Proud of that first post, but it's hard to respond to the second one, yeah? If someone says, "no," you'll just argue with them.
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Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
Proud of that first post, but it's hard to respond to the second one, yeah? If someone says, "no," you'll just argue with them.
Clockwork5
Member
I have gathered from some of your posts that some of the reason for the depth of your depression right now has to do with a romantic interest. I feel your pain. The girl whom I was ready to ask to marry me broke up with me the day after i started secretly looking for a ring. It was devestating. This happened in November and I am still struggling.
But that is also how I found this thread and I totally agree with Bagels. Trying to help others is a great way to improve your feeling of self worth.
Please entertain this question: If you could help brighten someones day with a friendly post, would that improve your mood in the slightest? It has for me and while I may not give the best advice, I try to remain genuinely helpful. Just knowing that people who are dealing with depression appreciate my posts helps me forget about my own issues, if even for a short while.
I know I just kind of jumped into these conversations a few days ago, but i did follow this thread while I was in my darkest days this winter. I really feel for some of the posters on this thread, and I relate to you as well. Just know that we are all here for each other.
I saw a glimpse of a more positive you in your previous post. Well done.
Clockwork5
Member
If you cant make ends meet (even the bare minimum) then I think you are on the right track. A PT job might make a world of difference.
I work 2 jobs and yeah it isn't what I want to be doing with my time, but between the two jobs and my budget I never worry about bills anymore. (Now I worry about my nonexistent retirement fund, but hey... baby steps, right?)
Collete
Member
I don't know about you, but kind of feels like if Muse and Emancipator had a child this would be a result. I like it though.
Ah good, we're motivational? Didn't think of it like that at all haha.
Feel free to post here if you need help. We'll try our best to help you.
I dunno, I lived here all my life and I just can't seem to love this city.
The only good I experienced when I was handicapped for 2 months and was unable to use my left leg, people really went out of their way to help me. It was my first experience of kindness from humanity. It was almost overwhelming. But most of Houston are kind of just short tempered...Either that or I go to wrong part of town...
I guess I'm more biased with Austin because of all the nature and the downtown area isn't all that big...(I'm a big nature lover and hate urban areas...)
Oh I'm not smart at all.
Despite me nearing the end of my bachelor's in Psych, I actually learned absolutely nothing about helping others or myself.
It was a complete waste of time.
However, I think most of my advice comes on a "hunch" or personal experience that I can relate to (usually the latter).
It's not about being smart all I don't think...
Do you want to send me a PM about your ideas? I might be able to help you launch something (can't guarantee anything)
And nothing sounds lame, 9/10 it's actually amazing. I submitted my...thing... (I don't even think Bagels knows what to call it either haha...) and thought it was utter shit, but after feed back from several people, I realize I got something good here. So you're going to be ok.
Jubei you are on the right start, I thank you for attempting with what Bagels suggested. Keep it up, I believe in you!
I celebrate every little positive thing Oomi admits about herself!
High-five. You have a Saga avatar that automatically makes you awesome.
I can't help anyone. If I'm a loser then why can't I just kill myself right now. I have the means right now. I am tired of waking up to this world everyday
NeOak
Member
Welcome aboard! I think people on the outside don't realize what a strong community we have here. Many of us are very close friends outside of the thread. Join us in chat, send PMs, you can be a much a part of this community as you'd like.
Depression-GAF all-star contact list - hit us up if you need to talk
This may not be totally updated. As always, let me know if you'd like to be added
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [steamrKatz][Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
Thanks. I appreciate it. My sadness is more of a crushed hope (and heart lol) so its quite light, but i'll pop in sometimes to lurk and maybe give a bit of support.
As for the contact list, i'll keep it in mind.
Yup, found the posts motivational. And I will, but at the moment my thing is more of trying to detox from a crush.
I'd say you go to the wrong side of town IMO. I only visited the city during college vacations and everyone I met treated me quite well, and have done since i finished college and moved in here. But I would have to know more about what you mean by "short tempered", since your personal experiences are different from mine.
Have you been to San Antonio? The riverwalk, during an afternoon to just relax and talk with friends is fantastic.
Clockwork5
Member
Maybe you cant help anyone right now... But like everything, you will get better the more you try.
I know it made me smile to simply see a sliver of optimism in one of your posts. If you continue to respond, so will I. I respect the fact that you express your true feelings.
Anyway, I am rooting for you.
Welcome aboard! I think people on the outside don't realize what a strong community we have here. Many of us are very close friends outside of the thread. Join us in chat, send PMs, you can be a much a part of this community as you'd like.
Depression-GAF all-star contact list - hit us up if you need to talk
This may not be totally updated. As always, let me know if you'd like to be added
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [steam
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
Feel free to add me:
cam [skype: nithidia] [steam: nithidia]
I'm on skype a fair amount and can sometimes game. I'm just busy for the next two weeks approximately.
The fact that everybody in this thread recognizes Saga makes me bristle with excitement.
Have you considered alternate employment? I'm genuinely interested in your answer, or I wouldn't have reposted. What other jobs have you worked in the past besides the call center job?
As for myself, I know in the past when I have pursued different jobs, it was always intimidating (to a degree) at first, but after a short while I adjusted, and ended up being well-liked and fitting in quite well.
I can also say (and I'm sure many here would echo these sentiments) that just putting in a normal day of work when suffering from depression can be grueling. I seriously could not imagine trying to work a call center job like you during that type of turmoil. The fact that you can still hang in there at your particular job while suffering the various effects of depression shows a particular degree of fortitude, seriously.
Side note, Facebook can be really poisonous for people like us with depression. Keep in mind that people nearly always only put on their "happy face" when they post updates. You see that brief moment, but you don't see all the other frustrations and failures that we all experience, but don't necessarily want to share.
After being on Celexa for a month and half, I didn't notice much of a difference at all. I'm going to wait until my health insurance kicks in in April before finding a psychiatrist and figuring out a new way to tackle this medication thing. Haven't been depressed so much as always needing to either drink or smoke when I get home. Otherwise, I sleep. The optimism I felt a while back has waned. Don't see anything changing soon.
I would like to share a song. It's 17 minutes so it requires some patience. It's a beautiful song and a lovely video so I hope you will give it a chance.
Yndi Halda Enjoy Eternal Bliss http://youtu.be/Tmv2i_QgVys
Yndi Halda Enjoy Eternal Bliss http://youtu.be/Tmv2i_QgVys
Oh yes you are. And if the things you say come naturally, instead of having learned them at university, it's even more impressive, and a bigger proof of you intelligence.
Your hunchs are right then, you always give great advice. I do think it's about being smart, and being able to properly express your thoughts with words.
Oh, and if you can help me with my piece of... whatever it is I'll call what I want to write, I'd be really, REALLY grateful. I could even put your name in the credits... in really small leters, 8pt Wingdings, yellow over a white background, so people won't be able to read it and think it was all my idea, ME ME ME! No but seriously, if it doesn't bother you that much it'd be great to ask you for some help with it, if you're fine with it of course.
You rock Oomi
I need to download this game, I hope my PC can run it.
I just want to sit down and die. There is nothing left for me. This job sucked away my life. I know I should find another job even my therapist is pushing me too I just don't have any experience.
