i would prefer not to date a dude
Then date trans women, not trans men.
i would prefer not to date a dude
Not sure about the spanish, but a similar problem happened on this in the UK with a program called There is Something About Miriam
The network received legal action from the people to stop the show from even airing ... and there was NO SEX involved.
If you are curious :
It is ok ...how about "non-measles" person ? A "people who never broken their arm" person ?
Serious Question: I had relations with a man who considered himself trans, but he had a normal male body and was not going to ever get reassignment surgery. Also he preferred to consider himself genderless and to be called with neutral gender pronouns like ze, they, them, etc.
Is this a transgendered/transsexual person in anyway? Or just a confused person?
I've seen porn with a post-OP transgender woman and the vagina thing looked horrible. I still get nightmares about it, it was my Vietnam.
Bringing up subjects like what defines a gender, differences between sex and gender, appearance altering surgery or hormone therapy, desire for children, etc. Then just asking indirect questions about their opinions. That kind of prodding isn't unheard of for a first date.I'm REALLY curious to what would be a strong hint.
"Hey .. lets talk about football!!" ? hehe xD
Dating shouldn't have victims. But sometimes people have incompatible views that preclude them from seeing each other. It's typically better for them to go their separate ways than try to change each other. It wouldn't be fair to either person in the relationship to treat being transgendered as if it was a shameful secret.That is victim blaming.
If a men don't see transgender women as woman, the problem is THEIRS for going against every antropologic, psyquiatric, neurological and scientific reason to believe otherwise
Serious Question: I had relations with a man who considered himself trans, but he had a normal male body and was not going to ever get reassignment surgery. Also he preferred to consider himself genderless and to be called with neutral gender pronouns like ze, they, them, etc.
Is this a transgendered/transsexual person in anyway? Or just a confused person?
Go to the right person, and you'll end up with something that even some doctors wouldn't know you weren't born with. This is kind of a big misconception out therethat anybody who gets a custom-built vagina ends up with some freakish-looking thingbut the truth is (a) it's all about shopping around, and (b) technology has advanced past what people still believe it is.
As to the question, this is a hugely difficult thingand one where I think, no matter which side you fall on, it's still important to consider both sides.
So, taking the example of a transgirl (male->female) and her potential male suitor.
For him
It isn't fair to him not to know the situation if sex or heavy physical contact is going to be involved. The reality of the difference between male and female bodies is that there's less difference than we believe there is in our heads, but that doesn't put aside the fact that people have preferences that should be respected.
Even if you're the hottest transgirl ever to exist, your body was still at one point male, and that could be a huge deal to the man that you're with. Hopefully he would be able to separate what you were with what you are now, and not let that past cloud his opinions of or attraction to you. Still, if things are going to be serious, he should know.
For her
At some point, having to drudge up your past yet again and go into the whole story of who you were is something you just want to get pastand you can't blame somebody who is trans for that. It's life if your entire life you had to tell everybody about some stupid mistake you made in your past, and you were never allowed to live that down. The entire reason somebody who is transgender goes through the process of transitioning isn't so that they can become "trans"it's so that they can become "male" or "female".
For our example transgirl, at first she's forced to identify as trans because that's the best way to explain her situation. Years later, when her body matched how she feels inside, all she wants is to be seen as normalas much as that's possible. Having to tell every potential date that you'll be with about your past is forcing yourself to go back to who you were, not concentrate on who you are now, like a constant reminder that you're in some club that you don't really belong in.
So, like I said, no matter which side you're oneven if you're on the "of god-damn course!" or "never, ever tell" sidesit's only fair to take both people's feelings into consideration. It's obviously important to be fair to the man and his feelings, but that can't come at the total expense of her feelings in the process. On a date, meting for the first time, casual encounters, etc., I don't think somebody who is trans has any obligation to discuss the topic.
As Charron (I think it was) said, if you aren't getting in my pants, you don't need to know what's in them. Other people aren't required to give out highly personal details "just because", so people who are trans shouldn't be expected to either. At the same time, if things are going to progress to anything seriouseven if it's just relationship-wise, and not directly sexthen while it sucks to have to dredge up old wounds, I think it's only fair, not only for the man's sake, but also for the sake of the person who is trans.
Fantastic and wonderful post.Go to the right person, and you'll end up with something that even some doctors wouldn't know you weren't born with. This is kind of a big misconception out therethat anybody who gets a custom-built vagina ends up with some freakish-looking thingbut the truth is (a) it's all about shopping around, and (b) technology has advanced past what people still believe it is.
