suffice it to say that we got the complete and total opposite of what we were hoping for. We hated almost everything about it and promptly deleted the schedule from our DVR. The acting, effects, and of course the plot - nothing clicked with us at all.

For what we were hoping for, this was so far the other direction it was just too crazy and insane for us, and we watch Walking Dead, American Horror Story, and all of that kind of stuff. It just wasn't what we were wanting on the topic, that's all.

Perhaps we'll give it another go down the line if it doesn't get canceled since we now know what to expect.
 
D

Demon Ice

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You may ask... why was I compelled to make this thread?

Well... a beautiful naked brunette pulled out a toad from the throat of an elderly wheelchair bound invalid and then had it drink from a third nipple in her leg. Later, she gained the ability to remote view a debaucherous witch gathering where people wore bloody animal heads and people writhed in hellfire and oil, but she gained this ability to remote view by having her witch buddy stimulate her with a dildo made out of a witch's broom.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET Seth Gabel's amazing, amazing overacting and his use of a leashed 14 year old girl as a fucking witch bloodhound!
Click to expand...

comment_gcgjmowwuydtkj0u1j.gif
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Downhome said:
Please don't consider this trolling or a thread crap, I don't mean it to be.

My wife and I randomly heard about this show starting to air, all we knew about it was the basic plot and the title, that's it. We set the DVR but went ahead and watched the pilot as it aired. We, for some reason, were expecting a show based around the actual events of the time. Perhaps a drama based on the accused so-called "witches", and the drama and everything they and their families dealt with. Well, suffice it to say that we got the complete and total opposite of what we were hoping for. We hated almost everything about it and promptly deleted the schedule from our DVR. The acting, effects, and of course the plot - nothing clicked with us at all.

For what we were hoping for, this was so far the other direction it was just too crazy and insane for us, and we watch Walking Dead, American Horror Story, and all of that kind of stuff. It just wasn't what we were wanting on the topic, that's all.

Perhaps we'll give it another go down the line if it doesn't get canceled since we now know what to expect.
Click to expand...

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It kinda feels like a nastier Sleepy Hollow to me.

Demon Ice said:
comment_gcgjmowwuydtkj0u1j.gif
Click to expand...

I had the same reaction.
 
H

happypup

Member
Downhome said:
Please don't consider this trolling or a thread crap, I don't mean it to be.

My wife and I randomly heard about this show starting to air, all we knew about it was the basic plot and the title, that's it. We set the DVR but went ahead and watched the pilot as it aired. We, for some reason, were expecting a show based around the actual events of the time. Perhaps a drama based on the accused so-called "witches", and the drama and everything they and their families dealt with. Well, suffice it to say that we got the complete and total opposite of what we were hoping for. We hated almost everything about it and promptly deleted the schedule from our DVR. The acting, effects, and of course the plot - nothing clicked with us at all.

For what we were hoping for, this was so far the other direction it was just too crazy and insane for us, and we watch Walking Dead, American Horror Story, and all of that kind of stuff. It just wasn't what we were wanting on the topic, that's all.

Perhaps we'll give it another go down the line if it doesn't get canceled since we now know what to expect.
Click to expand...

I watched it knowing what to expect, and still would have rather had a more serious period piece instead of a fantasy/horror reduction. I probably won't continue watching it, but I still find this thread very amusing.
 
Nydius

Nydius

Member
My wife really wanted to watch this and since it was right after Game of Thrones, I figured I'd stick around and watch too and...

Demon Ice said:
comment_gcgjmowwuydtkj0u1j.gif
Click to expand...

...this is precisely my expression at the credit roll of both episodes. Not sure how many more episodes I'll be able to manage before I decide to retreat to another room and watch Mad Men instead (rather than watching the 11pm rerun).

After the lead up promo ads, I don't know what I expected from the show, really, but I know I didn't expect this. It's just so... over the top in an almost comically bad way.
 
H

HP_Wuvcraft

Banned
Eh.

They just didn't do anything for me.

Two cons in a row I go in thinking "supernatural fun screening at a geek fest?" and then exit going "why was everyone else cheering?".
 
obin_gam

obin_gam

Member
This show was terrible all except for the visuals.

Horrible acting and atrocious dialogue (if you can even call it dialogue since it was nothing but exposition after exposition all the fucking time).
 
N

Napoleonthechimp

Member
My eyes did indeed witness a frog suckling on a woman's teat - on her thigh of course. Because breast feeding a frog the traditional way would be too ordinary.
 
R

Rhaknar

The Steam equivalent of the drunk friend who keeps offering to pay your tab all night.
Just watched the first episode. I liked it, but I like fucked up bizarre shit. It's at least already a better witch show than AHS: X-Men was
 
D

~Devil Trigger~

In favor of setting Muslim women on fire
great show

Shane West feels out of place with his acting and delivery, but still an entertaining show so far.
 
K

Kevin

Member
Just watched the first two episodes and I quite like it. We need more horror shows like this. Hope it doesn't get canceled after the season ends.
 
R

rocketskates

Member
Season 2 here we come!


Glad Issac didn't get killed for being a witch, I like his character.

Mary Sibley mannnnnnnn. The sexual tension between her and Snake is rising.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Oh my God. Sibley is a fucking horrible bitch. I just got to the part, but she's clearly framing the good midwife as a witch and then the girl panicked, the baby died and they showed it.

Jesus Christ.
 
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