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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #46: SteamPunk

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Not open for further replies.
A

Ashes

Banned
Latest Update!

Results

  1. Bootaaay - 11*
  2. FelixOrion - 08**
  3. Karakand - 06**
  4. Crunched - 06*
  5. Miri - 05
  6. Ashes - 04*
  7. Grakl - 02
Hm. LiQuid!

Congrats Bootaaay. You is a winner! -¬woot!
Voting Deadline; (PST)

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---
Submission Deadline; (PST)

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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #46: SteamPunk

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Theme:SteamPunk

Enough said? :p

Optional Secondary Objective:Sonnets

Yeah, you read right. :p

Poetry Thread Rules 2.0

For poets entering:

  • You are allowed one entry based on the theme; and an optional second entry, if it meets the secondary objective.
  • There are no word counts. Interpret the theme as you wish.
  • If you're a brave soul, there is a 'super secret' optional objective: performing the poem. Don't worry - we will only judge your official entry (the written version). Try it out. Poetry Slams are always cool. ;)
For voters:

  • You can vote even if you haven't posted a poem.
  • Vote for your three favourite poems. But remember that:
    • you can't vote for your self
    • you can't pick two poems from the same author
    • you can't vote for an entry labelled 'ineligible'
  • You cannot win unless you vote.
Competition:

  • The contest runs for two weeks.
  • The deadline is on the last Friday. Once the final entry list is up, the voting begins; it finishes at the end of the weekend.
  • How we count the votes:
    • 1st place is allocated 3 pts; 2nd is allocated 2pts; 3rd is allocated 1pt
    • If there is no outright winner, we add half a point to 1st place, so that the person with the most first place votes win. If we still don't have a winner, we then leave it up to the op to decide how to best go about it; or to choose the outright winner
  • The winner gets a round of applause. They are then in charge of the new thread. If you can't make a new thread, just ask somebody in the current thread, and they might do it for you.
General:

  • This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
  • We like to keep the finale on the alternative week to its sister thread: the creative writing thread. Every so often, we get interrupted, such as during E3, and/or Nanowrimo.
  • The archives and the op templates are managed by Bootaaay. If you have a question about it, you can pm him.
  • A big thank you to him, and everybody else who manages the thread week in and week out. We would be worse off without them.
  • Everybody is welcome to enjoy the poetry on offer, or just vote, or just critique.

Submission Deadline; (PST)

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Voting Deadline; (PST)

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The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person)
Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment)
Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance)
Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks)
Poetry Challenge #21: A Night on the Town (+ Didactic Poems)
Poetry Challenge #22: A Letter to the World (+ Inside Outside Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #23: The Blues
Poetry Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond (+ Prose Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #25: Futurism (+ Avoid Technology)
Poetry Challenge #26: Prove you Exist (+ Lyrical Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #27: Love, Happiness, Peace, Summer & Pixar! (+ Couplets)
Poetry Challenge #28: Dying Earth (+ Blank Verse)
Poetry Challenge #29: War (+ Narrative/Epic Poems)
Poetry Challenge #30: Dreams (+ the return of First Person)
Poetry Challenge #31: At Gunpoint (+ Epic Poetry/Broetry)
Poetry Challenge #32: Two Sides of an Epic Coin Toss (+ Metre & Rhythm)
Poetry Challenge #33: Lust (+ Poetry Slam)
Poetry Challenge #34: Fear (+ Lyric Poetry *To Accompaniment)
Poetry Challenge #35: Detachment (+ A return to allegory)
Poetry Challenge #36: Open (+ Throw Paint on the Wall, See What Sticks!)
Poetry Challenge #37: Chained (+ Cinquain poetry)
Poetry Challenge #38: The Human Experience
Poetry Challenge #39: Of Plants & Trees (+ The return of the Limerick)
Poetry Challenge #40: Homelessness (+ Etheree)
Poetry Challenge #41: Escape
Poetry Challenge #42: Eve of Destruction (+ Chōka)
Poetry Challenge #43: A life worth keeping (+Anger)
Poetry Challenge #44: Out of Reach (+Storytelling)
Poetry Challenge #45: Grave (+Alliteration)
 
A

Ashes

Banned
The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

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A

Ashes

Banned
 
I

iavi

Member
Haha, consider me stumped. I suck at incorporating place (which is an interesting, if not specific theme choice) into a piece, so I'll have to thank you for this headache, Ashes. Should be an interesting challenge though.
 
