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Flat-Earthers Have a Wild New Theory About Forests (The Atlantic)

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C

CopperPuppy

Member
After watching this video, you will reverse your concept of forests by 360 degrees.
Click to expand...

3204840swsw.gif
 
T

TheSpoiler

Member
I said a thing about flat earth theories being bullshit and came back home to like seven tweets from different people trying to correct me with some smary bullshit.

Two dudes responded to themselves when I didn't say anything.

Like, they were just sitting there waiting for someone to talk shit about their dumb theories.
 
R

RM8

Member
Oh my god, there are flat earthers on GAF. So scientology remains the only thing that doesn't have a defence force on GAF.
 
M

Man Called Aerodynamics

Member
So... It's not really "denying" anything as much as just changing what the word "forest" means.

Hey there's no dogs on earth. Because the word "dog" now means a dog that's at least 10 stories tall.
 
E

ElFly

Member
I assume there are people going for the most ridiculous theory trying to sell books or something, and needing to up the crazy with every release
 
C

ColdLasagna

Member
Years ago I had serious fun trolling those flat earth forums.


I wonder if Earth is sitting on the back of a turtle? I would get a thousand replies to that dumb ass question.
 
M

Mael

Member
I must be stark raving mad to even entertain watching this vid.
6mins in it a gish gallop of nonsense.
you could make 5h of vids to explain everything that's wrong based on the 6mins I've seen so far.
Like the Sequoia bit?
they're still a place called Sequoia forest with hugeass trees like you can see in the picture he shows.
I know I have similar pictures and I went there so to begin with it's not human interaction that destroyed them 1 or 2 centuries ago.
My BS-o-meter is already at its 6th battery replacement.
I'm going to bill the batteries to the idiot making this vid.
 
T

TheSpoiler

Member
Mael said:
I must be stark raving mad to even entertain watching this vid.
6mins in it a gish gallop of nonsense.
you could make 5h of vids to explain everything that's wrong based on the 6mins I've seen so far.
Like the Sequoia bit?
they're still a place called Sequoia forest with hugeass trees like you can see in the picture he shows.
I know I have similar pictures and I went there so to begin with it's not human interaction that destroyed them 1 or 2 centuries ago.
My BS-o-meter is already at its 6th battery replacement.
I'm going to bill the batteries to the idiot making this vid.
Click to expand...

Go say the words "flat earth" on twitter. They will find you, and smugly engage in a futile conversation.
 
A

amar212

Member
First, this guy is SO FAKING the pseudo-russian accent it is painful even to listen. It is absolute trolling even in the basic level of speech. No Russian (pun intented) or other eastern europan speaks English like that. It is 100% acting.

From that point on, this is absolute deliberate trolling and somewhere at this moment there is some guys smoking their weed and laughing their ass off with the coverage they are getting.
 
S

Skab

Member
People that believe this sort of stuff truly baffle me.

Sure, just ignore all the explanations and proofs science has for you because you don't understand it. Don't actually seek to learn and understand it either, just make up a bunch of bullshit, believe in that instead, and then tell everyone else they're the idiots.
 
Fbh

Fbh

Member
Mechanized said:
How can someone be a flat earther? If a plane flies in a straight line, non-stop, it will arrive at its departure location. That is absolute, irrefutable proof the world is round.
Click to expand...

Have you actually done it though? Because unless you have personally flown a plane around the earth all you are doing is quoting the lies NASA wants us to believe.

It's the same with Satellite pictures. They could show you a picture of a potato and claim that it's the earth and you would probably believe it. Unless you have actually flown into space and taken a picture yourself you can't know if what NASA is showing is true.

If I tell you I can lift a car with just one hand you would probably want to see me actually doing it before you believe me right?
But when it comes to NASA we just believe everything they say


just to be clear..... /S
 
E

E-flux

Member
Mechanized said:
How can someone be a flat earther? If a plane flies in a straight line, non-stop, it will arrive at its departure location. That is absolute, irrefutable proof the world is round.
Click to expand...

They believe that you aren't moving in a straight line, rather in a circle. That's how they explain it, how idea how their "math" works out but that's their reasoning, you move in circles not in straight lines.
 
C

cyress8

Banned
Huh? We have pictures of the earth/many other planets being round, yet people think it is still flat?

Guys, now I need to find a group of people that think shit don't stink and the sky is not blue.
I need even more stupidity in my life.
 
Rest

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
People that say this stuff don't even try to make sense. "Here's [random nonsensical shit,] it doesn't need logic or reason because I thought it up and it's right because I say so!"

Well, okay man. I'll just be over here in reality, making observations and taking measurements, and coming to conclusions that actually mean something.
 
P

Piecake

Member
Rest said:
People that say this stuff don't even try to make sense. "Here's [random nonsensical shit,] it doesn't need logic or reason because I thought it up and it's right because I say so!"

Well, okay man. I'll just be over here in reality, making observations and taking measurements, and coming to conclusions that actually mean something.
Click to expand...

But what if our flat earth and bushes was being held up by the almighty power of Krillin and the end of days will come when he finally flings it at Nappa, but fails miserably?
 
Arkos

Arkos

Nose how to spell and rede to
RM8 said:
Oh my god, there are flat earthers on GAF. So scientology remains the only thing that doesn't have a defence force on GAF.
Click to expand...