As for Facebook I have no friends really. I'm tired of myself. The sooner I stick a screwdriver in my temple the better. People have luck with friends and relationships I don't have such luck
There isn't a self to better least in my caseAlright everyone; long time no see. Glad to see some of you are still alive and breathing. hi five.
edit: hey neo? what happened? you have to put a line in the sand some time, and decide you aren't going to go back mate. Challenge your self to be better. I find that helps.
I was gonna say 1 is always better than 0, so if you're level 0.. but the best things in life are free... so ha ha.
But seriously, you have access to a world of experience. I doubt 90% of the world knows the value of how you feel. When all is lost, don't the simplest things matter the most? like love, friendship, kindness... or is that poetic bullshit?
I don't have any of that
what? you don't know how it feels to be so low that one wants to kill themself?
I meant love kindness and friendship
Collete
Member
Well whenever you're ready then, we'll still be here for ya.
I guess I'm just in the wrong part of town...My part is just ill tempered and spoiled perhaps.
I have been to San Antonio, but it's more of a touristy attraction thouhg. But I do like to walk around there occasionally.
Edit: That reminds me...Our family has a story about a family friend. There was a family that went to the riverwalk and the children were like 3 and the eldest 10 I think? I don't remember. The 3 year old was chasing a butterfly and it went over the river and naturally she followed after the butterfly. The 10 year old somehow became a bad ass and chased her sister down the river and managed to rescue her....Pretty amazing...Although that same kid 10 years later scared me of the boogie man when I was 5...D: Ass hole, but cool lol.
Oh yes you are. And if the things you say come naturally, instead of having learned them at university, it's even more impressive, and a bigger proof of you intelligence.
Your hunchs are right then, you always give great advice. I do think it's about being smart, and being able to properly express your thoughts with words.
Oh, and if you can help me with my piece of... whatever it is I'll call what I want to write, I'd be really, REALLY grateful. I could even put your name in the credits... in really small leters, 8pt Wingdings, yellow over a white background, so people won't be able to read it and think it was all my idea, ME ME ME! No but seriously, if it doesn't bother you that much it'd be great to ask you for some help with it, if you're fine with it of course.
You rock Oomi
You don't...have to compliment that much...I'm not that intelligent...
Of course I don't mind, send it over, all right?
Alright everyone; long time no see. Glad to see some of you are still alive and breathing. hi five.
edit: hey neo? what happened? you have to put a line in the sand some time, and decide you aren't going to go back mate. Challenge your self to be better. I find that helps.
Ash! What brings ya back here again? :O
lostinblue
Banned
Ok, so I stumbled into this thread, and skimmed through the last pages; I'm not depressed and not the type (I'm usually a very positive person) but was bordering on it some two years ago so it's not something I want to revisit, at all.
I'll take the time to explain, I reached 24 years of age, realized I wouldn't be young forever and how the progression from 14 to 24 had been real fast so was having a mid-20's crysis. Meanwhile I was on the third year of my course, and that felt like a tunnel that only got smaller; the professor for the main subject dropped on us a briefing for an showfloor thing done from the ground that easily could amount to work for 100 people (not even joking, the last exposition book had more than 100 people listed, not to mention some companies taking over some tasks), not just that but making everything, studying light spots/instalation, budget, floor carpet measurements and catalog parts, exposition booklets and catalogs, a website... it just didn't end.
He bared us from working in groups/divide work, so he basically let us all with one briefing, usually briefings were a multiple choice kind of thing, just to avoid everyone working on the same thing, said situation led to a really competitive and unpleasant scene where people would fight against and undermine each other, generally not sharing whatever they did despite the fact everyone was doing the same.
This exposition was about an obscure foreign designer only known here, so you google it and you only get 100x100 images of the objects he did, I had to spend 3 weeks home doing HQ scans of ancient catalogs, and then I simply gave it to others, because I'm not an egotistical dude, there would be no point in someone doing the same thing I did all over again I thought.
This, eroded my way of life, which is really liking what I do... and I didn't like that shit, it didn't even have anything to do with my degree, it stopped me from going out which is how I interact with my friends and how I meet new people (some friends told me later on they started to get really pissed at me, because you had situations like a foreign girlfriend of one of them flying over for her birthday, and me being the favorite friend of the boyfriend they had here, and I'd just skip it), and then since I was pretty pissed at the joke that briefing was I talked about it at home and my family shrugged it as "he's not a bastard, he gave you a briefing and you'll just have to do it" because they thought I wanted to give up my course, which I obviously didn't, so I felt unsupported.
(Note: we eventually found out that said professor gave us that briefing in order to get some work done for his wife's next show... for free. Hence why he hand picked the place and had us take measurements for the place; said professor also came up to some of us and asked us if we wanted to a) write his dissertation b) "help" paginate it; he was a high level parasite and he ruined some colleagues of mine who had massive breakdowns thanks to him)
In the end I even started sort of self-mutilating (nothing with razors, thankfully) which could leave me very red the following days and hence skip social life altogether (think black swan film, I guess, but in the face area). I managed to do it in the end, even whilst calling them out on what they did (I thought I didn't have the continuous evaluation process going because I skipped a lot of classes, so I did the written test, which asked us to describe the briefing, so I started saying what I thought of it and it was massive) everyone in my class though I was gonna fail for being too honest, but I had continuous evaluation after all so I actually passed before they got to read it. (and they read it)
Anywho, there you have it, three pilars (work, family, friends) going wrong; and since I had no girlfriend at the time no fourth pilar. In the end, that shit ended, and I kept doing the same thing for a while, not going out, not getting up from the bed even, I didn't like to be up so I'd wake up and stay hours with my eyes closed... for half a summer; then I realized I needed to start a normal life or get help and so I started leading a normal life. It has been a process, no shame in getting help too, I could snap out of it alone though.
I was never close to ending my life, even if I thought about it, but I can relate to the feelings.
THAT, is not the reason I'm writing this, I just did this in order for you guys to relate with me, relevant story comes now.
In my teenager years, I had a band. Me, playing bass and two other guys, two brothers (they were twins in fact) the brightest musicians I ever met, and I met a lot of them; they had the world at their feet, and for me that was just a hobby so eventually the band parted ways; but we stayed friends, for years.
Last time I saw them I was entering the dark phase I just described, and basically told me they were ok, told me stories, I felt they were happy and well, I also assumed that since I was one of their best friends (their words) if they had any problem they'd come to me.
Fast forward a little to after I finished my course and in the process of getting better, I've been thinking about dropping by for months, I get a call, and the caller says; "I just heard the twins hang themselves", I went there, crime scene with police and the like in the garage we used to play in, their mother up front, crying; I grew up with their mother, and their mother was really precious to them so I really can't understand how that happened, it's just out of character. (I'm oversimplifying things here; but I really don't want to elaborate: I'll just say this, young people feeling cornered can lead to disastrous results and I blame the society/politics/crisis and negativism being everywhere for it)
Anywho, turns out; last time I was with them they were pretending that everything was ok; but it wasn't; they were brought up by their mother and their father wouldn't pay child support, so she had to pay for their education, with the financial crisis and the cuts in scholarship she ceased to be able to do so, so she had to pull them out of the conservatory, which was their dream, pride and lifelong goal at the time. They asked her to not tell anyone they weren't there anymore, and kept telling the world they where there and enjoying it, like every lie it hurt them every time they told it so they started to retract from the world, entered into a depression and eventually decided to kill themselves.