As to the question, this is a hugely difficult thingand one where I think, no matter which side you fall on, it's still important to consider both sides.
So, taking the example of a transgirl (male->female) and her potential male suitor.
For him
It isn't fair to him not to know the situation if sex or heavy physical contact is going to be involved. The reality of the difference between male and female bodies is that there's less difference than we believe there is in our heads, but that doesn't put aside the fact that people have preferences that should be respected.
Even if you're the hottest transgirl ever to exist, your body was still at one point male, and that could be a huge deal to the man that you're with. Hopefully he would be able to separate what you were with what you are now, and not let that past cloud his opinions of or attraction to you. Still, if things are going to be serious, he should know.
For her
At some point, having to drudge up your past yet again and go into the whole story of who you were is something you just want to get pastand you can't blame somebody who is trans for that. It's life if your entire life you had to tell everybody about some stupid mistake you made in your past, and you were never allowed to live that down. The entire reason somebody who is transgender goes through the process of transitioning isn't so that they can become "trans"it's so that they can become "male" or "female".
For our example transgirl, at first she's forced to identify as trans because that's the best way to explain her situation. Years later, when her body matched how she feels inside, all she wants is to be seen as normalas much as that's possible. Having to tell every potential date that you'll be with about your past is forcing yourself to go back to who you were, not concentrate on who you are now, like a constant reminder that you're in some club that you don't really belong in.
So, like I said, no matter which side you're oneven if you're on the "of god-damn course!" or "never, ever tell" sidesit's only fair to take both people's feelings into consideration. It's obviously important to be fair to the man and his feelings, but that can't come at the total expense of her feelings in the process. On a date, meting for the first time, casual encounters, etc., I don't think somebody who is trans has any obligation to discuss the topic.
As Charron (I think it was) said, if you aren't getting in my pants, you don't need to know what's in them. Other people aren't required to give out highly personal details "just because", so people who are trans shouldn't be expected to either. At the same time, if things are going to progress to anything seriouseven if it's just relationship-wise, and not directly sexthen while it sucks to have to dredge up old wounds, I think it's only fair, not only for the man's sake, but also for the sake of the person who is trans.
Transgendered is sort of an umbrella term for any kind of non-normal gender identity, so this person would fall under that category, but not the transsexual category, which describes people who identify as the gender opposite of their birth sex. This person sounds like an androgyne, but, honestly, all the terms can get pretty confusing.
On a date, meting for the first time, casual encounters, etc., I don't think somebody who is trans has any obligation to discuss the topic.
stuff
If you're just friends, or whatever, it's you business. But if it's a dating situation, it needs to come up. You're messing with someone else's feelings in order to protect your own, that's not exactly cool.
Yes you can.
Extreme example ... but imagine if this thread was about internet dating :
"But then we can't really blame a non-black person if they would prefer to know. Everyone has a preference."
For consideration: sex and gender are not the same thing.
It's not "messing with someone's feelings to protect your own". That's an incredibly selfish way of looking at it.
A trans person has gone through years of theory (and perhaps surgery) so they can finally have a body that they are comfortable with. Do you think they enjoy having to bring up the fact that they were born in a body they were uncomfortable with?
They should definitely tell if the relationship is serious, but it's not something to be taken lightly.
It's not extreme at all....I don't know where you're from but everyone has a preference and having a preference doesn't mean someone is "against" something for others if that's their preference. It also doesn't mean they're against whatever they don't have a preference for. It's ok for something to be "not my kinda thing". That's just life....
My best friend is White. He said it plainly: "Nah, man...I'm not into Black girls." It's never been an issue. He's still my best friend and I love him dearly. I'm not up in arms that he's not attracted to the sistas, lol...more for me! But seriously...my other good friend I've known since elementary school is only into Black women. He's not into other ethnicities I have another friend that is gay. Am I suppose to be offended she's not into guys? LMAO. My boss is only into Korean woman. The simple fact is people have a personal preference they are ALLOWED to have. If that's ok for you why can't it be for others? I honestly don't understand.
People in life have different pursuits of happiness. You should realize this. I don't believe I'm saying anything too controversial or out of bounds. That doesn't make me some hateful bigot no more than my friends are for their personal preferences.
because it goes down to basicaly "what is diferent on a trans girl from a cis girl?""non-measles" person ? A "people who never broken their arm" person ?
It seems we can barely get boob-jobs or lip injections right, they end up looking like crap more often than not to me; very inconsistent.
