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Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
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Agent Cooper
Member
PM would be sweet.see above! I was lucky that when I moved here, I already had stuff set up (language school, internship), so I was busy right away. That's probably the best thing, try to be busy right off the bat, so you don't fall into the "ohgod I'm alone in a new city" vibe. If you go volunteering, work out, find a job, go exploring right away it'll be a much smoother transition. Talk to locals at bars/restaurants/on the street, ask them for help (people LOVE helping others, especially new people/tourists, and it's much less awkward than "random" chatter). Just ask someone where you might find a new restaurant, or a hip thing to do, because you're new in town. I can talk more about it if you want via PM/Steam or so, don't wanna clog up the thread with my experieences
Exr
Member
I have seen a lot of ugly people with good looking partners. Not that you're ugly, but I'm just saying.
I know telling someone to try to think positive does nothing since I have had people tell me that for years, but it really does help neojubei. There are always new things to experience and try in life, there are so many people and so many things. Learn to love yourself first! You sound like you are in a rut, but if I remember correctly you are pretty young... do you have any friends or people you can talk to about games or some shit locally?
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Ah. Awesome. Hope you like it.
I packed up my car just under a year ago and drove almost 3000 km's to move to another province. I only brought what I could fit in my car. I was lucky enough to be living somewhere a bit out in the country that is very affordable and live with my SO. Feel free to PM me. I'll try to add anymore hiccups I've come across over the last year as I remember them.
Also, if you have any health conditions, get the documentation and get 3 months of prescriptions written from a doctor. Also, check if your current cell phone provider (which I assume you are under contract for) has coverage in the area you want to move. I got burned pretty badly with this.
Edit: Also, note that if you feel you have depression issues (depression GAF!), don't overwhelm yourself right away. I did this to myself even though I knew I was under some extenuating circumstances. I'm stubborn and try to force myself to do too much and by myself. Being busy is good but don't burn the candle at both ends. Give your life a manageable pace.
Celexa tends to be kind of activating. I usually took it on the morning. Mirtazapine, on the other hand, made me sleepy, so I'd take it in the evening.
It's always a good idea to start with a low dose and slowly build it up. That really does help keep the side effects down. Antidepressants don't work immediately - they almost certainly work, at least in part, by helping your neurons to rewire. That takes time. Taking a higher dose right away won't really accelerate the process, but it will give you more side effects from the immediate actions of the drug (your body uses serotonin for all sorts of stuff). As a general rule, few things in biology work on the "if 1 is good, 2 is better" rule. That's especially true in your brain - you can imagine that there's a continuum from depression to mania, and you want to land somewhere in the middle. So follow the dosing instructions you're given, even if you really wish you could ramp up the dose faster, or take 5 pills and feel 5x as good. It won't get you anywhere.
Mirtazapine made me insatiably hungry. I just ate everything in the house - I never felt full. That's actually good if you need to gain some weight or if your appetite is down. Just something to watch for.
Celexa is actually basically the same drug as Lexapro (Celexa is a racemic mixture whereas Lexapro is the S-enantiomer. Smiley knows what I'm talking about. Fist-bump.) - in simple terms, there are two forms of the citalopram molecule. Celexa has both, whereas Lexapro just has one (the one that is thought to be most active). Lexapro has a reputation as being very effective for anxiety disorders, moreso than Celexa, but that's because Lexapro is still under patent, so it gets promoted more heavily.
They're both good drugs. Give us an update in a little bit!
There isn't anything in this world for me and I have nothing of value to comtribute to it. Winners win and losers like myself suffer. If I had any sort of luck I would die in my sleep rather than sticking a sword in my chest. I'm old fat ugly and short. Sooner I'm gone the better I suppose. The last 10 years was worthless so the next 10 will be the same at least now I see how things wont get better unless I die now and don't have to deal with the crap in the future.
My dad/uncle/aunt found out about me going into a bathub and slittling my right wrist. This was the outcome lol: link
I know it was stupid but I wish they hadn't found out, they're all legitimately mad at me. I've found the more I talk to people about my depression the more frustrated and pissed off they get. Makes it very difficult to open up to people. I know they're just worried, but blegh.
