Hot Coldman said:

I wouldn't call getting off to Rosie Jones or Kim Kardashian as "looking at porn"

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Well I have a couple, first a little bit about me. I had a fun and cool growing up, we lived in the sticks and I loved the forests we had and I'd spend most of my time exploring, fishing and playing games with my family.

My father and mother divorced and my father got custody. A great father but at the same time he was old school and really stern to mistakes. Well growing up me and my brothers were sometimes picked on by adults (we started to live in turkey) and each time we told our father what had happened and he would then go out and beat the people for laying hands in us.

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Well we kept our cheating charade up for about 3 years, till I got her preggo. I didn't mean too, it was an accident. I feel bad, I do, I'm a horrible rotten person, but, Shel is a spineless coward and is allowing his daughter to grow up spoiled.

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ronito said:

I don't typically like to make fun of people who have English as a second language (hell, it's my second language) but the typo in the last line made me laugh heartily.

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ronito said:

Better a coward than a horrible person.

Also: "naked yoga"? Hold on, gotta google Wii Fit Trainer again.

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Hey, so, this isn't a particularly deep confession or anything, but I'm scared of dogs. Like, terrified. Normally I'd just ask GAF for help but dogGAF can be scary defensive about how great their dogs are; and that's half the problem. Anytime I'm out walking and someone with a dog aproaches I freeze up. I just can't deal. Struggling to breath. All ypur standard phobia stuff. And every fucking time I'm there unable to go on walking, people get annoyed at me. It's especcially bad if the dog isn't on a lead and he just runs up at me and I freeze; and people can't help but say 'oh you're all right he won't bite' or whatever and I feel really bad about being rude to them.

I'm NOT scared of being bitten. At all. I know that 99.9% of dogs are lovely freindly animals just trying to say hello or something. I just can't help freezing up about it. And it's not that I don't like dogs, either! I think they're well cool, I love youtube videos of dogs being adorable and stuff. We had a dog when I was a little kid and he and I were friends; and I have no traumatic memories about him or anything. But despite all that I can't convince myself to react any way other than with petrification even though I know it's fucking stupid. How do I deal with this? I want to be able to walk places without freezing up (there's lots of dogs in my town) and not have this crazy inexplicable phobia. I'm a university student so I can't get a dog and none of my friends have one.

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Hot Coldman said:

I wouldn't call getting off to Rosie Jones or Kim Kardashian as "looking at porn"

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ronito said:

Wow. Such confession.

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Welp, I have a confession..

- the first time I masturbated I had just returned home with my family after we had spent the day in town and my dick was burning and uncomfortable for some reason, so I go to the bathroom and start fiddling with wang (note, I had lived a kinda enclosed life without Internet and was home schooled so I wasn't in the know about wanking or what it was).

So anyway I start to rub harder and harder but my hand is dry and there is tons of friction, so I grabbed some Vaseline from the shelf, apply, and continue. Then after a couple of minutes a white blob appears at the end of my dick and I'm honestly surprised ( i was 12).

Then a few days later we get Internet since we had just moved to London and I set out to investigate what was the act I had done. So after hours on the computer I'm now a sage in all things masturbation and I soon develop a problem. I just keep masturbating and can't stop,stinking my dick into home made vaginas, bottles and what not.

Soon that got boring and I started to get more creative, I started sucking my dick (at first I could just lick the tip, now I can fit half of it in there) and watching more and more porn, especially cumshots into the faces of women, so one day I jizz all over
My face to see what it was like and as soon as it hits and the warmth starts spreading around I almost puke, clean myself up and go to bed.

Now this puts me off wanking for 2 weeks and during that time I started to have wet dreams about fucking my sister and what not. 2 weeks past and I'm back into the think of it and this time I jizz into my mouth.

And just yesterday, I was knocking one out and when I passed my usual cum time (2.5 minutes) I realise its one of those times where I can't cum
For the life of me. So despite that I go for 6 more minutes and my left hand is seriously cramping and then I try to test something out.

I picture Felicity smoak (character from the tv show arrow) and me boning like wild animals and within a minute a blow my load, one of my best wanks.

Problem is after every dirty act, I feel intense bouts of shame and wrong doing and despite all this I just keep doing it.

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ronito said:

You know you're masturbating too much when you have clocked your "usual cum time"

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i can only get aroused on the smell of used shoes and i don't know how to approach my girlfriend about letting me smell her's, so i usually tell her to go upstairs before me we have sex so I can clean myself up but i usually end up taking a quick sniff to arouse myself so that i can actually perform

ps change your avatar back to the cat

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My Sonicare toothbrush is my best friend in the shower, if you know what I mean...

Litterally 20-30 seconds. Boom and done.