I

iavi

Member
We don't even operate on a last-minute basis in this thread. Our work comes after the deadline. Fashionably late.
 
I

iavi

Member
From Shoddy Construction.

I’d let you see my smile if I could, it’s the truth;
Beneath this filter, below my hood, I’m content, surprisingly.
Or as content as one can be as this tram roars, stops, and pours
Its contents into this city; as I quickly make for home.
This air’s no good, hasn’t been for a long while.
But, mother’s smile, as struggled as the times have made it appear,
Always appears able to greet me once behind this front door
That faces outward towards the city of shoddy construction,
And inward towards happiness.
 
L

LiQuid!

I proudly and openly admit to wishing death upon the mothers of people I don't like
My lifelessness, I have always valued
I can not be sorry or happy, no matter what happens, for I am only a machine
Tricky customers, these wheelers
Tik-Tok is my name
 
R

Red

Member
I have been pretty busy this past week. I write when I'm stressed. I can't say I write well, but here is a quick entry:

steam

wheels grind the earth --
deeper deeper down;
smokestacks pressed against the wind.

we watch the gears,
the clicks of the machine,
and we see that things are changing.

metal and the earth:
the future's past rebirth,
man's hubris overpowering his nature.

we watch the years,
the wicks of time recede,
and we meet ourselves as strangers.

because when she the earth falls
she will fall with us all.
we know.
but our pride is insatiate.


the steam it rises --
ever ever up;
to dissipate and come to earth again.
 
I

iavi

Member
Ashes1396 said:
:p

No, that would be bootaaay. *runs*

yes, I'm guilty of posting past deadlines too. :p
Click to expand...

Lol, I was actually talking about myself. And actually, rather than fashionably late, I just missed the deadline completely in the last challenge or two. You're usually on point when it comes to the entry deadlines, ashes, my bro. Voting on the other hand...tsk tsk.

It's also nice to see that the thread is a bit more active than usual.
 
K

Karakand

Member
Steampunk's Not Dead

Say to me that steampunk's dead
I wish you even more contempt
Don’t like the tumblrs, don’t like the words
You can all piss off steampunk's not dead

Steampunk's not dead, I know
Steampunk's not dead, I know it’s not

We’re all steampunks and we don’t care
We’re monocle boys who cover our our hair
Anachronistic jackets, untailored pants, buckled boots
Run about every con

Steampunk's not dead, I know
Steampunk's not dead, I know it’s not

We refuse to hear their lies
Gramophones will again rise
Staring at us when we walk around
Don’t like it? We’ll hit you with a troy pound
 
G

Grakl

Member
The epitome of Steampunk-themed poetry, when taken out of context:

Greased Lightnin'

Well this car is automatic, it's systematic, it's hydromatic
Why it's greased lightnin'!

We'll get some overhead lifters, and four barrel quads, oh yeah
Keep talkin', whoah keep talkin'
Fuel injection cut off, and chrome plated rods, oh yeah
I'll get the money, I'll see you get the money
With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waitin' at the door
You know that ain't shit when we'll be gettin' lots of tit in greased lightnin'

Go, greased lightnin', you're burnin' up the quarter mile
Greased lightnin', go greased lightnin'
Go, greased lightnin', you're coastin' through the heat lap trials
Greased lightnin', go greased lightnin'
You are supreme, the chicks'll cream for greased lightnin'

We'll get some purple French tail lights and thirty-inch fins, oh yeah
A palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins, oh yeah
With new pistons, plugs, and shocks, I can get off my rocks
You know that I ain't braggin', she's a real pussy wagon - greased lightnin'
 
F

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
The Gaseous Pipedream is a Dream No More

I haven't seen the sun in days.
The pistons and gear of the machines,
Their white plumes block the rays.
Monstrosities by artificial means.