I know it was stupid but I wish they hadn't found out, they're all legitimately mad at me. I've found the more I talk to people about my depression the more frustrated and pissed off they get. Makes it very difficult to open up to people. I know they're just worried, but blegh.
I think getting angry is the natural reaction to it. But after that, most people become more sympathetic, especially if you keep being open about it.
Whoa, another member of Las Vegas-Depression GAF. High-five.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I just want to add that Lexapro is now available in generic form. The pills were like $120 for 30. It should be as cheap as Celexa generic which is like $10/30.
Thanks for the reply. The psychiatrist suggested Celexa because it's apparently almost the exact same drug as Lexapro, only it's way cheaper. The Celexa would be the anti-depressant, and the Mirtazapine would be to help me sleep better at night. The sleeping aid I take now gives me extreme anxiety at night, so he suggested I try to wean myself off of them right away.
Oops. You're right! Lexapro is generic now, too.
So maybe Celexa is still cheaper? There are sort of levels of generic-ness. Sometimes one manufacturer will have the rights to provide the generic version of a drug for some time, which is weird. And some drugs are just expensive to manufacture, so even the generics cost a lot.
Anyway, that sounds like a good strategy. Keep us updated.
Looking back at my life now I see eveything is worthless. If I died right now it would not matter or even if I lived it would not matter. Even now someone is dying someone is being born someone is experiencing great pain or great joy. The guy I like is probably in bed with his awesome boyfriend making love. I could just jump out of the window onto the pavement or stab this sword in my eye through my brain. Tomorrow the sun rises the winners always win and the losers suffer.
Winners always win because they try everyday
Jubei - I really feel for you. I won't pretend to know what it's like to be you - we're obviously different in many ways. But what I can say is that I've experienced long stretches of my life in which I too was so ashamed of my life, felt so worthless, so hopeless, that I wanted to die. And I very nearly did on more than one occasion. I would not wish the kind of pain I felt (and still feel sometimes) on anyway. Moreover, I would not wish your pain on my worst enemy, let alone on someone like you that I am so fond of.
I've talked to you a bit - not as much as some others in this thread, whether because I don't know what to say or because you tend to keep us at arm's length, I cannot say. I will say, again, that I like you a great deal and I do offer my friendship, as much or as little as you would like to avail yourself of it. If you would like to, you could even call me. Or we could write back and forth. I offer you your choice into how you'd like to talk to me. And I don't really offer that to just anyone.
I feel like this thread is not providing the help you need. People get frustrated because you rebut every kind word or piece of advice given. You post again and again that your life is over, everything is hopeless, and there's no possible way you'll ever be better. I know what you are feeling is real, 100%, and it takes courage to share that raw emotion. However, it doesn't seem like this is actually getting you anywhere. It simply perpetuates the circumstances you find yourself in. Maybe you find it helpful - I won't tell you that you have to post in some different way. What I will say is that your current approach is not working. I ask you (not tell you, or demand of you) to try posting in a different way, even for a short trial period.
Oomi often posts about her despair and her own sense of hopelessness, but she has become such a positive and respected member of this community (soon to overtake UChip in number of posts in the thread, closing in on 400) - and seriously, look at the responses she gets to her posts. She may be the most beloved poster in the thread (<3 Oomi so much) - but more often she responds to others, offering kind words, bits of wisdom, or simply saying "I've heard what you have to say." And she proves that latter point by offering in-depth remarks in her replies. It's never in doubt that she has read a full post and taken time to consider what the poster has to say. And I think that, if she were asked, she might say that shifting from posting exclusively about her own troubles to trying to fight depression in others is a more valuable approach, both for her peers in this thread and in her own struggles. And she'll compliment her fellow depression-GAFfers (I was humbled and it made me feel good when she dropped a compliment for me in a recent post - I think it brings a smile to most of our faces to hear that we're doing something right).
I think another one of our beloved posters, Prax, would say the same thing. She speaks less to her own problems and instead gives us epic posts responding, at some length, and in great detail, to multiple posts from other members of the community. And we love her for that. Again, I think she'd say that doing so is personally therapeutic.