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Hi Ronito! (And Gaf should this end up in the thread)

I didn’t want to use one of those anonymous mail services, so I’m using my spam account to send this. Anyway, here’s my confession:

When I was young, and I mean really young, like 7 or 8, me and two of my (also male) friends, would go and... ‘practice’ having sex whenever the three of us got together. Of course, being snot-nosed brats, we had no idea how gay sex actually worked, so the extent of our little sexcapades consisted of err... rubbing certain things together.
But we didn’t just do this in the privacy of our houses. We did it in public too. I remember how one time the three of us went out to this petting zoo with our parents: after we had dinner at the zoo’s restaurant, we went to the nearby playground. There were these big, concrete tubes there for children to play in, and they made pretty good hiding spots. Suffice to say we played there alright. I remember us doing this at a few other places as well, but my memory’s kinda hazy, so I won’t go into detail.

Thinking about it now, it’s a miracle none of our parents ever caught us. I also recall one of those friends actually being 3-4 years older than me and my other friend, which seems kind of weird now. I’m actually curious to find out what became of that older guy, since I completely lost contact with him once we stopped going on our adventures.

Anyway, TL;DR: 7-8 year old kids being manwhores. Enjoy.

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I think my girlfriend has daddy issues. I love her to death and she's one of the most amazing people ever, but her biggest turn-on is when I call her a "good girl". She mentioned recently that she loves "paternal guys", and she loves being submissive and doing what I tell her to do. Yesterday she mentioned that she had a dream where her dad was hitting on her (????).

I love this girl but I don't know what to do. At least she doesn't call me daddy.

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I have some strange irrational hatred of moles. Not the blind burrowing fellows, but the brown blemishes on the human body. I think that most people generally dislike them but usually look past them. But I can't stand them. I'm not even talking Austin Powers Goldmember mole guy, but small ones too. If a girl has one on her face it becomes something of a deal breaker; I find it impossible to think people like Eva Mendes or Kate Upton are attractive. Even Jennifer Lawrence is iffy because of all her body moles.

I had one on my face and used to cover it in foundation make-up when in high school because I couldn't stand to look at it. I think people knew this though so I was something of a laughing stock for a year and half. I've ended up using some product off the internet to burn it off as I preferred having a small red scar to the mole. Don't hate me guys.

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ronito said:

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Arkos said:

Moar liek shmang bros, mirite?

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vikki said:

Some of the more awful confessions get to me. Like calling your "friend" spineless while you're sleeping with his wife? You've got some nerve calling yourself a friend.

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Please TLDR me!

* Every time I post in a thread it dies. I hate it. I convince myself that my posts are so godlike no one knows what to say. I've tested this by posting complete shit before and sure enough people jump on me for it. I'm not that stupid though. I know its because my posts are rather boring. It's just I don't want to get banned again.

* Depression and lack of self confidence sucks. Especially when you know you have all the tools to be an extremely successful individual. Not sure how to fix it. It's caused me to lose out on a lot of opportunities. I've fumbled some pretty big (life changing) projects due to depression/lack of confidence. The type of shit I've fumbled isn't things that everyone gets either. I'm talking about opportunities that make people into household names. Family and friends look at me like I'm crazy because they don't understand why I'm not "there" yet, when other people would be. I don't really have any proper support for what I'm dealing with so I've completely stopped talking to people about my issues. I'm still really young so I'm hoping I can snap out of this soon.

* My last gf broke up with me because I couldn't have sex with her. I'm paranoid about STD's and I somehow convinced myself she had a particularly harsh STD. I know there are condoms but paranoia doesn't make sense. I never told her this though and didn't know how to say, "Hey your X ( not vagina) is extremely unusual and almost off-putting and you get bruised easily, even when we kiss. Do you have AIDS because that's what WebMD told me". It was the first time I dealt with something like this and I didn't know how to handle it. In hindsight I should have acted like an adult and talked to her about it. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm gay because of that. Though I would give almost anything to have a second go. I still find her attractive even when coupled with the weird issues and the fact that I'm almost positive she cheated on me. I deleted her number and every once in a while I get a text from her about random bullshit. I don't have the heart to block her because I still do kind of like her and would most likely have sex with her if she put it out there. Not gonna happen though. I know she's moved on. Fuck, when written down I see how pathetic this is.

* I've had the biggest crush on Sats for awhile and the ass pic she claimed to have sent only makes me crush harder. I'm not a bad looking guy either.

* College debt sucks. None of the opportunities I've gotten or fumbled have come from going to college or my degree. I often envy people who got financial help from their parents because they don't know how lucky they are. I had no help. I'm not angry with my parents for that, I just wish I never went to college. It's done me little to no good. I paid for a degree that's pretty much worthless. I know it's my fault though. I hated looking at it so much one day I almost burned it. Instead I put it in the attic and ironically it was ruined due to a leak a couple months later. I've never had to ask for a replacement.