Rusting steel and and stained brass,
Their towers reach into the skies,
Like a wretched child reaches for a blade of grass;
Like a cancer from the earth, they arise.

The people, my people, seem to view this as a prize,
Reveling in ancient fashion and ideals.
They decry tech from the outside as lies.
They make myths out of gas automobiles.

One day I will leave this time frozen land
And experience the true future firsthand.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Springtime spreads it's grasp across the land,
in the woods, bluebells and daffodils bloom,
but in the distance, in the clockwork city,
tarnished spires sit beneath a thick gloom
of a hundred, thousand machines spewing smoke,
a dark, choking blackness constricting the air,
wisps of the acrid poison amid the streets,
as the people cleave through without a care,
burnished metal masks affixed to their jaws,
that faintly click with a clockwork clatter,
breathing purified air deep into their lungs,
a silent world, besides the machines chatter,
while beyond their borders, the seasons pass,
in the city, an ever lasting autumn reigns,
beset by shadowed skies and bitter winds,
the clockwork city sits, to nature's bane.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Miri said:
Lol, I was actually talking about myself. And actually, rather than fashionably late, I just missed the deadline completely in the last challenge or two. You're usually on point when it comes to the entry deadlines, ashes, my bro. Voting on the other hand...tsk tsk.

It's also nice to see that the thread is a bit more active than usual.
Click to expand...

*ahem* coughs. I plead the fifth. :p

I will be done before the deadline. I will be done before the deadline.

/supposes that if he keeps saying it, he will do it. :p
 
I

iavi

Member
Ashes1396 said:
*ahem* coughs. I plead the fifth. :p

I will be done before the deadline. I will be done before the deadline.

/supposes that if he keeps saying it, he will do it. :p
Click to expand...

Haha, not much time left.

Also, seems like your choice of steampunk was a hit. It's great to see so many entries, guys.
 
G

Grakl

Member
Now for my actual entry:

-

Hammer and Tongs

Exquisite,
The detail
That I put in to
This arm;
One that consists of:

One screw loose,
One past destroyed,
Two lives changed,
Two limbs reunited,
Four joyful people,
Four cringing at repairs,
Eight interchangeable parts,
Eight grips at reality.

Indeed,
It is one of my greatest works,
Yet it is only
One part of
The body.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Miri said:
Haha, not much time left.

Also, seems like your choice of steampunk was a hit. It's great to see so many entries, guys.
Click to expand...

Cheers. I just went with something I liked. The darker side of steampunk/cyberpunk seems to work really well with all those twists on modern/futuristic/fantasy technology. There seems to be a more genuine sense of ingenuity.

strike--never mind--strike. old habits die hard. explanationing stuff was in here if you are curious. :p

Great to see the turnout. If I'm honest, I thought I messed up big time, half way through the week. :/
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Steam Punk

This age will come and go,
like the one before,
it's the same dilemmas,
wrapped up in a different paint coat,
I wish I could lay my worst on a platter for you to see,
but I'm afraid, knowing the truth, you will leave me.
I know my downfall, this addiction will be my end;
the steam whistles, the flight takes off, and I continue my pretense.

You see it don't you? the truth of this age?
The world is but a stage, life is a cold play,
and I'm just about done with my dishonest self.
Why can I not change?
The wires in my skeleton are a befuddled mess,
yet my heart is made of gold,
so I can still hear heaven talk;
be good the angels say,
but how is this to be done,
when the devil does not easily give up its prey.

In my private space, I'm hooked, the hieghts are great,
I don't think I will be caught, satiating my lows,
But shame runs through me, when the heights are gone,
and lo I find myself swimming for air, from the ocean bed.
Why like a puppet do I pounce on the trigger,
why do I jump knowing the consequences? Why do I
let the cause of my misery linger?

So help me, darling, because I fear the worst,
for one day, I may jump the rails,
and my parachute will not open,
and I wil fall to my death.
 
R

Red

Member
1. Bootaaay - strong imagery and sound, very thorough description of a single thing -- the clockwork city. Gives me the impression of approaching it from over a hill, watching it rise, and slowly working my way through it.

