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My mom committed suicide last night.
- Thread starter Plasmid
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captmcblack
Member
So sorry for your loss, OP. 
EdibleExplosives
Member
Fucking hell, I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I've had a school friend that tried to do it by swallowing almost 100 pills but his family noticed and he was in a hospital for some days. He has an undiagnosed form of paranoid schizophrenia and he believed his family wasn't his family, but some demons that were posessing his family. I went to talk with him to the hospital and I brought some water. When I gave him the water he gave me this look and I asked him what was wrong. He told me "it's poisoned". I told him that it wasn't and I even offered him to take some of the water myself. He told me "it doesn't matter, you already had the antidote". It was hard for me because it was a friend of mine that I knew for more than 30 years(almost as long as I can remember), we even had a band together almost 20 years ago. Heck, if you wanna have a laugh I dare you to try to listen to THIS from start to end(there a nice guitar solo in the middle that makes it easier). It was pretty shocking(he was really, really thin) and I cried afterwards. It's been a couple of years, he's doing better as time goes by. He's still under lots of drugs. I sometimes visit him and he behaves like a teenager, like he's still a child, doing childish jokes and not really caring about "grown up stuff". It seems like he's happy and that makes me feel better, I love his laugh and he's even fat now! Yet, every once in a while I miss his old self and(I know it sounds selfish but) I don't know if I'll ever get my old friend back.
I've had a school friend that tried to do it by swallowing almost 100 pills but his family noticed and he was in a hospital for some days. He has an undiagnosed form of paranoid schizophrenia and he believed his family wasn't his family, but some demons that were posessing his family. I went to talk with him to the hospital and I brought some water. When I gave him the water he gave me this look and I asked him what was wrong. He told me "it's poisoned". I told him that it wasn't and I even offered him to take some of the water myself. He told me "it doesn't matter, you already had the antidote". It was hard for me because it was a friend of mine that I knew for more than 30 years(almost as long as I can remember), we even had a band together almost 20 years ago. Heck, if you wanna have a laugh I dare you to try to listen to THIS from start to end(there a nice guitar solo in the middle that makes it easier). It was pretty shocking(he was really, really thin) and I cried afterwards. It's been a couple of years, he's doing better as time goes by. He's still under lots of drugs. I sometimes visit him and he behaves like a teenager, like he's still a child, doing childish jokes and not really caring about "grown up stuff". It seems like he's happy and that makes me feel better, I love his laugh and he's even fat now! Yet, every once in a while I miss his old self and(I know it sounds selfish but) I don't know if I'll ever get my old friend back.
While my mother never had access to a gun I spent most of my childhood and adolescence keeping an eye on her. Every 3-5 years she would attempt to off herself by trying to overdose on the psychiatric medications she was put on or by doing something more cringe worthy like trying to drink pinesol and lemonade mixed together. While she didn't live with my father and I very often, she lives close enough that he still, to this day, checks up on her, etc.
A lot of this happened when I was really young or a teen. I shut into myself at a young age from having to visit a parent at the hospital numerous times after having her stomach pumped. What you're going through is going to hurt, in one way or another.
#1, do not blame yourself. I blamed myself for a lot of things for so many years because it felt like it was the only thing I could do when no one else was giving me any direction on how to feel and what to do about it. I turned into an extremely anti-social person who was easily depressed and struggled with many parts of day-to-day life because I weighed myself down constantly.
#2, from what I understand, your mother had some form of an illness that may have not been treated correctly. She may not have been getting all the help she needed for it and may not have realized it herself. It isn't your fault that she, in a way, succumbed to an illness. It's not a point-to-point comparison but try not to focus on the fact that she was the thing that finally ended her life.
People who have heart diseases that continue to eat terribly and never exercise despite "doctor's orders" are the major contributing factors in their deaths. If someone has cancer and will not/cannot seek treatment, they are gambling with their health. As sad as suicide is, it still hits home much harder because there is so many emotional and social factors that are blamed for it occuring. It makes it easier to treat it like something that's more preventable than heart disease and other "genetic mishaps" that cause physical illnesses. People like to think self-inflicted injury from mental illness can be willed away when in reality it is just as much an uncontrollable threat to a person's well-being when untreated as any other physical illness.
#3, give yourself permission to feel crappy, cry, be hugged, take some time off work if you can manage, seek out a counsellor/grief counsellor (and find a different one if the first person you speak to isn't someone you feel comfortable with). Expect people in your family and close friends to be at a loss too. Offer support if you can or point them in the direction of support if you're overwhelmed. Don't try to be the hard, strong man.
#4, don't forget to treat yourself to simple pleasures in life when you're struggling with this. A really good cup of coffee, your favourite meal, buy a nice plant for a bright room in the house that cleans the air (peace lily's are great for this), don't hermit in the house- go for a walk in the daylight and if you have a gym membership, EXERCISE. Even if it's just running for 20 minutes it is proven to make people feel better and will give you something else to focus on. Clear your head, if you will. Don't neglect hobbies, watch your favourite shows, etc. Don't sink into a hole too much, or at least try to be aware if you are and ASK FOR HELP from someone you trust if you are. It feels much better just knowing someone else knows your pain.
