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[Izuna]

Man I am so screwed. My partner is downstairs hoping I don't poison her as I'm trying a hand in cooking. I think it's an important quality to have as whenever she gets tired of cooking we order takeaway or something, if we have kids that can't be what goes on.

So here's my idea --

- 4 baby Tomatoes
- Slightly Salted Butter
- 1 Lemon
- Ice Berg Lettuce
- and some precut (I cut them two nights ago) chip shaped potatoes
- 2 wild keta salmon fillets
- some basil

I thought that I could like, start making some homemade chips -- and cook the salmon with lemon and basil, a little butter (and some lemon butter sauce) with the tomatoes cut neatly among the lettuce.

...

So the potatoes, cut from raw, I put them in a frying pan and fried very slightly with olive oil and now they are boiling in water (that has a little salt and some olive oil put in). I figure it will take like 30 minutes before I should start on the salmon right?

I don't have any timers. I don't know if I should be boiling the potatoes at all. I'm fucked aren't I?

It sounded so perfect of an idea in my head but I wanted to go off recipe. Pictures incoming!

 

[xxracerxx]

Did you fry the potatoes before boiling them? You dun fucked up already.

Also, your phone has a timer most likely, as well as the internet.

edit: I mean you are on the internet now, how did you not research this?

Here is a link to make potato chips from scratch: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/my-homemade-potato-chips-234557

 

[Stumpokapow]

they're potatoes it's basically impossible to fuck them up

 

[marrec]

Deep breaths you'll be fine. Don't overcook the salmon and the rest will fall into place.

Boiling the potatoes AFTER frying them was probably the wrong move, but I've never actually tried that so who knows.

 

[entremet]

Remember to preheat your oven.

Just follow a recipe online. You will be fine.

Frying is too advanced to most beginners. Try roasting or just boiling them.

 

[Izuna]

My potatoes:

Everything else (except lettuce):

--

I am confident that the Salmon will be okay. It is within my ballpark and the lemon butter will be beautiful. After all it's not completely from a ungutted fish, so I can't fuck it up...

But the potatoes =(

--

I didn't wanna use a recipe because I want to be able to say I didn't need one. I fucking needed one.

When the chips look edible, I'll start on the Salmon. I'll keep you updated.

My missus is a mean cook and the only thing I have ever impressed her with is a Thai Curry, but that had premade pastes and shit.

 

[Nikodemos]

Fry after boiling, not before. All the spices and olive oil will leach into the water. Unless you're trying to make potato soup (the best soups always start by lightly sautee-ing their veggies), you need to do it the other way around.

 

[MikeHattsu]

Here is a link to make potato chips from scratch: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/my-homemade-potato-chips-234557

Wrong kind of chips.

 

[Hrothgar]

Next time, boil your potatoes first (whole or halved), then fry them after cutting into smaller pieces.

they're potatoes it's basically impossible to fuck them up

Don't know about you, but boiling after frying is pretty close to fucking them up...

 

[xxracerxx]

Wrong kind of chips.

Making those sorts of chips is not for beginners. He could have gotten away with making potato wedges in the oven though.

I didn't wanna use a recipe because I want to be able to say I didn't need one. I fucking needed one.

When the chips look edible, I'll start on the Salmon. I'll keep you updated.

1. Don't try to be "manly" by not using a cookbook, that is just dumb.

2. I don't know if those chips will ever be edible, sorry mate.

 

[marrec]

You can try to salvage the potatoes by mashing them after they've boiled for a bit or take them out right now and dry them off completely and roast them in a 400 degree oven.

 

[Izuna]

Don't know about you, but boiling after frying is pretty close to fucking them up...

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

--

FUCK!

They are breaking apart.

They taste like mashed potatoes.

If I put them in the oven, will they at least resemble chips? How long should I put them in for?

 

[Nikodemos]

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

The ouside texture will become mushy due to boiling. Hot water always = mushy.

Boil, then fry. Hit up YT for stuff by Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay, even Heston Blumenthal (though he's way above what a newcomer to cooking can do).

 

[K.Jack]

1. Find recipe you want to cook
2. Follow instructions to the 't'

I can already tell you that your "chips" are fucked.

I have a culinary degree bruv, ask me anything. What you really don't want to mess up is the fish.

 

[marrec]

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

You're fine, boiling them is going to erase the frying process but it's also going to soften them.

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

--

FUCK!

They are breaking apart.

They taste like mashed potatoes.

If I put them in the oven, will they at least resemble chips? How long should I put them in for?