And they did, and I only turned a blind eye for so long because I was in the gutter myself.
Do any of you guys think no one would miss you? YOU GUYS ARE WRONG, I only didn't fall into a major depression because I was coming out of one and didn't want to go there again, and I cry to this day, randomly, at times, and that's why I have to reply here; because I realize where you are and what you are capable of, I also realize it's not your fault, but you simply shouldn't do it, it's petty, wrong and cowardly, don't go about it as "I lack the courage to do so"; you lack the courage to do that to others, and that's pretty good quality if you ask me, I lack it as well, I hope everyone lacks it.
Why you ask? because ending it, or the attempt to end it is always a cry for help, the act in itself is always a measure to punish someone or point some cause-effect in your actions. The thing is you can't win, you don't come on top, nothing. You just make other people suffer and blame themselves, for all eternity (be it your intention or not). And there's better ways to leave an impact in this world. Nobody can make it alright all of a sudden, but you can make it better gradually, people also the tend to think "if I had this it would be different" or "if that didn't happen..." but it's never so, you're what you are and if you're susceptible to go down for situation A you're just as prone to... say, situation B), and you have to adapt accordingly. Nobody is happy all the time too, we have moments, for happiness for feeling fulfilled, and times for self-analysis and post mortem of situations, everyone does it, but you have to keep it from shackling you. Make plans, living is like friendship, to keep it alive you have to nurture it, make sure people stay in your life and that you stay on theirs.
Things can always get better, disfigured and disabled people can be happy just for being alive, poor starving people can be happy with way less than what we take for granted, hell, remember when you were kids and a simple chocolate could make you happy? You have to learn to enjoy the small things all over again, just so all of a sudden the things going wrong don't signalize the end of the world because hey, life is beautiful, a sunny day alone can make me happy; and be happy, hug people, tell people what they mean to you at that point in time, not necessarily romantically or anything, just the "I really do enjoy this or that about you"... and you'll get compliments back as well. Also, do something for yourselves on a regular basis, I used to force myself to go out, because I consider myself to be pretty socially awkward and antisocial (most people disagree), I'm not that good with people I don't know because I'm shy, I didn't use to enjoy going out and be out of my area of confort, but I did it, forced myself to if I had to, got to know people and eventually got accepted into a group of individuals that are the people I hang out with, and that's the way it works: nobody fits instantly (I also think I picked them pretty well, so the flipside is, be proud of what you have for friends). I also go to the gym; sure, I rarely want to go there to tire myself out (who would), but I do it nonetheless, because I'm doing it for me; that's important, if you don't do some things for yourself who will? (they say physical exercise is also a pretty good anti-depressant and the eventual results good ego-feeders)
You guys have to do something for yourselves, the thought of ending it, if anything signals lack of self worth. So keep yourself busy, snap out of it and if there's something you want, work towards that goal or build an abstract layer over it, by abstract layer I mean, do try it, but if it fails just be happy that you tried everything you could. I do try everything I can, all the time so no regrets here; also, always look for something positive in the adverse situations you're in, and force yourself to talk about it. It doesn't matter with whom, I've confided with strangers, known people and people I barely know to this day, and it's all fine and dandy, I did it for myself, to get it out. Also avoid saying sorry, excusing yourselves and feeling like you have to; in short: avoid situations where you downplay your ego.
Anywho, and back to the original point; everyone should and probably will be missed, and if you think you won't be missed then think about it the other way: that's pretty depressing and a reason in itself not to do it. For if that's the case then the thought of going through with it is like making it so like you never existed (I don't believe that's really the case for any of you guys though), it's not something you want to do before you feel like you belong somewhere, it's like a game over sans continues for tripping over a banana that way. So get your butt out there and leave your mark in the world, people heritage lives past their lifespan for leaving a mark on other people, no one wants a tombstone saying "here lies *insert name* he had a life ahead of himself but he just couldn't take it". Backtracking on it though, I really think every single one of you guys would be missed, and don't think about it throughly just accept what I'm saying.
Also, for everyone on antidepressants, try a Psychologist instead of a Psychiatrist; medicine doesn't cure anything it just sedates you, realizing where the core problem is accepting/making peace with it though, might. There's always a starting point, from them on, the relapses can be triggered by very small things, because it's not about the small things, it's about you, no medication can solve that for real. (I realize some people lack some substances in the organism so they need medication to counter it, but you get my drift)
I'll take the time to explain, I reached 24 years of age, realized I wouldn't be young forever and how the progression from 14 to 24 had been real fast so was having a mid-20's crysis. Meanwhile I was on the third year of my course, and that felt like a tunnel that only got smaller; the professor for the main subject dropped on us a briefing for an showfloor thing done from the ground that easily could amount to work for 100 people (not even joking, the last exposition book had more than 100 people listed, not to mention some companies taking over some tasks), not just that but making everything, studying light spots/instalation, budget, floor carpet measurements and catalog parts, exposition booklets and catalogs, a website... it just didn't end.
He bared us from working in groups/divide work, so he basically let us all with one briefing, usually briefings were a multiple choice kind of thing, just to avoid everyone working on the same thing, said situation led to a really competitive and unpleasant scene where people would fight against and undermine each other, generally not sharing whatever they did despite the fact everyone was doing the same.
This exposition was about an obscure foreign designer only known here, so you google it and you only get 100x100 images of the objects he did, I had to spend 3 weeks home doing HQ scans of ancient catalogs, and then I simply gave it to others, because I'm not an egotistical dude, there would be no point in someone doing the same thing I did all over again I thought.
This, eroded my way of life, which is really liking what I do... and I didn't like that shit, it didn't even have anything to do with my degree, it stopped me from going out which is how I interact with my friends and how I meet new people (some friends told me later on they started to get really pissed at me, because you had situations like a foreign girlfriend of one of them flying over for her birthday, and me being the favorite friend of the boyfriend they had here, and I'd just skip it), and then since I was pretty pissed at the joke that briefing was I talked about it at home and my family shrugged it as "he's not a bastard, he gave you a briefing and you'll just have to do it" because they thought I wanted to give up my course, which I obviously didn't, so I felt unsupported.
(Note: we eventually found out that said professor gave us that briefing in order to get some work done for his wife's next show... for free. Hence why he hand picked the place and had us take measurements for the place; said professor also came up to some of us and asked us if we wanted to a) write his dissertation b) "help" paginate it; he was a high level parasite and he ruined some colleagues of mine who had massive breakdowns thanks to him)
In the end I even started sort of self-mutilating (nothing with razors, thankfully) which could leave me very red the following days and hence skip social life altogether (think black swan film, I guess, but in the face area). I managed to do it in the end, even whilst calling them out on what they did (I thought I didn't have the continuous evaluation process going because I skipped a lot of classes, so I did the written test, which asked us to describe the briefing, so I started saying what I thought of it and it was massive) everyone in my class though I was gonna fail for being too honest, but I had continuous evaluation after all so I actually passed before they got to read it. (and they read it)
Anywho, there you have it, three pilars (work, family, friends) going wrong; and since I had no girlfriend at the time no fourth pilar. In the end, that shit ended, and I kept doing the same thing for a while, not going out, not getting up from the bed even, I didn't like to be up so I'd wake up and stay hours with my eyes closed... for half a summer; then I realized I needed to start a normal life or get help and so I started leading a normal life. It has been a process, no shame in getting help too, I could snap out of it alone though.
