What's your sex routine?

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This is my favorite thread of the year.

OP, do you really do all that shit? I just start making out with the girl and gradually feel her and remove her clothes. Then we bang and I leave.
 
I'm really curious about the end. I always have some sort of improvised cumrag around for when I'm ready. I haven't been lucky enough to be with many women who want it on their body, but I've also been lucky enough to be in longer relationships so I always came inside. but it has to come back out and I hate it on my bed. So I just put her on a towel I had nearby or t shirt or blanket or whatever and let it drip onto that. What do other people do? I feel like its weird to do what I do here. You all just let it flow out and then change your sheets? still stains the mattress that way..

this all goes out the window after 7 shots sadly

How do you put in work?
o_O
 
Been thinking about sex all day and I got to thinking.. I wonder how other people initiate/end sex? You can only ever see what you do right? How do you change the mood from hanging out to horny? How do you get her to the point where she opens up and lets you dive in? At what point does he get turned on by you enough and decide to lay you down? And at the end how do y'all keep your stuff clean?

I know it shouldn't be the identical all the time but everyone has patterns that work. Here's my routine

Ignoring whats happened in the past couple minutes or hours or whatever, whenever I want to change the mood I begin to take long pauses in between her comments and questions. In between comments so she wonders what I'm thinking and in between questions so she starts to make more eye contact while waiting for a response.

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

Once I notice that she is having trouble continuing normal conversations (not stuttering, but its clear that I'm inside her mind is she is thinking about it-this is plain and obvious) I'll figure out some compliment to bring her my way. "Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

/touching /kissing /eye contact /seduction

Put on music and I always dive in first. only because women take so much more more to get ready. Theres no routine during however.

I'm really curious about the end. I always have some sort of improvised cumrag around for when I'm ready. I haven't been lucky enough to be with many women who want it on their body, but I've also been lucky enough to be in longer relationships so I always came inside. but it has to come back out and I hate it on my bed. So I just put her on a towel I had nearby or t shirt or blanket or whatever and let it drip onto that. What do other people do? I feel like its weird to do what I do here. You all just let it flow out and then change your sheets? still stains the mattress that way..

this all goes out the window after 7 shots sadly

How do you put in work?

#creepy
 
I don't have a routine, I love foreplay though. These are kinda the following steps I prefer to do:

1. move in from behind, take my hand around her neck, the place the other around her stomach, kiss, bite and lick her earlobe.

2. caress her neck and shoulder area. Prererably in front a mirror to make eye contact with her aswell. Its great if she starts moaning.

3. Stroke/scratch her thighs with my hands.

4. Turn her around with force, push her up against a wall.

5. Spread her legs with my feet.

After that, I don't know... I try to improvise and mix it up.
 
Well, first we have to make a few decisions:
- glasses on or off?
- hair up or down?

Then, we have to get the lights down loooow.. can't have any light. I like it dark, where there isn't even any light coming in from under the door.
 
"Baby's asleep, wanna fuck?"

"Shit yeah!"

*fuck*

*finish*

"Goddamn that was awesome."

*cleanup in the bathroom and she has to pee because bladder infections*

"Wanna snuggle on the couch and watch TV?"

"Shit yeah!"

The spoken lines can be said be either one of us. Married sex is simple sex and best sex.
Let me guess, you also have a 2.5 year old? Because I could have posted this verbatim myself.
 
Let me guess, you also have a 2.5 year old? Because I could have posted this verbatim myself.
8 month old. She goes to bed around 8-8:30 and stays asleep until 7ish the next morning. We pretty much won the baby lottery as far as sleep patterns go.

What's your secret? Baby wipes out my wife (yes, I do help with baby) and she's just not interested.
My wife is a pretty horny person in general and she reads a lot of erotica too, so that helps. I'm also pretty affectionate towards her (not saying you aren't). At this point it's a reflex to start massaging her feet, legs, back and sometimes other stuff if they are within reach. Chicks love massages.
 
Jesus, I can't stop laughing at the OP. Best laugh I've had all week. I'm sure the OP is a decent guy and all, and it's all a bit less ridiculous in practice, but jeez, that is a strange seduction approach.
 

Papercuts

fired zero bullets in the orphanage.
That's the funniest OP I read in awhile. No need to think about this stuff ahead of time, just do everything in the heat of the moment and roll with it.
 
I dont know if this is a joke thread so im not going to go into detail. I will say this though. No man has every gone wrong with soft kisses on the neck, followed by a blast of cool air on the now moist skin.
 
8 month old. She goes to bed around 8-8:30 and stays asleep until 7ish the next morning. We pretty much won the baby lottery as far as sleep patterns go.

My wife is a pretty horny person in general and she reads a lot of erotica too, so that helps. I'm also pretty affectionate towards her (not saying you aren't). At this point it's a reflex to start massaging her feet, legs, back and sometimes other stuff if they are within reach. Chicks love massages.
I'll give it a try, I think we're just out of sync with one another.

I think the issue right now is it hurts for her ever since she gave birth to our daughter...so she gets scared for a month, but I think with some frequency it should help with the pain. I dunno.
 
1. Confirm launch codes
2. Engage pre-launch checks
3. Confirm targeting
4. Attempt to acquire new target of opportunity
5. ...
6. Apologize to command
7. Launch missile.
8. Activate sleep mode.
 
I'll give it a try, I think we're just out of sync with one another.

I think the issue right now is it hurts for her ever since she gave birth to our daughter...so she gets scared for a month, but I think with some frequency it should help with the pain. I dunno.
We've definitely had the out of sync thing happen more than a few times over the years. If she's having pain she should talk to her doctor because she could have some issue with her pelvic muscles which can cause problems later that aren't just painful sex.

The absolute best thing you can do is talk about it. Sitting around silently wanting sex and not voicing it just makes it worse.

O_O
 
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