We aren't 24/7, but yeah it's similar with us. It's just a given part of our dynamic. Obviously we have emergency safewords just in case, but barring that, in practice I have access to her whenever I please, regardless of her will, and she often puts up a hell of a fight.
Last time was particularly enjoyable!
Man its been 2 years now since I've been tied up last..dry spell is killing me lol
Read through the whole thread and the BDSM wiki on wikipedia.. Very helpful and detailed. Hello BDSM-GAF!
I'm kind of at a weird point in my life. About a month ago I broke up with a beautiful woman who was a bit into BDSM, whereas i'd never really looked into it or been into it before. We dated for about 3 months and broke up mainly because I'm a fool, and am uncertain of what I want in my life, so when we got into an argument about something really silly I broke it off and kept myself emotionally closed off about it. Figured i'd just find someone new. I didn't really realize what i'd done until recently.
A few nights ago my friend wanted to go out to a club, and I went along with. My ex was there with a new guy, and some aptly timed music and them making out very obviously really hurt me in a way i'd never felt before. She definitely did it on purpose, eye contact and everything. Came home from work today and just started crying, which never happens. I talked to her a little bit, hoping maybe someday I can earn her trust back, but who really knows. That cut me pretty deep. And on some level, I feel the light BDSM play had something to do with this.
I got my ears pierced partially because of her. It was something i'd wanted to do for awhile but I'd always been kind of afraid of the pain. It really wasn't bad at all, and i'm so glad I did it! She got me started on a bit of kinky stuff, collars and restraints seem like something that would be a lot of fun to me now. I'm still new to all of this so I don't know how far it'll really go for me, and we didn't have much equipment, just sort of toyed with the ideas a bit.
Anyways, we have a local BDSM night at a club some weekends but i'm still sort of intimidated by it all, and she had some interest in attending those (I know she's been to a few now) so I don't know how i'll deal with that.. Anyone here have some advice? I guess i'm still unsure how into it i'd really be, and dealing with these feelings is going to be tricky. Maybe I should just avoid it.
I need to get my girlfriend into this, stat.
Edit: Tying me up, that is
I am no BDSM expert so please take what I say on that basis. I do find it fascinating and have read several books on the subject and have listened to no end of podcasts about it however so I do have some understanding of it, if virtually no practical experience.
After saying all that my response to you would be to consider writing to her. Elaborate on what you said above and wish her well in her new relationship. She is with someone else now so it's probably best to let her go than hanker after her. However, you may be able to clear the air between you enough that you can at least be civil to each other if you bump into each other or even be friends. If nothing else it would at least clear your conscience.
With regard to actually going to a BDSM night at a local club, it sounds as if you would be better served going to a local Munch first. If you don't know, a Munch is an informal gathering of BDSM minded folk in an ordinary bar/cafe/restaurant in normal, everyday clothing. It's a social event for people to meet and dip their toes into their local BDSM community under the appearance of 'normality' and without the pressure of any BDSM play going on.
That is what I would do in your situation but I am not you so I hope at least some of that proves helpful to you and that you find a way forward that suits you.
Good luck!
No that's good advice, thanks. I thought from what I read a munch was a BDSM gathering where you'd be required to be sort of in-character, knowing that it's a more normalized setting sounds a lot more comfortable than just going to a club where everyone's dressed up and they have sessions going on. Not sure if i'm really at that point yet, haha.
And I have spoke to her a bit. Things will be a little weird for some time, but I think we'll still be friends. I just don't want to show up to some sort of BDSM event as an outsider where she's not, probably wouldn't go all that well.
not sure what you guys are talking about, so you have a usual safeword that gets ignored and a real emergency safeword?
No that's good advice, thanks. I thought from what I read a munch was a BDSM gathering where you'd be required to be sort of in-character, knowing that it's a more normalized setting sounds a lot more comfortable than just going to a club where everyone's dressed up and they have sessions going on. Not sure if i'm really at that point yet, haha.
And I have spoke to her a bit. Things will be a little weird for some time, but I think we'll still be friends. I just don't want to show up to some sort of BDSM event as an outsider where she's not, probably wouldn't go all that well.
Sounds like you need a switch!
On another NSFW note, did some rougher anal and there was a bit of bleeding. I'm not at all concerned about it (I'm bleeding), but my partner seemed to think it was the end of the world.