For my own bit, I haven't gone into what has been happening to me very much - I've mentioned it in PMs and in our last chat, but it is not of as much value to simply air my grievances. I much prefer to help you all fight your battles. and when I fight your depression, it's like I can take my issues out of my own head, externalize them, and attack them much more effectively. It has really helped me to fight my own issues when I've cast them in terms of other people's problems. We tend to be more rational when it comes to considering problems in others, rather than in ourselves.
So here's my proposal - for the nest week or two, use your posts to respond to what other people have to say. Offer your take on things, share any advice you have, or advice you've been given for dealing with the same situation. If nothing else, just tell people that you've read their posts - reply to the various points they raise, even if just to say, "man, I hear that. I'm been in that same place..." This is honestly a big part of what people want to hear. That validation is very powerful. Just... give it a try. Resist posting "my life is useless." Try to engage others in conversation, and let people know that you appreciate them taking the time to help others in here, or compliment their wisdom, or just their writing style. Just give it a try for me for two weeks and see how you feel and hoe people react to you. It's a simple change, but one that I've ound very valuable.
*addendum*
If you're replying to jubei, try to change you approach as well. Telling him his feelings are wrong is not going to work. Share a relevant song, or identify things he says that you can identify with. Share quotes that are relevant. Or maybe try to make him laugh? Honestly, from both sides, we're failing to get anywhere with these discussions. Let's try to approach things differently.
Clockwork5
Member
I like Houston. My parents live there and I visit a couple times a year. I am toying with the idea of moving there myself. Austin is pretty awesome though. It is definitely one of my favorite places to visit.
We're going to set our first deadline for submissions to the depression-GAF anthology. Have a rough draft (and it can be quite rough) to me by April 12. This will help us plan how things can go together and will help me identify areas that I may ask people to write about. Again artwork (and after we have the first round of submissions, I can put forth some idea for things for people to illustrate), poetry (even your angsty adolescent Prax poetry!), short stories, essays, personal histories, tributes to fellow depression-GAFfers - it's all welcome. And feel free to submit multiple things if you're a prolific writer (come on, Oomi!). Let's make this a real symbol of what this thread is about. We have a ton of lurkers, and I feel like we can really help a lot of people who read this thread with this collection. This is also a chance for our more shy members to submit their stories - you can submit anonymously.
Second, I'd love to have more penpals! Take me up on the offer, people!
Second, I'd love to have more penpals! Take me up on the offer, people!
Collete
Member
I just want to clear up, have I been doing the bolded all the time or should I change my approach?
Also....I was "D:" the whole entire time you complimented me. I think you over exaggerate my worth in this thread, but it is nice being pushed as a "nurse's assistant" to you haha.
You're not my nurse's assistant. You're like my chief resident.
And I think you provide a great example of how to respond to people ina really constructive way. You don't o the short, "Just try to change!" type thing, but nor do you offer over-elaborate, unrealistic advice. The way you respond to people is really something people should take inspiration from!
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Do you have a questionnaire or something to help write about depression?
been completely scatter brained the last few.days.
been completely scatter brained the last few.days.
I could provide some questions, kinda an interview thing, if that's what you'd like to do. But however you want to write about your depression is fine by me. It can be a history, a a narrative, a description of what it feels like...however you want to approach it.
And after you put together even a super rough draft, we can discuss the direction you'd like to take it.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Just a few questions to get me started. Like an essay prompt.
Man, and I got my degree in English lit!
Man, and I got my degree in English lit!
I hope others will chime in!
Here are a few off the top of my head:
How would you describe your depression to people who have never experienced anything like it?
Are there positive things about depression?
How do you react to other people with depression? Do you find yourself judging, ore thinking "man, that's not real" even though you suffer from the same illness.
Is there a book, game, movie character who gives an interesting portrayal of depression?
What kinds of things are you finding helpful in the thread? Is there someone whose posts you'd like to talk about?
What do you think your future will look like when your depression goes into remission? Will you still look back on your depressed year?
Does depression make it hard to form relationships (of all types)? Why? How can you do a better job with this?