NO they're done for do not put them in the oven unless you want to make tatter tots.

 

[entremet]

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

You can still save them.

Just drain and pat super dry. Fry again.

 

[Hrothgar]

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

Ah then you should be in the clear, 1 minute wont do anything. I thought you fried them for like 10+ minutes

EDIT: or not, lol.

 

[GoldenEye 007]

they're potatoes it's basically impossible to fuck them up

I agre....

Did you fry the potatoes before boiling them? You dun fucked up already.

Oh. Oh my.

But good start OP. I have some assignments due tonight, so I can't give you any advice for now, though. Just find recipes for your ingredients and follow it. As long as you don't overcook the Salmon, you're fine.

 

[jwk94]

OP, use recipes until you feel comfortable enough to work on your own.

 

[xxracerxx]

I fried them for like, minute, because I thought it would give the outside some texture maybe? If that's not how it works then I done fucked up.

Have you never seen a deep fryer?

edit: Here OP, follow this for the salmon: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/tomato-basil-salmon/

Also, pro-tip, iceberg lettuce and a few tomatoes a salad it does not make.

 

[entremet]

Also messing up is fine. That's how you learn.

 

[Izuna]

You can still save them.

Just drain and pat super dry. Fry again.

Okay. That sounds... Okay I will go with that. I will drain them, maybe set up the Salmon now and put them in the frying pan.

 

[marrec]

Okay. That sounds... Okay I will go with that. I will drain them, maybe set up the Salmon now and put them in the frying pan.

MAKE SURE THEY ARE DRY! Pat them dry as fuck.

 

[squidyj]

Honestly for potatoes I would have gone for something like home fries which IMO are easier. cut yourself up some 'cubes' of potato, toss em in the frying pan with oil, fry em up slow, add some diced onion maybe halfway through (we don't want to burn the onion), season with some salt and pepper. You can add other flavours and use butter if you want, I generally like to add some butter at the end but use something like olive oil when I'm frying.

Of course with potatoes first you cut them, then you soak them to get the starch off of them, then you dry them to get the water off of them, then they're ready for frying.

 

[Septimus Prime]

Can you still mash up your potatoes and serve them as mashed potatoes?

Here's one thing that took me way too long to learn: high heat does not mean it will cook your food faster. Make sure you use the proper heat levels for whatever you're cooking.

 

[Izuna]

Some are splitting. I took a bit and the texture is all wrong.

If I fry these they will be hard at least on the outside right?

MAKE SURE THEY ARE DRY! Pat them dry as fuck.

Okay!

How long do you think that will take? I am going to pan fry my Salmon, I don't want to do one before the other is anywhere near finished.

 

[Alucrid]

should have just done like...potato wedges or something. slice them up, salt, pepper, oil, bake, flip, bake, done

 

[xxracerxx]

Okay. That sounds... Okay I will go with that. I will drain them, maybe set up the Salmon now and put them in the frying pan.

Tossing them with (not in the frying pan) olive oil and seasoning then baking would probably be safer.

 

[NandyRewman]

For the chips, as everyone has mentioned, boiling them after frying was probably a mistake.

Try heating up some butter/oil/cooking fat in an oven proof dish or frying pan, until its very hot. Drain off your potatoes and add them to the dish/pan. Put pan in oven, gas mark 4 or 5, until they start to crisp and look golden.

Not sure how well it'll work with your potatoes, but it might be worth a try.

 

[Hrothgar]

Some are splitting. I took a bit and the texture is all wrong.

If I fry these they will be hard at least on the outside right?

Maybe if they are not soaked through.

 

[Risible]

How to make chips (fries for the US):

Cut potatoes into wedges
drop into boiling oil
remove them once they are golden brown

No boiling required. You only boil them to make mash or you can parboil (kind of like semi-boil) and then coat them with oil and finish them in the oven.

 

[Nikodemos]

Some are splitting. I took a bit and the texture is all wrong.

If I fry these they will be hard at least on the outside right?

Well, if you were a more advanced cook I'd advise brushing with oil, sprinkling with spices and chucking in the oven to crisp them. The edges get nice and crunchy, while the middle remains soft.

 

[Risible]

Some are splitting. I took a bit and the texture is all wrong.

If I fry these they will be hard at least on the outside right?



Okay!

How long do you think that will take? I am going to pan fry my Salmon, I don't want to do one before the other is anywhere near finished.

DO NOT DUMP THEM INTO HOT OIL WHILE WET.