I was never close to ending my life, even if I thought about it, but I can relate to the feelings.
THAT, is not the reason I'm writing this, I just did this in order for you guys to relate with me, relevant story comes now.
In my teenager years, I had a band. Me, playing bass and two other guys, two brothers (they were twins in fact) the brightest musicians I ever met, and I met a lot of them; they had the world at their feet, and for me that was just a hobby so eventually the band parted ways; but we stayed friends, for years.
Last time I saw them I was entering the dark phase I just described, and basically told me they were ok, told me stories, I felt they were happy and well, I also assumed that since I was one of their best friends (their words) if they had any problem they'd come to me.
Fast forward a little to after I finished my course and in the process of getting better, I've been thinking about dropping by for months, I get a call, and the caller says; "I just heard the twins hang themselves", I went there, crime scene with police and the like in the garage we used to play in, their mother up front, crying; I grew up with their mother, and their mother was really precious to them so I really can't understand how that happened, it's just out of character. (I'm oversimplifying things here; but I really don't want to elaborate: I'll just say this, young people feeling cornered can lead to disastrous results and I blame the society/politics/crisis and negativism being everywhere for it)
Anywho, turns out; last time I was with them they were pretending that everything was ok; but it wasn't; they were brought up by their mother and their father wouldn't pay child support, so she had to pay for their education, with the financial crisis and the cuts in scholarship she ceased to be able to do so, so she had to pull them out of the conservatory, which was their dream, pride and lifelong goal at the time. They asked her to not tell anyone they weren't there anymore, and kept telling the world they where there and enjoying it, like every lie it hurt them every time they told it so they started to retract from the world, entered into a depression and eventually decided to kill themselves.
And they did, and I only turned a blind eye for so long because I was in the gutter myself.
Do any of you guys think no one would miss you? YOU GUYS ARE WRONG, I only didn't fall into a major depression because I was coming out of one and didn't want to go there again, and I cry to this day, randomly, at times, and that's why I have to reply here; because I realize where you are and what you are capable of, I also realize it's not your fault, but you simply shouldn't do it, it's petty, wrong and cowardly, don't go about it as "I lack the courage to do so"; you lack the courage to do that to others, and that's pretty good quality if you ask me, I lack it as well, I hope everyone lacks it.
Why you ask? because ending it, or the attempt to end it is always a cry for help, the act in itself is always a measure to punish someone or point some cause-effect in your actions. The thing is you can't win, you don't come on top, nothing. You just make other people suffer and blame themselves, for all eternity (be it your intention or not). And there's better ways to leave an impact in this world. Nobody can make it alright all of a sudden, but you can make it better gradually, people also the tend to think "if I had this it would be different" or "if that didn't happen..." but it's never so, you're what you are and if you're susceptible to go down for situation A you're just as prone to... say, situation B), and you have to adapt accordingly. Nobody is happy all the time too, we have moments, for happiness for feeling fulfilled, and times for self-analysis and post mortem of situations, everyone does it, but you have to keep it from shackling you. Make plans, living is like friendship, to keep it alive you have to nurture it, make sure people stay in your life and that you stay on theirs.
Things can always get better, disfigured and disabled people can be happy just for being alive, poor starving people can be happy with way less than what we take for granted, hell, remember when you were kids and a simple chocolate could make you happy? You have to learn to enjoy the small things all over again, just so all of a sudden the things going wrong don't signalize the end of the world because hey, life is beautiful, a sunny day alone can make me happy; and be happy, hug people, tell people what they mean to you at that point in time, not necessarily romantically or anything, just the "I really do enjoy this or that about you"... and you'll get compliments back as well. Also, do something for yourselves on a regular basis, I used to force myself to go out, because I consider myself to be pretty socially awkward and antisocial (most people disagree), I'm not that good with people I don't know because I'm shy, I didn't use to enjoy going out and be out of my area of confort, but I did it, forced myself to if I had to, got to know people and eventually got accepted into a group of individuals that are the people I hang out with, and that's the way it works: nobody fits instantly (I also think I picked them pretty well, so the flipside is, be proud of what you have for friends). I also go to the gym; sure, I rarely want to go there to tire myself out (who would), but I do it nonetheless, because I'm doing it for me; that's important, if you don't do some things for yourself who will? (they say physical exercise is also a pretty good anti-depressant and the eventual results good ego-feeders)
You guys have to do something for yourselves, the thought of ending it, if anything signals lack of self worth. So keep yourself busy, snap out of it and if there's something you want, work towards that goal or build an abstract layer over it, by abstract layer I mean, do try it, but if it fails just be happy that you tried everything you could. I do try everything I can, all the time so no regrets here; also, always look for something positive in the adverse situations you're in, and force yourself to talk about it. It doesn't matter with whom, I've confided with strangers, known people and people I barely know to this day, and it's all fine and dandy, I did it for myself, to get it out. Also avoid saying sorry, excusing yourselves and feeling like you have to; in short: avoid situations where you downplay your ego.
Anywho, and back to the original point; everyone should and probably will be missed, and if you think you won't be missed then think about it the other way: that's pretty depressing and a reason in itself not to do it. For if that's the case then the thought of going through with it is like making it so like you never existed (I don't believe that's really the case for any of you guys though), it's not something you want to do before you feel like you belong somewhere, it's like a game over sans continues for tripping over a banana that way. So get your butt out there and leave your mark in the world, people heritage lives past their lifespan for leaving a mark on other people, no one wants a tombstone saying "here lies *insert name* he had a life ahead of himself but he just couldn't take it". Backtracking on it though, I really think every single one of you guys would be missed, and don't think about it throughly just accept what I'm saying.
Also, for everyone on antidepressants, try a Psychologist instead of a Psychiatrist; medicine doesn't cure anything it just sedates you, realizing where the core problem is accepting/making peace with it though, might. There's always a starting point, from them on, the relapses can be triggered by very small things, because it's not about the small things, it's about you, no medication can solve that for real. (I realize some people lack some substances in the organism so they need medication to counter it, but you get my drift)
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Yay, another post rock fan.
I do love the video for Explosions in the Sky - Be Comfortable, Creature.
lostinblue
Banned
Because if you don't try you'll alway's think "what if".
Listen, I've failed a lot, even recently and I don't regret it, I did all I can. Speaking of girls I even nuked it myself after I saw it getting too convoluted with lots of things left to be said, did it brilliantly too. Read my lips, I nuked it (FAILED) brilliantly. And this, is being positive about it.
And I don't regret it one bit, at least I didn't let it drag nor did I left things unsaid; no I say everything and it's up to her to deal with it (I actually didn't get rejected, I dropped it on her and left laughing; and laughing it out is a big way to shrug it, because said girl is 200% my type to this day, so not like I don't care).
No such thing.
Most winners you see are more like swans, they look like they're floating effortlessly, but they are flick flocking their feet underwater like they're drowning. Wining takes effort, self confidence takes self-nurture, and "winners" are often the people that concern themselves more with their image and how they come across, because those characteristics are no more than marketing.