Should depressed people be discouraged or even blocked from certain activities. For example, should we elect someone with a strong history of depression as president?
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Sweet. Thanks.
GoddyofAus
Banned
Apparently anti-depressants don't agree with my waterworks. I've been on both Cymbalta and Zoloft and both have caused severe urinary retention which scares me shitless. I've since dropped both. It sucks man. Do anything to me but please don't take away my ability to piss.
Our last Praxchat started out a little slowly, but we eventually had some fantastic discussion, with tons of people in the room.
Let's shoot for noon CST (1:00 EST, 5:00 GMT) and 6:00 CST (7:00 EST), 11:00 GMT)
http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/
Channel: #depression_gaf depressionsucks
Would a daily scheduled chat, at say 6:00 CST 2300 GMT be something people would make use of? It wouldn't have to be a long chat every time, but this would give people a time to show up and expect to find people chatting. This also gives out great lurkers more chance to participate. We can have a topic prepared, but no one has to discuss that, obviously.
Or would people prefer a less frequent chat? We could always do a mini chat everyday, and then schedule the actual chat of the week for Friday or Saturday. Chat has just proven to be a valuable thing, whether it's people getting immediate help from the community or just a chance to feel a bit better because Prax is being hilariously random. I agree with Ratsky that we should decide on some way to makew these a more regular thing, so people know the best time to show up.
I will note that chat is actually always up, and I idle in there witha few other people. You can hop in any time and start chatting. If I don't respond (generally because I don't see the browser tab blinking), send me a PM, a message on skype, or on my steam account - DrKatz.
Let's shoot for noon CST (1:00 EST, 5:00 GMT) and 6:00 CST (7:00 EST), 11:00 GMT)
http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/
Channel: #depression_gaf depressionsucks
Would a daily scheduled chat, at say 6:00 CST 2300 GMT be something people would make use of? It wouldn't have to be a long chat every time, but this would give people a time to show up and expect to find people chatting. This also gives out great lurkers more chance to participate. We can have a topic prepared, but no one has to discuss that, obviously.
Or would people prefer a less frequent chat? We could always do a mini chat everyday, and then schedule the actual chat of the week for Friday or Saturday. Chat has just proven to be a valuable thing, whether it's people getting immediate help from the community or just a chance to feel a bit better because Prax is being hilariously random. I agree with Ratsky that we should decide on some way to makew these a more regular thing, so people know the best time to show up.
I will note that chat is actually always up, and I idle in there witha few other people. You can hop in any time and start chatting. If I don't respond (generally because I don't see the browser tab blinking), send me a PM, a message on skype, or on my steam account - DrKatz.
Clockwork5
Member
I can understand where you are coming from. Both of my parents have struggled with depression most of their lives and I believe I have somewhat of a genetic predisposition to depression myself. My highschool years were mostly miserable. That feeling of not caring if your dead or alive creeps into your thoughts on a daily basis. It can be very difficult to turn this around and quite honestly, it takes time and effort. I understand if you don't have the emotional stamina to attack this right now. I just hope you have a sliver of faith that one day you will recognize that your life has a chance of improving. Looking back, that realization is the first big step. It is not blind optimism, rather, just the recognition of a chance of improvement.
Also, thanks for the kind words. But I really feel like that phone conversation with my mother averted one crisis. But she was the one who had to make it through each day and wake up the next. I may have helped, but she saved her own life. I am super proud of her.
Best of luck today
I am going to treat myself to some sushi after work (I love sushi) You should do something nice for yourself today as well!
So that's an anticholinergic effect. Tricyclics, like Nortriptylline, are particularly bad. Celexa and Paxil are both known to give stronger anticholinergic side effects (if dry mouth is a common side effect, there'a a good chance you'll have the urinary symptoms as well), Zoloft has some as well.
Effexor has fewer cholinergic side effects, so that might be a good option. I had good luck with it, and I didn't experience the dry mouth or urinary retention problems.
Vanillalite
Ask me about the GAF Notebook
Speaking of which I am at the doctor now for one of my yearly follow ups for anxiety and depression.
Collete
Member
Eh I dunno. I have something else but it's not exactly made for anyone's eyes till I actually publish my work professionally.