Even if you don't post this it feels good to get some of this stuff off my chest. Thanks RonRon!

p.s. My next confession will rhyme.

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Every time I post in a thread it dies. I hate it. I convince myself that my posts are so godlike no one knows what to say. I've tested this by posting complete shit before and sure enough people jump on me for it. I'm not that stupid though. I know its because my posts are rather boring. It's just I don't want to get banned again.

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Fretting over a personal issue, but feeling too bashful/TMI to talk about it openly (anonthread to the rescue).



I'm (pre-op) trans, and my junk doesn't work. That probably makes one think of erectile dysfunction or something, but sadly... that'd actually be an improvement to me. Sex drive works, erections work, the buildup works and the ejaculation works. The orgasm does not, and I can count on a single hand how many times it has out of what must be hundreds or thousands of attempts. We're talking about a trial of many hours, if at all. That little head high you can get when you sneeze really hard? That sensation is hands down more pleasurable than tugging at this stupid fucking useless noodle to try to take some of the edge off of my adversarial sex drive most of the time. If HRT and SRS somehow destroyed my drive and all the nerves down there irreversibly, I'd still consider it a blessing.



Count your blessings if you can count on your junk.

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Hey Ronito and other gaffers!

I have been thinking of writing this "confession" for years and finally had the balls to do it. This confession isn't really about what I have done but more like what I am. It isn't going to wow anybody or anything but here it goes: I probably have the smallest penis on gaf, it's just under 3 inches. It kind of sucks, you know...

So, I have a hypospadia chordee, the worst kind of hypospadias. I've had multiple surgeries done so I've spent quite a lot of time in hospitals, which wasn't much fun, I always got real depressed there and I was just a little kid. Even though all the surgeries my little guy(emphasis on little), isn't that great. The penis is inside me a bit, so the penis is actually longer than what you can see but of course only the visible part is counted. This makes erections kind of crappy for me because it gets hard but won't go up, it's just kind of stuck in a downwards position. I once tried to twist the penis up but it hurt like hell so I haven't tried to do it anymore.

So, of course, with a tiny penis comes a tiny self-esteem. I don't have many friends. and making friends is really hard for me. I have never been in a relationship, I have a feeling I never will be. I'm used to being alone. Almost daily I imagine how much happier I were if I had "normal" man parts. I don't really get depressed over this anymore, just kind of sad. I'm actually feeling sad right now, I didn't know writing this would affect me so. I feel like crying.

Sorry if my confession isn't as rad as some other stuff in this thread, I have never talked about this stuff to anyone and felt this was the right thread to do it and I hope writing this helps me cope with my "handicap".

And, if there are other people like me reading this, which I hope there aren't because this thing sucks balls, I guess you can take some solace in that you are not alone with this.

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* I've had the biggest crush on Sats for awhile and the ass pic she claimed to have sent only makes me crush harder. I'm not a bad looking guy either.

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ronito said:

"Count your blessings if you can count on your junk" Words to live by.

Anyone got any advice here?

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akira28 said:

Yeah I don't see that one ending well, if his 'spineless' so-called friend snaps like a frayed steel wire. Even assuming that it's not a troll confession.

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ronito said:

TL;DR dude asks for TL;DR doesn't get one.

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C. Qwark said:

she probably isn't even a girl

i don't think there are girls on the internet

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Rafa=FedKilla said:

I have a tiny penis and I'm not afriad to say it. Lets work on this together brah.

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zeemumu said:

Alright, here goes nothing:

I have a friend who I recently just gave up on talking to and have been passively ignoring because she has a bad habit of flaking on me whenever I ask if she wants to hang out. It would be fine if it were just a few times, but it's literally been every single time. Sometimes she just goes and does those plans with someone else, which just ends up making me sad because it makes me feel like I wasn't good enough to hang out with. Yet I know it's not because she's trying to ignore me because she does still walk up and talk to me when she sees me around. The last time we were talking she asked if I was mad at her for something and I said no because she's already paranoid about people being mad at her. So what should I do? Should I tell her that her behavior is upsetting me, or do I just continue to ignore her?

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I'm a pretty terrible person in a relationship that I should have ended
a long time ago. I'll put in in a list for the tl;dr crowd.
-I've cheated on my girlfriend, multiple times, with at least 3 people.
I have never told her this or intend to. I honestly don't feel that bad
about it and don't really linger on the thought.
-A couple times were to get back at her for being clingy and
irrationally angry. A couple other times were because I was horny and
she wasn't and I had a friend who is more than happy to fill in. A
couple other times were with old flames (coincidentally, they were also
cheating).
-I'll usually use work as an excuse to go out somewhere with friends or
whatever when I don't want her feeling upset that I didn't take her
somewhere. She doesn't have any decent friends and so I'm usually the
one providing her with social interactions. (outside family)
-There have been a couple times when I try to break it off, but then I
pity her too much and stop.