Most people wear masks, that's just how it is, my perceived "most popular" friend is really antisocial, afraid of failing and damaged. He still comes out as a winner because he acts like he doesn't have a care in the world and avoids talking about that at all costs, but fact is he was engaged a few months back and the "love of his life" chickened out, shit happened they can't possibly be together after that but they can't keep apart kind of situation. And that's the tip of the iceberg, seeing his family is dysfunctional too; so from very early on he created this "funny guy" mask as a means to be fun, requested and not alone. but he is, it makes no difference, and change has to come from within; only difference is that this downfall of his makes him specifically out of home, spending money and getting wasted trying to forget and trying to believe he is having fun if for a wee moment. And it doesn't work.
Everyone has their ghosts, in fact, at my age I dare to say we're all damaged goods. But so what, that's life.
Happens to everyone, rather than thinking that's loser mode think about it as time you need to sort yourself out. Even non-depressed people sometimes spend days in their rooms, the real negative thing there is your downward spiral attitude towards it. You obviously have to keep yourself busy at this point, and that's where being in the room is hurting you; keep busy, get out of there; recognizing and getting away from hurtful situations is a self-defense mechanism, yours is disabled, so force it to work through brain logic, identify what you want, start by trying to get what you need.
In short: define the things you need to do/have in order to feel better with yourself, and get to it. It's not gonna be easy, no; you'll have to force yourself at first, but getting out of your confort zone can be really fun too, predicability is boring and you're struggling with it after all. So embrace it rather than letting it pull you down.
Having kids and getting married is not a goal for everybody "successful", and I doubt it is for you since it seems like something so far and far away (it does for me). I think you're feeling the pressure of social conditioning. And I say fuck that, social conditioning get's you nowhere.
Things do get better, start by being positive about it. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Age is just a number, you can't be that old and they even say 40 is the new 20's or something like that.
Decades ago people would get married really soon and at 40 they had a totally different mindset, responsibility and lifestyle than they do now, hence why there's such a big problem in looking old these days, nobody wants to act their age, nobody got enough of their youth.
But guess what, you don't need to (act your age, whatever that age is).
Regarding being overweight, start working out, it's something you do for yourself and when you start seeing results you'll feel better with yourself and your body.
As for being ugly, lot's of ugly guys get around just fine, I think you're being pressured by social conditioning again, the whole fat thing is also that, but I'm not against you changing that because it helps you build self esteem and it counts as doing something for yourself; fact is you could feel totally fine with all that.
Being short is a non-factor. A huge womanizer I know is really short, he has inferiority complex problems with girls with heels (asks them not to wear heels).
Okay, so thanks for sharing your story. I was totally with you until this last part. I think therapy is wonderful and you're right that external problems won't disappear just because you're taking a pill (why would they? They're not magical). However, your characterization of medication, and the job a psychiatrist does, is just dead wrong. It's so wrong, in fact, that it's actively harmful. First of all, a psychiatrist, as a medical doctor, will look for medical conditions, like thyroid dysfunction, which have depression as a symptom. There are in fact very serious conditions which will manifest as depression and which are completely treatable.
Second, what you have to understand is that there are three ways to look at the causes of depression - the bio-psycho-social model is the most famous example. You have your current situation - the social piece. These are things that a therapist (psychiatrist of psychologist) can help you get a handle on. Second is your own development - the psychology piece. A history of abuse or a bad family dynamic, etc can also contribute to depression. Again, therapy and counseling is key, but ti may take medication to get your sick brain into a place where you can think through these issues.
The third piece is your own neurochemistry and physiology. Therapy can help here, too, but many of us need something more. Our brains just are not working right. They've gotten wired up all wrong and it can take medication to tease apart those wires and set them to rights. For me, therapy did not help until I found a medication that worked. The medications do not sedate you as a mechanism of action - I have no clue where you're getting that from (although some can be minorly sedating, that is decidedly NOT the primary action of the drugs). They get your brain back into a place where therapy can actually do some good. You hinted at this in your post, but only after making a blanket statement that you should avoid psychiatric help.
I first realized I was depressed because everything, literally everything, in my life was going great, yet I felt so very, very bad. My initial therapy visits got me nowhere, because I had no issues I could identify to work through. I have a long family history of depression - that further points to an underlying biological problem that needs to be fixed.
There's the idea of endogenous vs exogenous depression. Endogenous depression arises entirely from bum brain chemistry. You can provoke this artificially through drugs like interferon or through tryptophan depletion. Or, a thyroid imbalance can make you depressed all on its own. Exogenous depression is depression arising from external circumstances. Most of us end up with a mixture of both. The scientific consensus is that meds + therapy has the best bet of helping you. It's irresponsible to make a blanket statement that medications just serve to sedate you. Yes, the medications will not get you out of an abusive relationship, for example - I understand your larger point there. What they do is normalize your brain so you can begin to work with the issues that are fueling the depression. And they do have a key role in preventing relapses. They help get your brain back in a state where some minor setback does not provoke a huge "it's all over!" reaction.
I welcome your contributions to the thread, but please do not make blanket statements about medications, particularly false ones. Many of us need medications to even begin to sort through our issues.
I just wanted to plug this again. Windam, Agent Cooper, and I played for a long stretch last night, voice chatting on skype the whole time. I have not laughed that hard in a LONG time! They are both absolutely hilarious (and none too shabby at PS2, either!). That was exactly what the doctor ordered.
The game is free, so you can go ahead and download it and be ready to jump in next time we play. It's a super fun game, but you can also have a good time dogpiling on me with Windam and Cooper. The teasing was merciless, but I'm frankly still laughing about it. And I've been practicing a new, manlier voice so I won't get made fun of for that in the future.
Just laughing, being goofy, and having a good time (Cooper even sings!) is far more therapeutic than many people realize.
Join us on US EAST, Waterson, NC side. I'm GAFBagels. Against my better judgment, I let someone else run our squad most of the time. Join us!
The game is free, so you can go ahead and download it and be ready to jump in next time we play. It's a super fun game, but you can also have a good time dogpiling on me with Windam and Cooper. The teasing was merciless, but I'm frankly still laughing about it. And I've been practicing a new, manlier voice so I won't get made fun of for that in the future.
Just laughing, being goofy, and having a good time (Cooper even sings!) is far more therapeutic than many people realize.
Join us on US EAST, Waterson, NC side. I'm GAFBagels. Against my better judgment, I let someone else run our squad most of the time. Join us!
Great to see you again! Depression-GAF is like the mob. You can never leave the family, even if you get better.
You can at least join us in the Praxchat!
lostinblue
Banned
I don't think you're wrong, at all. And like I said it's not a background I have so I knew I was threading flimsy waters there, it's badly worded too (very badly worded, have to agree to that; reads like "get out of them, they're only making you numb" which could be very harmful), I meant if you are on antidepressants that's fine, but try therapy as well; still the process of opening up and talking about it can happen everywhere, here on this thread too. The most important thing is addressing it and coping with it
And for why it came off like that, I have psychologist friends and female best friend that goes through bouts of depression treated by medication, hence my opinion; let me explain: for years she has gone to psychiatrists, they look at her, on the height of the depression and simply medicate her, she boasts that this one time she didn't even say anything, just sat there and he started scribbling; which is fine it's what he does and they work.
She had a bad core experience which she won't talk about because "every time she did it only made her feel worse" so she knows she's technically not depressed because "hey, the neighbours cat died" that's simply a trigger, in all reality she's just very fragile sometimes.