I'll see if I can write something else but month of April I'll be insanely busy (of course I'll procrastinate here but yeah...)
Tell us how it goes if you can.
I hope your condition has improved.
Bagels reminded me about relating songs and other media about depression to hopefully help others.
I don't know if this helps anyone but, I recently listened to a song awhile back that just kind of reminds me of my struggle (I don't know if it's relatable to anyone else though...)
Just listen up to 2:54ish...It's not that long...Although I don't recommend actually watching the video...TL;DR just listen to it.
"They say
Oh, oh it's so down, but baby it's sound
makes your worries cease to pound
And oh, maybe it's alright, 'cause baby it fights
for some time just to be held tight
And oh, maybe it's not wrong, 'cause it sings a lovely song
one that drifts on for so long
And oh, baby let's not lie, it's eyes are alive
and pointed up shining light to the sky"
Edit: oh look 400 posts in this thread...I should consider moving out but too lazy to get to know other communities haha...
:O Noooooo! I can't lose my Watson, my Robin, the hand of the king, etc.!
Why even try if you always fail? I rather just let the winners win and i can just be 6 feet under and do not have to worry about being a loser anymore.
Been locked in my room for 3 days now, my cell phone is smashed and my room is a mess. I'm in complete loser mode.
I see others online on facebook having kids, getting married and stuff that i will never have. Just tired of being alive. Things dont get better least not for me. any change is always a negative.
I always get an adrenaline rush reading one of your long posts, or Prax's or Oomi's. You're all so smart, and full of helpful advice.
And to make your post even more awesome, this song started playing right after I began reading it (I was listening to Lynyrd Skynird's first album). Now I'll probably read every post of yours with that song in my mind, which is one of the greatest things that could ever happen here. Bags' post + "Free bird"? Delicious, exquisite and a fine and tasty combination.
I've been thinking about it, and have come with a few ideas about the topic you told me, but I don't know how to put it on (virtual) paper. I don't want it to be just a list with a link and a little description, that would be totally lame.
You're too kind. I'm a huge fan of Oomi and Prax and Fiction or course, but many of you have settled in new roles as regulars in here. Your posts are always great, Smiley90 is really watching out for people, Windam is struggling, but he still finds time for insightful posts. I could go on and on. That's why I asked jubei to try a new style of postng. I know he could do so much to help people and help himself in the process.
This thread has no right to be this good. A discussion of depression, heartfelt offers for help, true friendships, people watching out for each other - how did we do it on a videogame forum?
I can't help anyone let alone myself. I am not good at giving advice.
chat in 20 minutes.
Just try. You're not getting anywhere just saying how you can't make it over and over. Those posts are impossible to respond to. Try writing about how a specific event made you feel, or talk about what you wished would happen, or just read other people's posts and respond, even if it's short and you don't have any advice. Start a dialogue.
11:00 GMT in the morning? Or you mean 23:00? 'Cause the former is 08:00 AM here, and I won't be able to be there then. If it's at night I may be able to participate before dinner, or after 22:00.
Thanks a lot for this reply. It's not easy to accept that you aren't a total failure, when your brain is screaming that you are. It sucks, and it shouldn't be like this. For nobody. I hope I recognize it too, as I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.I can understand where you are coming from. Both of my parents have struggled with depression most of their lives and I believe I have somewhat of a genetic predisposition to depression myself. My highschool years were mostly miserable. That feeling of not caring if your dead or alive creeps into your thoughts on a daily basis. It can be very difficult to turn this around and quite honestly, it takes time and effort. I understand if you don't have the emotional stamina to attack this right now. I just hope you have a sliver of faith that one day you will recognize that your life has a chance of improving. Looking back, that realization is the first big step. It is not blind optimism, rather, just the recognition of a chance of improvement.
Also, thanks for the kind words. But I really feel like that phone conversation with my mother averted one crisis. But she was the one who had to make it through each day and wake up the next. I may have helped, but she saved her own life. I am super proud of her.
Best of luck today
You should do something nice for yourself today as well!