They will "spit" hot oil EVERYWHERE.

 

[jl4855]

You are trying, which is half the battle. Unfortunately the other half probably would have been to use a recipe. Good luck, OP!

 

[Izuna]

How to make chips (fries for the US):

Cut potatoes into wedges
drop into boiling oil
remove them once they are golden brown

No boiling required. You only boil them to make mash or you can parboil (kind of like semi-boil) and then coat them with oil and finish them in the oven.

I know how to make them if I had a deep fryer, but I decided to use water to try and make it less oily. (And we are only in this place for a short term, so no deep fryer).

 

[marrec]

Okay!

How long do you think that will take? I am going to pan fry my Salmon, I don't want to do one before the other is anywhere near finished.

Pan frying salmon doesn't take long at all. I'd over roast those potato sticks at 400 in some oil/butter with salt and parsley until they start to brown, you have to keep an eye on them though.

In all honesty, you're probably better off turning those into mashed potatoes at this point, they'll probably stick to whatever you cook them in and you'll end up with a hard to clean dish and the same texture of potato.

 

[xxracerxx]

How long do you think that will take? I am going to pan fry my Salmon, I don't want to do one before the other is anywhere near finished.

Please tell me you are going to follow a recipe for the salmon, especially if you are going to do it on the stovetop (hint: DO IT IN THE OVEN!).

Salmon takes no time to cook.

Pan frying salmon doesn't take long at all. I'd over roast those potato sticks at 400 in some oil/butter with salt and parsley until they start to brown, you have to keep an eye on them though.

In all honesty, you're probably better off turning those into mashed potatoes at this point, they'll probably stick to whatever you cook them in and you'll end up with a hard to clean dish and the same texture of potato.

Roasting = inside the oven.

I would agree on just boil them longer then mash.

 

[gimmmick]

Well you just ruined your potatoes texture with them being boiled instead of fried now.

Cut them a lot thiner next time so the cooking time of blanching them in oil won't be nearly as long.

Also what are you trying to go for with this dish?

You have your protein (salmon), starch (boiled potatoes) and your veg is I'm guessing tomatoes?

If all else fails bro, you can braise the salmon with the ingredients you have. Tomato water as your broth, potatoes to thicken it up. Add in spices from your pantry and you'll be alright.

 

[Izuna]

Well, if you were a more advanced cook I'd advise brushing with oil, sprinkling with spices and chucking in the oven to crisp them. The edges get nice and crunchy, while the middle remains soft.

Oooooooo

I hope it turns out that way. Oven sounds safer, and at the very least I can control it more (in that if it finished before my Salmon I can just keep it warm until it is all done).

So, dry them carefully, then brush with oil and pop them in the oven. Got it.

I just have to make sure they don't break.

 

[Nikodemos]

^^^ Keep a close eye on them. You want them crunchy, not burnt/dry as a twig.

Particularly since they're thin, like fries rather than the usual wedge shape employed for baked slices.

 

[Izuna]

I am thinking of setting up a livestream. I'm way too fucking scared right now.

EDIT: The Champagne Rose will drown out any mistakes, right?

 

[Frecklestein]

Just make sure you don't accidentally hit the chemical X this time.

 

[DoubleYou]

 

[Parmadillo Marshmallow]

At this point, just make mashed potatoes.

 

[ReAxion]

potato crimes itt

 

[Nikodemos]

At this point, just make mashed potatoes.

Those potatoes could still be raw in some places. He'll end up with lumpy mash, especially if those are the frying type of potato instead of the boiling kind.

 

[Izuna]

At this point, just make mashed potatoes.

She would be livid. It's the only part of this meal she requested... =(

All I gotta do is beat McDonald's

 

[marrec]

Don't pre-cut your potatoes next time, that was your first mistake.

 

[quik killa]

At this point, just make mashed potatoes.

This. Do not try to cook those potatoes for a third time; they have been through enough. Add some butter, salt, and milk and then mash them. First, poke them with a fork to see if they are tender. That is how you know they are cooked.

 

[xxracerxx]

She would be livid. It's the only part of this meal she requested... =(

All I gotta do is beat McDonald's

And you didn't follow a recipe? Tisk, tisk.

Those potatoes could still be raw in some places. He'll end up with lumpy mash, especially if those are the frying type of potato instead of the boiling kind.

He can just boil them for awhile longer, then mash while adding some butter and cream, as well as a dash of salt and pepper. Maybe some green onions and garlic. Mmmmm