I won't claim it's the same for everybody, I know it totally isn't, I know brain health has a lot to do with the substances you produce or not produce and a lot of people need help on that via medication, but in her case going to the psychiatrist, and never going to a psychologist is an error, an error as if she doesn't want to get treated (because I even got her on a free psychologist consultation list). Thankfully she's coping better with it now.
And I'm sorry that I didn't explain it better.
I agree, I don't think "said person doesn't need medication, just go to a psychologist", he might need both, at least for a time; but in a lot of cases, and with antidepressants they're just holding the fort together.
If people are just getting medicine, depending on the situation they might be healing an external wound somewhat and living the internal bleeding intact. Heh, nice analogy.
Like I said, I don't think it's one thing or the other. I'm a strong believer of everything falling somewhere in the middle, both exist, both get results and they can work alongside. But people need to try both, and here they only try the psychiatrist part. Regarding the sedation part it's really the part in brackets, again I realize the wording for it was the worse possible but it's really that some people could make do without it, providing they take therapy; not all of a sudden but gradually.
As for context, I don't know how it works elsewhere, but here basically psychiatrists are funded/exist on the state health system because it's a science and psychology isn't well represented on it because it's not (a science). And since they draw the line like that so everyone has medication, nobody makes therapy.
That's acceptable of course, but you tried, that's exactly what I meant.
Yes, I accidentally forced one of those, went out for 3/4 days straight and put to practice the "if you're hangover just start drinking again" it worked, but the aftermath was that I depleted by Dopamine levels so low I woke up very very very depressed, small things were huge and I just couldn't function normally. It was horrible and a feeling of hitting the bottom like I never had experienced.
Thankfully it did got better, but I never dealt with hangover the same way, I don't know why.
I'm sorry about the way it came across, that' can't be said enough. But we're on the same page, I don't have the first person experience for most of it so I know how it comes across and that tackling it is always a tacky subject; but my point was really to motivate, never offend; never meant to simplify or ridiculize brain function side of things, because that's not even what I think about it.
Please don't focus on that wording misstep.
No worries, friend! I figured it was more of a miswording than anything, but so many people have such a resistance to even trying medication, that I have to respond when people say anything like, "don't take meds!" There's a lot of bad information out there about what the meds actually do.
And you are totally right - it reimburses better to do a long series of 15 minute drug-adjustment appointments than it does to take time to actually understand patients and combine the drugs with appropriate therapy. It's a shame really, and it encourages some docs to be lazy. But not all shrinks are like that. Mine did a wonderful job of addressing me a whole person while using his extensive knowledge of pharmacology to try to find the right combo for me. And he also looked into other disease processes that could cause a secondary depression. That's really the best that psychiatry has to offer, and it really helped me.
Thanks for having the discussion with me! I didn't mean to offend you, either. I just wanted to take the great things you said and add that medications have their place in getting better, too. I hope you'll stick around in our little community!
Houston is indeed short-tempered comparatively. I get 10 times the amount of pushback from social services in particular - probably because we're the fourth largest city in the nation and there are so many people to deal with. It's really not unusual. I've had to file complaints with Health and Human Services along with MHMRA because people just plain aren't doing their jobs. I never got the kind of insane leeway they do, so I have to bring down the axe more often with Houston-based welfare.
I've gone from being sympathetic towards people in social services to being fairly indifferent. They'll leave you at the doorstep just like all the negligent parents who produced most of their clients. You HAVE to step on toes repeatedly. When my doctor put me off for four months, which also happened to be in the middle of a medication change for me. In that time I missed one appointment by 30 minutes because oh yeah, transportation is garbage in this city and the buses took two hours just to get to the clinic. Then when I got there way ahead of time for the next appointment, she was unavailable because of "administrative reasons".
Who cares? NEVER make appointments you can't keep. She wasn't doing her job to the standard that every other little peon in the world is being held to, so axe swinging time it was. It sucks too, because she was a good doctor from what I could tell during the single time I was able to meet with her (intake).
For music it's like Fitzgerald's gets 60% of the acts in town. Or maybe they have the most advertising, but damn. I could strip-mine that place for clientele.
Food is incredible here and blows Austin out of the water. On that note - so do housing prices by quite a margin. Austin is getting really expensive.
Local paper's about as good.
Events suck. There's more happening in the smattering of small cities dotting Houston than there is in town. But - it has way more small cities nearby than Austin by a large margin. What's there near Austin? Pflugerville? Georgetown? Round Rock? Meh. And screw it, if you want to drive to Austin for a weekend it's not very far out of the way (2 hours). My roommate was out of town like 3/4 of weekends, my sister and her husband are out of town about the same nowadays.
Hoo boy the job market is better, but that's only saying so much in this appalling economic climate. My roommate found a 60k/yr engineering job 5 months off of graduating with a bachelor's, so if you're in the right field then you're hired.
Thank you. This is what I mean by being "half a person" - a lot of us here probably haven't formed as fully as we should have. Working a better job doesn't always up and fix you. It's necessary for long term happiness I think, but at worst it can shine a bunch of lights on your problems and become very destructive. Wanting money and sustainability does not fix mental problems, because the actual want isn't real. It's just shit you have to do to not be on the street. Or to satisfy someone else. Or [insert problem here].
The desire comes from within. If people tell me to get a job - I don't end up getting it. If people tell me to socialize - I don't end up doing it. We can't do it for others.
EDIT: By the way, I've been on the street. It's not the death we think it is whatsoever.
Depression-GAF all-star contact list - hit us up if you need to talk
This may not be totally updated. As always, let me know if you'd like to be added
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [steamrKatz][Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
cam [skype: nithidia] [steam: nithidia]
Planetside 2 Outfit "ProzacWarriors": Bagels, Windam, Smiley90, Agent Cooper
Join up!
(Want another game group/general group listed?)
This may not be totally updated. As always, let me know if you'd like to be added
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [steam
rKatz][Chat]Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Smiley90 [Chat]
nimbus
cam [skype: nithidia] [steam: nithidia]
Planetside 2 Outfit "ProzacWarriors": Bagels, Windam, Smiley90, Agent Cooper
Join up!
(Want another game group/general group listed?)
Yeah, that is a great video. EITS is one of my favorite bands. I actually discovered EITS and Yndi Halda because of GAF. Thanks GAF!
I wish I could see things that way but the past is a good indicator of the future. The last 9 years were bad the next 9 will be too. Wish I take heart what everyone says here but I still sit here alone feeling like an old loser. I don't see any potential on living this life for another 9 years.
I think I'm tired of everything tired of hoping. I want to sleep and never wake up.
Prax is in chat for a limited time only! Join us!
(Planetside 2 tomorrow night!)
For future reference:
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1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit
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If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )
3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
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(Planetside 2 tomorrow night!)
For future reference:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com
1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit
2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )
3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)
4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in)
MisterLuffy
Member
Me and my groups we're doing a difficult energy problem in our lab. And I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't do anything to help because I was brain dead. I didn't even try since I didn't know where to begin. I'm so useless and dumb, idk why I'm still learning Physics if I can't grasp my instructor's teachings. Even though my group members told me that they felt the same way, they really understand the concept. I'm such burden and I bring them down a lot because of my stupidity. Where do I see myself in 5 years? No where because I can't learn for s***.
lostinblue
Banned
No problem, thanks for the correction as well.
I'll stick around, for sure. I navigate the forum through subscribed threads anyway so I'm always bound to return here and see how you guys are doing.