Both your mother and you contributed to save her life. In the end, it was her decision, but you were there for her. Who knows what would have happened if she was alone? But she wasn't, you stood by her side all the time, and she was able to overcome those horrible thoughts. You should be super proud of her, and also of yourself!
Go grab that sushi, yeah! (I never tried it, I'm
Clockwork5
Member
Check out Paul Gilbert's CD Fuzz Universe. Incredible guitarist and a great collection of instrumental rock!
A link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZqQukK4A0U
A link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZqQukK4A0U
The Abominable Snowman
Member
Is depression also linked to money (Or can it be)
I make very careful, very routine schedules and calendars for my account, but it just seems like when I overspend or have too many bills coming out at one time, I slip into depression and say or do something that makes people worry about me.
It's put space in between all my relationships with friends. Havent seen some of my friends for a month because I'm inexplicably upset at them because I went out of town with them and overspent. Now I'm content wallowing in my room and find myself off of social networks just to avoid them and other people.
Searching for a PT job, just to help with things in the meanwhile, but part of me just can't well cope.
I dont even know if it's 'legit' depression.
I make very careful, very routine schedules and calendars for my account, but it just seems like when I overspend or have too many bills coming out at one time, I slip into depression and say or do something that makes people worry about me.
It's put space in between all my relationships with friends. Havent seen some of my friends for a month because I'm inexplicably upset at them because I went out of town with them and overspent. Now I'm content wallowing in my room and find myself off of social networks just to avoid them and other people.
Searching for a PT job, just to help with things in the meanwhile, but part of me just can't well cope.
I dont even know if it's 'legit' depression.
2300, yeah. I should have cleared that up.
Anway, first chat is up now.
http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/
Channel: #depression_gaf depressionsucks
ClassyPenguin
Banned
NeOak
Member
Oh wow. This thread has been quite an eye opener. I was feeling sad but reading motivational posts have made me feel much better, even if they weren't directed at me. So much support for people here.
As for Houstonians, I've had nothing but positive experiences. So much diversity in cultures that makes a unique combination only seen in cities like NY.
To be fair, I have yet to visit Austin. But Houston is not bad at all.
Hmm, I moved in to Houston about 3 months ago. I find it rather interesting, but I do agree about the clubs.
As for Houstonians, I've had nothing but positive experiences. So much diversity in cultures that makes a unique combination only seen in cities like NY.
To be fair, I have yet to visit Austin. But Houston is not bad at all.
Just get a part time job and pay off your debt. At least you have friends to go away with. You could be like me and have no one.
If you go out just budget your spending money. At least should know you have friends to spend time with. Don't me a loser like me. Think about how much better your life will be. You have friends who want to be with you. When I'm dead and gone you can still go on and enjoy life
Welcome aboard! I think people on the outside don't realize what a strong community we have here. Many of us are very close friends outside of the thread. Join us in chat, send PMs, you can be a much a part of this community as you'd like.
Depression-GAF all-star contact list - hit us up if you need to talk
This may not be totally updated. As always, let me know if you'd like to be added
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [steam
rKatz][Chat]Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
Clockwork5
Member
Absolutely. Depression can be triggered by anxiety caused by circumstances in one's life. Any Depression is 'legit' depression.
At least you can identify what triggers these episodes, the next step is to create a plan or system that keeps you from overspending.
Have you tried making (and sticking to) a budget? I thought saving money was something i was just not equipped to do until I got some great advice about personal budgets. It is alarming at first (especially if you're honest about your spending habits). But a month or two into it you will get excited about making your budget and finding ways to save money. Along with the budget a spending 'diary' is necessary, that way you can see exactly where your money is going.
With a budget you can tell your money what to do instead of your money telling you what to do. It is crazy empowering and only takes a few minutes each day.
Good luck!
The Abominable Snowman
Member
Thank you.
I use calendarbudget currently to set a budget, and it always looks like I should be making ends meet, but something unexpected ALWAYS comes out of nowhere, and yeah i do have substantial debt. Thankfully the student loans people were understanding.
And it still seems that often, just on the back of bills, I wont make it. I just got car insurance, and i added that into my budget and all I could see were long stripes of red without factoring a lunch or grocery budget in at all.
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