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[Ezalc]

Forgot "tell me what you wanted."

 

[NoRéN]

i get naked, lube up and run at the woman like a dart. Let come what may.

 

[Steamlord]

 

[RobertM]

I like how OP has it down to science when it comes to pauses and voice control.

 

[Vermillion]

First I park my car, then I fuck your bitch.

Spoiler

Based God

 

[Tesseract]

you gotta snarl and roar and stuff, ladies like that.

 

[JustHadToJoin]

First I park my car, then I fuck your bitch.

Spoiler

Based God

hahah..I was hoping at least one person would say this.

 

[Blair]

 

[90TilInfinity]

Real tears b.

I feel like you copy/pasted this from Misc then translated it.

 

[Wickwire]

this is my favorite thread ever.

 

[TUSR]

http://www.abload.de/img/wutzeswh.jpg

thank you, I didn't want to have to make that at work.

 

[Winterfang]

Not having it.

 

[Vermillion]

hahah..I was hoping at least one person would say this.

I aim to please

 

[Raptor]

"Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

And then anal.

Jesus Christ!!!1

 

[Osiris]

Hope the kids go out, if they do, fuck, if they don't then look at each other sorrowfully and say "Fuck".

 

[Dmncnby2k9]

I eat, she sucks, then we fuck

 

[TheContact]

weird thread, anyway, yeah towels are pretty much required, for me at least, don't want all that leaking on my bed

 

[Head of Vengarl]

What in the flying fuck OP

 

[Dennis]

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly.

lmao this is comedy gold

 

[Ronin]

"Let's rub our privates together."

 

[Levito]

"tell me what you wanted"


Can't breathe.

 

[PetriP-TNT]

lmao

A plus thread in every way

 

[Steamlord]

Can somebody please do a dramatic reading of this

 

[Vermillion]

"Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

Mmmm... cupcakes.

 

[BeEatNU]

I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!!

haha

 

[1.21Gigawatts]

Step1: Taking out my wallet.
Step2: Finish.

 

[CrankyJay]

Ask for sex from the wife, get turned down. Sulk.

 

[Pappasman]

"gud smel" might be the best thing I've ever read. hahahahaha.

 

[CrankyJay]

"Baby's asleep, wanna fuck?"

"Shit yeah!"

*fuck*

*finish*

"Goddamn that was awesome."

*cleanup in the bathroom and she has to pee because bladder infections*

"Wanna snuggle on the couch and watch TV?"

"Shit yeah!"

The spoken lines can be said be either one of us. Married sex is simple sex and best sex.

What's your secret? Baby wipes out my wife (yes, I do help with baby) and she's just not interested.

 

[bjb]

This whole thing reads like "Virgin Diaries: Volume 1. Gud Smell".

 

[Conciliator]

I open my eyes really wide and put on an evil-clown kind of smile and then just stare until I get what I want.

EDIT: wow this thread is amazing

 

[Neo Child]

What's your secret? Baby wipes out my wife (yes, I do help with baby) and she's just not interested.

if you're getting your baby involved then thats possibly a reason

 

[steveovig]

I've actually contemplated talking like Butthead during sex just to see my wife's reaction. She hates the poor little guy and that's about the only impression I get right.

 

[CrankyJay]

if you're getting your baby involved then thats possibly a reason

...that's sick and inappropriate.

 

[GungHo]

I quote the Ten Commandments.

"I don't feel like it doing it now."
"Does that matter? You are my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you, and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will... "
"I'm busy now. Stop playing with my boobs."
"You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less. "
"Ok, fine... a little handsy if you'll just leave me the hell alone."
"Do you haggle with me, like a seller of melons, in the marketplace?"
"Oh god, just get it over with."
"The power of your god is a cheap magician's trick."

 

[SolsticeZero]

My fiancee and I look at each other and take our clothes off. We don't have some special mating ritual.

 

[Plywood]

I don't have a sex routine because I don't have sex. Haha, get it? Sex!

 

[Vermillion]

I quote the Ten Commandments.

"I don't feel like it doing it now."
"Does that matter? You are my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you, and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will... "
"I'm busy now. Stop playing with my boobs."
"You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less. "
"Ok, fine... a little handsy if you'll just leave me the hell alone."
"Do you haggle with me, like a seller of melons, in the marketplace?"
"Oh god, just get it over with."
"The power of your god is a cheap magician's trick."

lmaoo

 

[BossLackey]

Usually we're on the bed as that's what we're on when watching TV/Movies. She likes when I massage her ass, so I'll start doing that while whatever we're watching wraps up. I very slowly transition from rubbing her ass (or whatever it is) to rubbing a little too close to a lady part. She almost always, without fail, says "What are you doing?" all drawn out like she knows what I'm doing. If she's into, there ya go. Like you, I come inside as well. She will always go to the bathroom immediately and sit on the toilet and 'let it out' and wipe a bunch (she always keeps the door open). Then she usually makes a comment a minute later like "it's still coming out" and goes back to the bathroom.

 

[Ezalc]

I don't have a sex routine because I don't have sex. Haha, get it? Sex!

It's ok to cry Plywood.

 

[POWERSPHERE]

If you blow your dicksnot up in that ladyhole she should get up and go to the toilet, not just let it soak your bed as it oozes out like a gross creep unless she loves UTIs.

 

[phosphor112]

Oh god, this thread. Lmfao.

 

[nullset2]

OP's intention with the thread didn't seem to be to make his stuff sound hilarious or creepy, but it kinda ended up being like that. I do appreciate that its second part seems to focus on the logistics in dealing with the involved materials in sex, which is good enough for discussion I think, even if the delivery is rather crass, cum rags and all.

Why aren't you using a condom, OP?

Edit: oh my God the responses I'm this thread #dead

 

[SlipperySlope]

Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.

 

[BomberMouse]

My wife would laugh me out of the house if I did anything mentioned in the OP.

.

 

[CrankyJay]

Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.

Fuck you....

Spoiler

Once a month...last time I tried to hold out so she would initiate and I went 2 months before I caved.

 

[SolsticeZero]

Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.

Five or six times a week. Engaged.

 

[FallingEdge]

Fuck you....

Spoiler

Once a month...last time I tried to hold out so she would initiate and I went 2 months before I caved.

that is very depressing ;_;

 

[JustHadToJoin]

OP's intention with the thread didn't seem to be to make his stuff sound hilarious or creepy, but it kinda ended up being like that. I do appreciate that its second part seems to focus on the logistics in dealing with the involved materials in sex, which is good enough for discussion I think, even if the delivery is rather crass, cum rags and all.

Yeah you've got the right idea. Originally I was only gong to ask the last part but then I got a little too into it.

Why aren't you using a condom, OP?

In my past I haven't needed to much

 

[Beermeister]

: What's your sex routine?

Routine? When it becomes routine, you're doing it wrong. Wrong, I say!