I would bet everything I own that there is. It's like a mathematic inevitability. If it exists, there is a GAF defense force of it.
 
G

Glin

Member
i hope the dolphins never understand our communication of language. We would be a laughing stock by then with these crazy theories.
 
E

echoshifting

Banned
Fbh said:
Have you actually done it though? Because unless you have personally flown a plane around the earth all you are doing is quoting the lies NASA wants us to believe.

It's the same with Satellite pictures. They could show you a picture of a potato and claim that it's the earth and you would probably believe it. Unless you have actually flown into space and taken a picture yourself you can't know if what NASA is showing is true.

If I tell you I can lift a car with just one hand you would probably want to see me actually doing it before you believe me right?
But when it comes to NASA we just believe everything they say


just to be clear..... /S
Click to expand...

You had me going for a minute
 
M

Makonero

Member
But lately, there's been a change; something new and furious is growing in the community. ‘No Forests on Flat Earth' is an incredible new theory, proposed only last month. Its claim is grand, counterintuitive, and beautiful: we were lied to; our flat earth has no forests. Thousands of people are ready to believe it. This might prove to be important; you can't understand our reality without understanding those dark and secret places where it's denied. New discoveries in mainstream science just tell us about the physical universe; earth-shattering developments in the conspiracy-theory fringe tell us what's happening to ourselves. ‘No Forests on Flat Earth' might be the future of weirdness, and it's utterly magnificent.

The response to the video has been huge—since it was first posted by a Crimean man calling himself Людин Рɣси, ‘There are no forests on Flat Earth Wake Up' has been viewed hundreds of thousands of times, spawned hundreds of blog posts in the broader flat-earth-o-sphere and, at the time of writing, has gathered over ten thousand response videos. There's been an ‘explainer,' a ‘decoding,' a biblical exegesis, a roundtable discussion (in fact, many, many roundtable discussions), and, inevitably, accusations that the precipitous popularity of the video is proof that it's all a plot by the ‘control grid' to distract from the real truth. Unfortunately, the ‘No Forests on Flat Earth' video is also nearly an hour-and-a-half long. You should absolutely watch the whole thing—but if you're not the kind of dedicated weirdo who wants to waste a decent chunk of their day watching ludic conspiracy-theory pseudogeology, I'm willing to give you a summary.

We start with a montage of forests, peaceful scenes studded with sunlight, the kind of pictures just waiting for some inspirational quote to be plastered on top of them. We've all seen forests, we all know what they are; how could anyone claim that they don't exist? But our narrator knows better. ”They make us think that this is a forest," he tells us, ”when you are actually looking at thirty-meter bushes. After watching this video, you will reverse your concept of forests by 360 degrees." This isn't a forest at all: only a diminished imitation. Thousands of years ago, a cataclysmic event destroyed 99% of the Earth's biosphere, and when it happened, it took away the real forests. Real trees are nothing like their stunted cousins, the miserable perishing scraps of wood that we see today; they were truly vast, hundreds of kilometers tall, magical organisms that sustained a total living ecology of the flat earth. These things were the anchor of a beautiful world that has now vanished forever. And how does he know? Because everywhere around us, we can see their stumps.
Click to expand...

At this point the video starts to lose focus. The narrator alleges that a nuclear war took place in the 19th century, that large bathtubs are proof of the technological complexities of previous ages, that volcanoes are massive slag piles boiling with reactive chemical waste. All this is obvious nonsense, but it's worth thinking about why it's had the impact it has.

In the roundtable discussion, various theorists rhapsodize about how deeply the video ‘resonated' with them, they laugh that mainstream geology might just buckle under the weight of this incredible new research. And there is something that resonates. Against both the panpsychicism of hippie ecology, the bleary-eyed invocations of some dismally all-encompassing Mother Earth, and the pedantic materialism of most sciences as they're actually practiced, ‘No Forests on Flat Earth' proposes a kind of hylothanatism, a pessimism for our own weary age: this world was once alive, everything was once beautifully connected, but not any more. This earth has been dead for millennia; what we think of as progress is just the rot spreading through the cadaver of the world.

There are mythic assonances here—beyond the familiar world-trees of Norse cosmogony, the notion of a world built on a corpse has always fascinated people; Babylonian mythology, for instance, has the entire universe butchered out of the body of Tiamat, the primordial mother. Its mode of argument—‘this thing looks like this other thing, therefore they're the same thing'—is also familiar. In The Order of Things, Foucault describes the medieval episteme: ”It was resemblance that organized the play of symbols, made possible knowledge of things visible and invisible, and controlled the art of representing them." The world was configured as one single text, a great chain of being explicable to those who knew how to read the signs. Bestiaries would record not just the physical characteristics of various animals, but their symbolic attributes. If a plant resembled a part of the human body, it could be used to treat its diseases; the map of the cosmos is also a map of the human body, and the pattern of the stars is also a horticultural manual. Foucault quotes Crollius: ”Just as each herb or plant is a terrestrial star looking up at the sky, so also each star is a celestial plant in spiritual form, which differs from the terrestrial plants in matter alone."
Click to expand...

Read the rest (or watch the insane video) here
 
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