2. FelixOrion - the narrator's disdain comes across clearly (wretched child, cancer from the earth). I'm not sure what "Reviling in ancient fashion and ideals" means.

3. Ashes1396 - I like the content here, but am confused on a few points. What is the "cause of my misery"? The narrator seems to be doing something he enjoys -- what is miserable about it? There is shame involved, but why? There are a few instances where cliche appears too thick (world but a stage/ life a cold play; heart of gold; heaven talk/ angels say/ devil prey). These lines could be replaced with something more unique, something stronger. It seems like this poem would function better as a short story, but of course that's only my opinion.
 
F

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
Crunched said:
2. FelixOrion - the narrator's disdain comes across clearly (wretched child, cancer from the earth). I'm not sure what "Reviling in ancient fashion and ideals" means.
Click to expand...

Reveling. That's a poor typo on my part, my apologies. I can amend if allowed.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
FelixOrion said:
Reveling. That's a poor typo on my part, my apologies. I can amend if allowed.
Click to expand...

I shall look away for the next 59.9567424 minutes.

Crunched said:
Still thinking.

I forgot we could do three.
Click to expand...

:p

There are a lot of new people in the thread, as well as some old rougues, so this is as good time as any to talk about how we vote. If we had a better op, he would have thought of doing this already, but what're you going to do? :p

Pick your favourite three. Order them:

1,
2,
3,
add Hms to taste. Hms: honorary mentions.
 
bengraven

bengraven

Member
How did I never see these threads?

Eh, I'm complete rubbish with poetry anyway. But still, fun reading.
(no really, I'm not fishing for attention or encouragement, I'm really really shit with poetry)
 
G

Grakl

Member
bengraven said:
How did I never see these threads?

Eh, I'm complete rubbish with poetry anyway. But still, fun reading.
(no really, I'm not fishing for attention or encouragement, I'm really really shit with poetry)
Click to expand...

Don't worry, I'm absolutely terrible as well. Better submit more!
 
I

iavi

Member
1. FelixOrion - I love how easily this applies to our modern day, though it fits the theme; slick. I did feel as if the language could have been weaved better, but I also felt as if the clarity was there.

2. Bootaaay - Fantastic language. Image is great--per usual, and the idea I perceived came clear. Not much I can think to say otherwise.

3. Crunched - Great language, and incredible clarity of idea. I did feel as if it lacked in image however, but that may have been a stylistic choice, I can't really gauge. It works, but I think it could have worked a bit better.

Hm: Ashes - a literal application of the theme, I like. But to be honest, the piece felt a bit heavy; too heavy, but the weight, and bluntness behind does help in ways, on the flipside.
 
F

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
1. Crunched - I like the fact that you focus on the mechanical for the vast majority of it but returned to keep it pinned to the earth, as if mankind cannot truly escape its home or ignore it. That's a very keen point to make.

2. Bootaaay - Damn, I love some of the imagery here. I like the application and review of the strange dichotomy that would be present in world like this.

3. Miri - I enjoyed that this was a cohesive, story-like narrative. But I feel like it was either too ambiguous on its tone or a reflection of looking in to escape the outside. At the least it left me happily puzzled and pondering.
 
I

iavi

Member
Get those votes in, fellas. Let's try to finish this one out in a timely fashion. The last thread lingered for too long.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1, Karakand - Steampunk's Not Dead
2, Bootaaay - Smoke
3, Miri - From Shoddy Construction
hm. FelixOrion - The Gaseous Pipedream is a Dream No More
 
A

Ashes

Banned
I suppose I'll give it till the end of the day for anybody who hasn't voted yet. I haven't counted yet, but I promise, the results will be what they will be come the count. If it comes to it, we're gonna have to enforce the rules one of these days, eh.. Can't let it drag as much it did last round. :p
 
A

Ashes

Banned
  1. Bootaaay - 11*
  2. FelixOrion - 08**
  3. Karakand - 06**
  4. Crunched - 06*
  5. Miri - 05
  6. Ashes - 04*
  7. Grakl - 02
Hm. LiQuid!

Congrats Bootaaay. You is a winner! -¬woot!
 
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