If we can barely get those right, I can't even begin to imagine sexual reassignment surgery; I'm sure my worries won't apply centuries from now.
I personally would love a surprise.
Transgirls can have full sexual pleasure from their new lady parts, and can have full-body orgasms just like your average girl can. Meanwhile, the man could encounter a vagina that looks, feels, and gets wet just like your average, run of the mill vajayjay.
You'd also be impressed with how other parts of the body can turn out as well. I have one friend who ended up with ridiculously mesmerizing C-cups from nothing but hormones.
Not that I have direct experienceeither owning one or utilizing one (I know, I make it sound so romantic)but I've talked to people on both ends, and really, as I said before, I think a lot of folks would be surprised with the level of results at this point. Transgirls can have full sexual pleasure from their new lady parts, and can have full-body orgasms just like your average girl can. Meanwhile, the man could encounter a vagina that looks, feels, and gets wet just like your average, run of the mill vajayjay.
You'd also be impressed with how other parts of the body can turn out as well. I have one friend who ended up with ridiculously mesmerizing C-cups from nothing but hormones.
Again, though, all of this depends on how much effort you put into getting good results.
lexi said:The majority of people here advocating for disclosure within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone, is not realistic. If I had followed this sage advice I'd have dated approximately 0 guys.
That all sounds great -- but their are excellent boob-jobs as well; does't make them all great, seems most are mediocre and some just outright bad.
I don't think it'd be a stretch to imagine it's the same way for SRA as well, I don't have too much faith; I'll always be a "natural is better" man until ALL surgeries hit that excellent level.
How would you feel if she had reassignment surgery? Or is that what the second 3rd paragraph addressed?I think the most interesting question, to me, is how I would react under these circumstances.
I am very strongly heterosexual (as in, I am very close to pure heterosex on the Kinsey scale, and I've considered this question seriously), so my instinctive response is that I would lose significant interest in intimacy with a woman if I found out she had a penis and was born a male.
However, I've never been in that situation, so I don't really know that for sure. If I had been dating someone for two months, fell in love, and only then discovered she was born a male? I don't know. I still think the answer is that I'd be very upset and unwilling to continue the romance, but I don't know for sure.
I wish nothing more than full equality for trans-peoples, better surgery will certainly aid this.I guess we'll know when trans people have full equality, it will be once they're good enough to fulfill your standards. You must be dry-reaching right now, just having to interact with me. I hope you get well soon.
Like she'd rather bail than get busted about being trans. We live in the Philippines, though. Guys here are really conscious about being seen as gay or someshit, lol. It's hard as fuck to get a date here if you're trans, unfortunately. A lot of close-minded people.
I wish nothing more than full equality for trans-peoples, better surgery will certainly aid this.
How?
How?
I think the most interesting question, to me, is how I would react under these circumstances.
I am very strongly heterosexual (as in, I am very close to pure heterosex on the Kinsey scale, and I've considered this question seriously), so my instinctive response is that I would lose significant interest in intimacy with a woman if I found out she had a penis and was born a male.
However, I've never been in that situation, so I don't really know that for sure. If I had been dating someone for two months, fell in love, and only then discovered she was born a male? I don't know. I still think the answer is that I'd be very upset and unwilling to continue the romance, but I don't know for sure.
Sadsic said:Serious Question: I had relations with a man who considered himself trans, but he had a normal male body and was not going to ever get reassignment surgery. Also he preferred to consider himself genderless and to be called with neutral gender pronouns like ze, they, them, etc.
Is this a transgendered/transsexual person in anyway? Or just a confused person?
I don't think the quality of one's genitalia should determine how accepted they are in society.Their is this ense amongst people who don't want to date tran-peoples that it isn't as good as natural, if your average SRA was high-quality and rendered most patients indistinguishable from cis-peoples I'd think it would go a long way towards improving public perception of the transgendered, of course their are many other factors and this isn't the sole factor that would change everything.
Seriously? If you had sex with a beautiful woman and then down the line it came out her Assigned Gender at Birth was different from her current gender you would suddenly lose attraction to her?
Also the bolded is dangerously close to biological essentialism. Why is her genitalia decades ago so freaking important?
I don't think it matters what you think, what matters is that it does.I don't think the quality of one's genitalia should determine how accepted they are in society.
As I said earlier, our sexual prefences aren't founded upon logic; yes, someone previously considered attractive could be rendered completely unattractive based on one simple turn-off.