Regarding work, it's important and it makes you whole with society (just like school before it, really) it makes it so that you have to get along with people you wouldn't and in some cases get close to them (or not and in that case, since they're weird you'll memorize it and recollect it, never useless), it's a good earth ground connection and it does keeps you busy.
I'm effectively going mad from all of a sudden not having classmates or co-workers, I mean you get to friday and not much happened; but because of that I tend to have an agenda of things to do. This year my resolutions were down to seeing mainstream movies I missed along the years (I never go to the cinema, baring super hero popcorn movies aside), getting to know french cinema/famous french movies and retro hollywood (gotta see Casablanca!), I also plan on reading the Hobbit, Nietzsche, Salinger and Hemingway, oh, and read Great Expectations (Charles Dickens) for sure. I haven't got to do most of it but I'm progressing through it, having that lined out though makes it so that if I'm having a conversation I can say that... that I'm trying to get to those, or that I've seen one of those recently. Having objectives and goals make a human being shine through, being passionate, opinative and/or knowledgeable too, that's what makes us interesting, we're cultural beings after all.
And deep down everyone feels hollow (that's why everyone looks for "other halfs") but we specifically look for people that lead not follow, nobody wants a girl that wants a guy "just so her life is not so boring" (that assumption alone puts you in a position where you have to try quite hard most of the time, instead of being in a position of confort/be yourself). In the end, the truth of the universe is nobody really thinks he's really interesting (unless you're Charly Sheen and you're biwinning), girls certainly don't, but you can make it so you are more satisfied with what you achieved lately, look up for what you still have to do and just generally come across as interesting; anyway, and this is important: nobody is interesting without trying, so you can't stay still... nobody can, but if you're passionate about the things you believe in you can talk about enemas and get attention (that's what nurses do, they talk about poo too, and having to wash morbidly obese people) and it still totally counts (in fact they have quite a legion of fans). Getting there, is a process of work, polish and shining through, but everyone can do it.
Living for work, is useless, the whole point of going there is saving up for other things, making plans to spend that on weekends or vacations, that sort of thing; so one ought to look for the job that feels most fulfilling (or adequate for the goal), but even then, somedays or some tasks will still be a chore, just more doable, but regardless of the pay there are a few things one should never get down to, which is being and feeling abused all the time, not on a corporative way but by your superiors and say nothing back in return (no job is worth being dragged about and used as a scapegoat), and I believe everyone needs to stand up against that, talk it out, fight for respect instead of showing those psychopaths your back.
Also doing work that has no ending in sight can be disastrous for morale and happiness, one thing is something that starts here, ends there; completely different thing is 6 months from now you're still doing the very same thing, like a robot sorting things; and it just get's worse if there's big responsibility involved when you fail, because the more repetitive stuff is, the most prone to uncheckered mistakes it is.
I rather be paid less and had some quality of life; that includes having some time for myself, than having a high paying job that is eating me up inside.
Yes, you can't do it for others, but then again we do everything for ourselves, even the act of crying, most often we're not crying for others, we're crying for what it means to us, it's really human to do so, we're egoistical, and we might as well embrace it. Even when we're doing nothing, we're doing it for ourselves (fear of being hurt, not being accepted, coming across strange, being out of the area of confort), we're just not channeling it properly.
I've never been on the street, but I trust it's an experience like any other. I mean a friend of mine was telling us some other day that he got mugged a few years back and he pissed his pants. He's the popular type and he's coming out with that like he doesn't care. It's all about how you tell it/go about it, if he was ashamed of it he'd never tell, and if someone did know about that word would get about and he'd be hurt. It's all about channeling.
Everything that isn't necessarily good can probably make up a good story, it's experience nonetheless, you just need to use it wether it is to relate with someone later on, to crack some jokes or throw it's weight around. Just try to be positive about it.
I almost lost my driver's licence a few months back, I was pretty shaken up at first... couldn't sleep, had a very accelerated heart rate, stressed out in a major way (being able to drive around is my independence after all; without it I'll refrain to the essential things since public transportation takes so long to get from A to B), towards the end of that vendetta I was already trying to channel it to "well, since I'm going back to learning the whole thing again I have some doubts regarding this and that". The process of going through it again would be nightmare, but one has to look at the brightside; I've decided I never want to go to the gutter again, so being really positive has helped; that's a personality trait though, I try to stray from negative people on my day life, you know the kind that answers the "how you going" into the "the end is nigh, it's all coming down, the government! no jobs, crysis, etc". Lately I don't even enjoy seeing the news if all they're gonna do is be negative.
I can relate to that.
I was never in such a deep state, but I remember people trying to confort me and making me snap out of me and me thinking that they simply didn't know what I was going through, they were kinda right, in the sense of "look, at least you have this and that" and trying to channel me up right, but they were going about it the wrong way, which was trying to make me see I didn't have a reason to be like that; having or not is inconsequent, fact is you are going through that, and are going through that alone, because depression is about that. Like every human being you have convictions, the weight of build up too, and we follow them both like a straight line unless we disrupt it; we have to disrupt it sometimes though, because everyone finds some dead ends, or some places to be that are really damaging; so of course nobody can sort you out via a conversation and this whole it gets better might be hard to believe, but you have to change it yourself and I know you can do it.
You are asking yourself why are you alive if nothing fulfills you right now, so think about what you need to snap out of it and keep busy, work on getting better, go out, be nice to strangers (when people look or stare at you try to smile back, people smiling back at you really helps), watch something you've seen years ago that signals some happy memory (I rewatch Disney movies, heh), put on some loud music you like and sing to it out loud, catch some sun on the local park while feeding some pidgeons, it's a process, granted, but even going out at night for a walk and crying in the rain can help (been there, done that, felt stupidly good for some odd reason).
Just make it so that your end goal is feeling better, not going deeper; the road has ups and downs, but a slope is totally worth it if you manage to get out of it; this is like saying there's two ways to go about a scar, "damnit, it's gonna scar" or "hell yeah, scars!", it's a scar, it's never going to go away completely because now you know yourself better and will never forget how it is to despair, but you can conquer it and live to wear it proudly, this is war.
What attracted you to physics?
A friend of mine chose a course like that (by like that, I mean that feeling of it being too much to tackle), and it nearly killed him. He tried too hard to keep up, ended up with irritated colon syndrome and a dislocated retina (one condition shielded the other, so where unchecked for quite a while his eyesight was in danger). Sadly irritated colon is for life and has a pretty real impact on your quality of life.
I don't know, but ever since that I look at situations like that as not being worth it, if you feel like you're at disadvantage there can't you try and change courses?
I realize I've been lucky in my life, but I first went to sciences (I was really good at biology) learned I hate how theoric and useless physics and chemistry felt (I enjoy the theorectical part, I can read books about that shit; memorizing formulas not so much)... and so, not being able to go around them I changed to arts.
Consider a career change if you can afford it, you'll lose a year, but you'll never look back.
Also, take pride on that, we're all nothing but a pulp while being brought up, I'm sure you can do other things just fine, just keep looking.
I'll leave this here, because the whole "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" reminds me of this:
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI
And that song is very, very good anti-depressant; it's positive and a complete run-through of your possibilities and how the world works/which road blocks you'll find along the way, it's happy though, doesn't judge, gives you the pat in the back to go on, be yourself, make decisions, priorize yourself. Very feel good in a being reborn from the ashes like phoenix kind of way; we're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars! Do dare to look up.