Am I right? Is he right? It's semi-amusing to me because he's so nonchalant about poop (well, poop comes from there so if there's poop.. that's normal) and I freak out about poop (OMIGOD POOP NOOO), but about blood it's totally opposite.
Maybe we just need more lube?
I had no idea this thread existed. I'm subscribing.
Something I've been into for a very long time but has always been a bit of struggle to get my partners into. Definitely going to take the time to read some stories in here and get more perspective. I love both roles but being a sub is a lot more fun considering I'm incredibly petite. However, lately I've had a big dom craving. Getting partners to be submissive is incredibly difficult though. Hopefully, with more time + patience + them being more sexually comfortable, I can play with them how I want. ;____;
Wait, isn't your bf a GAFer? Could just peer pressure him.
how do i meet chicks into stuff like this?
how do i meet chicks into stuff like this?
munch
A low-pressure, social gathering at a restaurant or pub for people into BDSM. Particularly intended for people new to the scene who might be intimidated by a play party
Well, if you don't feel ready for a play party, drop by the munch next week and meet some people.
50 Shades Comes Closer.....
are y'all prepared for the inevitable injuries that millions of couples across the nation will sustain?
On another NSFW note, did some rougher anal and there was a bit of bleeding. I'm not at all concerned about it (I'm bleeding), but my partner seemed to think it was the end of the world.
Am I right? Is he right? It's semi-amusing to me because he's so nonchalant about poop (well, poop comes from there so if there's poop.. that's normal) and I freak out about poop (OMIGOD POOP NOOO), but about blood it's totally opposite.
Maybe we just need more lube?
FKA Twigs does a shibari suspension for the music video to "Pendulum" (my favourite track on the album).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8yix8PZKlw
I have had entirely too many not-fun experiences with painful anal that I don't think I would ever do it/have it done to me on purpose. Ow ow ow ;(
50 Shades Comes Closer.....
are y'all prepared for the inevitable injuries that millions of couples across the nation will sustain?
Fuck fifty shades of grey.
ok, I'm no expert in BDSM and I've never read the book before, but this is the 2nd time I've heard someone (who happenes to be into "legit" BDSM) react negatively towards Fifty Shades. was it just inaccurate in it's portrait of the whole BDSM experience or something? that other person told me basically the book make it seem like this Grey guy is into romantic BDSM stuff and bring the girl into or something while in reality his action would constitute as rape or assault seeing that he did not back up and end the session when his partner object it or something.
wow, I had no idea. I guess you can still say it's a fantasy and not supposed to be a "guide", but still, fuck fifty shades of grey
Naw.
You can go, but just follow the rules and be respectful of others. It's not like a normal club.
Synopsis of the negative light behind the books and film :
"BDSM is a community that believes in safety & comfort. Consent is always necessary, and partners take care of each other. After acts and roleplays, partners comfort each other to help transition out of that zone. FSOG does not include any of this. Mr. Grey gives Anastasia (a then-virgin) an ultimatum; to sign a contract or leave. She is sexually inexperienced (being a virgin) and he manipulates that to push her boundaries to make it seem like the sexually violent things he is doing to her are okay. There are instances where after an act, he is mad at her for being upset, but does not comfort her. He uses alcohol to sway her consent this is by law rape. There is also an instance where she uses the safe word, yet he continues. That is consent being retracted, and Christian ignores the retraction of consent. That is sexual assault.
The reason it makes people within the BDSM community upset in particular is due to reinforcing the stigma that BDSM would be unsafe and overstepping boundaries when the community has been really adamant about doing the exact opposite. Safe, sane and consensual etc. I haven't read the book, but it sure sounds really stupid in that regard.
It definitely is putting negative light on something that isn't there for the BDSM community. Everything we do is with consent, consideration, and caring in mind. This movie not only portrays something incredibly false, it portrays something both illegal and overall disgusting. Its glorifying an abusive relationship and is a negative influence towards those that were too curious to try it out before. Imagine, now people will use this film as a basis of standards for their own sexual experiences. Its terrible.
FSOG goes completely beyond the basic rules of BDSM. Saying the safeword is a full-stop on everything. In order to do that, you need two things; trust and respect. FSOG doesn't show either. I even heard some people describe it as a rape fantasy, and in a way, it is; going on past the safeword, pushing her past her limits by force and alcohol.
I haven't read FSOG but intend to in order to be better informed and make my own mind up rather than just accept the word of others. However, as I understand it, it originally started as Twilight fan fiction so I do not have high hopes for it.