I'm not sure when I'll break it off for good, but it'll happen.
Hopefully this one's juicy enough as it seems nobody's been putting down
any good ones.

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Stet said:

I'm calling bullshit on eating cigarette butts. Tobacco is from the nightshade family and extremely toxic if eaten. If you ate cigarette butts you'd puke for sure.

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Dear Ronito,

I am in my mid 20s. I do not enjoy sex. I don't find it to be fun or even that pleasurable, but instead find it to be more of a chore than anything else. I have had a number of partners, I'm very attracted to women, and I'm very attracted to the idea of sex. But in practice, I just don't like it. I find it easier to jerk off and call it a day instead of getting involved in all the work associated with sex. It's not that I enjoy jerking off more. It's just easier. I get the same amount of pleasure from it, which isn't much.

It's just boring and unfun to me. It makes me not even bother with dating because I don't particularly want to consummate any relationship. I don't consider myself asexual, I just don't like having sex.

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Acorn said:

As a past and sometimes still flakey dude. You need to address it with her.

I almost lost my best friends for the last 16 years because I was so oblivious/ignorant about how much I was pissing people off (who also - as we all- have a lack of spare time due to getting older).

I'm the type of guy who doesn't like to say no to anyone despite knowing I need to be alone sometimes to stay sane and unwind. It led to a bunch of bullshit excuses to cancel and culminated in a heated dunken argument with dudes I have never had a serious argument with in my life.

So, yeah absolutely voice your concerns, friendship is a 2 way street and sometimes people like me need a good kick up the arse.

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This is truly about a friend, and not me. At times I wish it was me.

He was a manager of retail store, and slept with several of his employees. He even slept with the girlfriend of one of his employees (the girlfriend was also an employee.) One day, he went to his car to see the car covered in cream cheese, due to a irate ex girlfriend/employee. After 5-6 of these relationships, corporate got wise and fired him.

Fast forward to his current job. He recently moved and now lives across the street from his current boss. He also started seeing a girl from work. Not an underling, just someone from a different division. The bad part is she is seeing someone else as well. The someone else is a married man. The someone else works for the same company, and who happens to be my friends boss, who lives across the street! So, right now, my friend is banging his bosses mistress.

After a while, the wife of the boss found out about the affair. The wife also found out about the mistress and my friend. Once, he came home to a old woman blocking his driveway. The old woman started cursing him out, and saying "How do you like sloppy seconds???" She was the mother of the wife (who also lived across the street) and decided the best way to deal with this situation is to yell at the other man in her son-in-laws mistress's life.

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fell for a GAFfer I formed a friendship with. He doesn't feel the
same and it makes me sad. Game over.

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In posting the "Crappy Girlfriend" account, it helped me see I should have cut ties and moved on a long time ago. I can do way better and knowing that the story sits somewhere for others to see will keep me accountable and far away from her.

I liked your summation of my confession. It definitely needed to have the shit edited out.

Yeah, I've developed an inferiority complex thanks to her. I'm working on deprogramming it. No more diffidence is the goal. And I tend to be way too indulgent with my first drafts. "Venereal activities" was a silly way to put "SEX."

"Girl X" ended up finding the confession. Her response pretty much affirmed why she's been labeled a "crappy/bad girlfriend." There's another girl I am speaking to you and I've learned they aren't all crazy, manipulative, and egomaniacal.

Keep on fighting the good fight!


All the best,

Crappy Girlfriend Guy

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AdventureRacing said:

Super late here but this isn't true at all. Where i used to work we took mentally disabled people out for trips (to parks, shopping malls, bowling, movies etc). Quite a few of them had one thing in common, they were obsessed with eating cigarette butts. If you took them to a park they would just walk along scanning the ground for them and they could spot them from a distance. If you weren't careful they would eat them by the dozen and i can't remember hearing of them ever getting sick.

I've also seen kids eat cigarette butts and not get sick.

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akira28 said:

haha one wonders how girl x found the confession...

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zeemumu said:

Alright, here goes nothing:

I have a friend who I recently just gave up on talking to and have been passively ignoring because she has a bad habit of flaking on me whenever I ask if she wants to hang out. It would be fine if it were just a few times, but it's literally been every single time. Sometimes she just goes and does those plans with someone else, which just ends up making me sad because it makes me feel like I wasn't good enough to hang out with. Yet I know it's not because she's trying to ignore me because she does still walk up and talk to me when she sees me around. The last time we were talking she asked if I was mad at her for something and I said no because she's already paranoid about people being mad at her. So what should I do? Should I tell her that her behavior is upsetting me, or do I just continue to ignore her?

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I've had the biggest crush on Sats for awhile and the ass pic she claimed to have sent only makes me crush harder. I'm not a bad looking guy either.

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