(I gotta tone down the one liners, but I'm trying to make it tongue in cheek here, like a running gag, bear with me)
What happened, can you elaborate?
DryvBy
Member
Does anyone else get extremely school depressed? Started college in at 24. I'm running up on 30 and my energy for school is about done. I can barely focus on any classes. This semester was the worst. I had to drop 2 classes and the one class I'm in just feels like I need to start over. I've been in school, part time, for a while, off and on. It just feels like I'm never going to finish and I think it just depresses me so much where I want to give up.
My job drains about every bit of energy from me (customer service, he-yuck). Looking for another job I don't even think is an option. Customer service works sucks and that's my current workforce skills. Crazy how I went from being a highly-motivated worker (was an assistant engineer at age 17) to where I am now.
But anyway, with school, does anyone have any suggestions/pointers maybe to help motivate someone that's feels horribly saddened by school?
My job drains about every bit of energy from me (customer service, he-yuck). Looking for another job I don't even think is an option. Customer service works sucks and that's my current workforce skills. Crazy how I went from being a highly-motivated worker (was an assistant engineer at age 17) to where I am now.
But anyway, with school, does anyone have any suggestions/pointers maybe to help motivate someone that's feels horribly saddened by school?
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I'm not arguing against work for being work. That's what everyone around me thinks I'm doing.
I always get criticized by people who have worked far fewer jobs than me and have a much lower degree of experience looking for them. Sometimes it really is that simple. Do I tell them to go look for a job? No. But I don't get that respect in return because I'm not working 80 hours a week like they want me to. Tough shit, I say.
I hate to pull the experts only card, but it gets laid down when people blast me with unwarranted, useless, shitty criticism. They can get a fucking life - hopefully one that's theirs.
I haven't talked to anyone about the time I was out on the street. I wasn't afraid, just unbelievably disappointed that everyone around me could fail me so bad when I hadn't done anything to deserve such. I've never been betrayed so deeply in my life.
It's gone on the list of issues I hope to get around to with my therapist. There's just no way I can reimagine that kind of hurt at this point in time. The rest of it is pure wrath.
You losing your license is significant, but that really has no effect on me. I've relied on public transportation my entire life and it sucks for the most part in Houston and Austin. Maybe you do need to be without your license for a bit just to learn what it's like. It'll remove a lot of the suckage of having to use the bus because that then becomes the norm... Much like living on the street has become for too many people. Suffering is hell but it can come full circle.
lostinblue
Banned
You're reaching the end of something, school piles up, you leave the subjects you don't like behind, and it's a mud race, the closer to the end the worse the road often is, assignments are harder, they're putting standards higher or just making it a situation of make or break, nobody is really motivated towards the end, really, if anything because it's never fun anymore, if it ever was.
It's also like when you're getting home, you put your key in the door and all of a sudden you're like "OMG I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE; I'LL PISS MY PANTS" and run to the bathroom but 3 minutes ago while walking up to there you weren't anywhere close to such a thing, you could go for an extra hour. You could go for an extra year or two, even if you're tired, but the fact is that you want to be done with it, so it's a psychological trigger, seeing the goal builds stress and creates anxiety, nothing abnormal.
You really can't lose sight of yourself though, the times where you feel the most pressure, and feel like you're not living (no time for "living" just work right and forth) are the most prone to losing it.
About school, I don't know, try to have more fun out there, with teachers and other students. My last year I actually got drunk in campus quite a bit after deliveries, me and everyone else. At that point we were tired, on red bull and hadn't slept for 3 days, but we felt like it. It was the best thing happening to me in that time, hen I lived for that briefing who sucked major balls.
Red Bull also helped me through it, but I'm not so sure on recommending it.
It's also like when you're getting home, you put your key in the door and all of a sudden you're like "OMG I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE; I'LL PISS MY PANTS" and run to the bathroom but 3 minutes ago while walking up to there you weren't anywhere close to such a thing, you could go for an extra hour. You could go for an extra year or two, even if you're tired, but the fact is that you want to be done with it, so it's a psychological trigger, seeing the goal builds stress and creates anxiety, nothing abnormal.
You really can't lose sight of yourself though, the times where you feel the most pressure, and feel like you're not living (no time for "living" just work right and forth) are the most prone to losing it.
About school, I don't know, try to have more fun out there, with teachers and other students. My last year I actually got drunk in campus quite a bit after deliveries, me and everyone else. At that point we were tired, on red bull and hadn't slept for 3 days, but we felt like it. It was the best thing happening to me in that time, hen I lived for that briefing who sucked major balls.
Red Bull also helped me through it, but I'm not so sure on recommending it.
lostinblue
Banned
Oh, I didn't think you were. I just talk a lot, sorry. I didn't even stay on topic there for long. ^^'
People judge too much.
You have my respect, and sure as hell I don't want to work 16 hours per day (that's 80 hours per 5 week days), would only do it if I had to get money in a very short amount of time, got something to gain from it (like experience to apply to something else) and be done after it; or for some attainable goal nonetheless. Otherwise I prefer minimum wage or part time (half minimum wage) to make ends meet/get some pocket money. I know it's not much of a plan, but working myself to death and feel horrible and explored for it is no plan either.
Nothing pays for humiliation and feeling exploited. With that said I'm not against doing jobs regarded as crappy, hell I could work on construction, I'm not stingy.
Understandable, you need time, and I can't imagine how the betrayal you describe felt. I sure as hell can't imagine letting any of my friends going through it without reaching for help, but I'm really glad you managed to get past it and are doing better now.
Some people suck, the bright side of it happening is that bad friendships and people like that are time bombs, you'd always need them at some point and they wouldn't be there for you; so perhaps coming to grips with was the best thing to happen in the middle of the bad things going down. I mean you can only look forward past that, I just hope it doesn't erode your capability to trust other people significantly. (It's okay to be careful though)
Oh, I only faced that risk because my licence is less than 3 years old. Before that I had to rely on transportation.
I hated it though, because they are always on strike and have no respect for their clients. It's not reliable at all and they can be rude.
The subway lacks subway stations so the whole system is convoluted, to get around you need to walk a lot (and this is not plain terrain, the city is built on hills), catch buses, electric carts, train and subway, most of them being explored by different companies (for that reason transportation passes can be expensive, way more expensive than the gas I spend per month). The strikes are really bad too, they don't even comply to the minimum services, and go for as long as a week at times. Even when they work fine their schedule closes really early so you can't go out at night and return in a timely manner, you either get home really soon, or real early in the following morning, which sucks for the people that like something in between, like me.
This is a very latin country, basically. In some other capitals, like London me having a car would be nuts, too expensive to maintain, public transportation works, service is good, there's always a subway station closeby and it's faster than using a car. Here it means I can't simply go out for a coffee after dinner, or anywhere really... unless I get a ride. The lifestyle is a byproduct of where I live, although I really can't complain, I'm surely lucky to have a car.
It sucks, but I can live through it sure. The worser part would be the time needed to go to the classes again and the money I'd have to fork out; with the way this works here drivers licence is also a very sought for requirement when applying for jobs (means you can get there regardless whose transportation company is doing strikes next week).
I'm hoping that whole ticket situation is in the past though, it should be.
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