Remember, life goes on. Things will feel awful at first but time changes things. Keep yourself busy and don't obsess over the details of events, what you did or did not do. And don't let family and close friends do the same if you can help it.
(sorry if I'm not very coherent, I'm typing this from a touchscreen phone)
A lot of this happened when I was really young or a teen. I shut into myself at a young age from having to visit a parent at the hospital numerous times after having her stomach pumped. What you're going through is going to hurt, in one way or another.
#1, do not blame yourself. I blamed myself for a lot of things for so many years because it felt like it was the only thing I could do when no one else was giving me any direction on how to feel and what to do about it. I turned into an extremely anti-social person who was easily depressed and struggled with many parts of day-to-day life because I weighed myself down constantly.
#2, from what I understand, your mother had some form of an illness that may have not been treated correctly. She may not have been getting all the help she needed for it and may not have realized it herself. It isn't your fault that she, in a way, succumbed to an illness. It's not a point-to-point comparison but try not to focus on the fact that she was the thing that finally ended her life.
People who have heart diseases that continue to eat terribly and never exercise despite "doctor's orders" are the major contributing factors in their deaths. If someone has cancer and will not/cannot seek treatment, they are gambling with their health. As sad as suicide is, it still hits home much harder because there is so many emotional and social factors that are blamed for it occuring. It makes it easier to treat it like something that's more preventable than heart disease and other "genetic mishaps" that cause physical illnesses. People like to think self-inflicted injury from mental illness can be willed away when in reality it is just as much an uncontrollable threat to a person's well-being when untreated as any other physical illness.
#3, give yourself permission to feel crappy, cry, be hugged, take some time off work if you can manage, seek out a counsellor/grief counsellor (and find a different one if the first person you speak to isn't someone you feel comfortable with). Expect people in your family and close friends to be at a loss too. Offer support if you can or point them in the direction of support if you're overwhelmed. Don't try to be the hard, strong man.
#4, don't forget to treat yourself to simple pleasures in life when you're struggling with this. A really good cup of coffee, your favourite meal, buy a nice plant for a bright room in the house that cleans the air (peace lily's are great for this), don't hermit in the house- go for a walk in the daylight and if you have a gym membership, EXERCISE. Even if it's just running for 20 minutes it is proven to make people feel better and will give you something else to focus on. Clear your head, if you will. Don't neglect hobbies, watch your favourite shows, etc. Don't sink into a hole too much, or at least try to be aware if you are and ASK FOR HELP from someone you trust if you are. It feels much better just knowing someone else knows your pain.
Remember, life goes on. Things will feel awful at first but time changes things. Keep yourself busy and don't obsess over the details of events, what you did or did not do. And don't let family and close friends do the same if you can help it.
(sorry if I'm not very coherent, I'm typing this from a touchscreen phone)
I am really sorry to hear of your loss, Plasmid.
I've lost two brothers -- one in a car crash and another to suicide -- and I can tell you that when someone close to you commits suicide, it is about as bad as it gets.
I was close to my brother who committed suicide. We had very similar personalities as brothers of a close age sometimes do. It was about 4 years ago. He told everyone he was going camping; he went down to the lake and shot himself in the head.
If your experience is anything like mine, you're going to be filled with regret. It doesn't matter how many times I told myself -- or other people told me -- that there is nothing I could have done, I couldn't help but feel regret. It stayed with me for perhaps two years. I regretted a hundred different things: hurtful things I said, the way I treated him, the things I didn't do for him, etc. In hindsight, of course, we had a very good relationship, but after a suicide the regret is just crushing. I dreamt of my brother every night for one year.
I have no words of comfort. My only advice is this: grieve. Cry. Talk to yourself and cry. Talk with others and cry. Do whatever you have to do, but grieve. Because with death, you have two choices: either deal with it now and perhaps feel better in a year or two (of course the pain will always be there), or don't deal with it and carry that crushing weight for the rest of your life.
I've lost two brothers -- one in a car crash and another to suicide -- and I can tell you that when someone close to you commits suicide, it is about as bad as it gets.
I was close to my brother who committed suicide. We had very similar personalities as brothers of a close age sometimes do. It was about 4 years ago. He told everyone he was going camping; he went down to the lake and shot himself in the head.
If your experience is anything like mine, you're going to be filled with regret. It doesn't matter how many times I told myself -- or other people told me -- that there is nothing I could have done, I couldn't help but feel regret. It stayed with me for perhaps two years. I regretted a hundred different things: hurtful things I said, the way I treated him, the things I didn't do for him, etc. In hindsight, of course, we had a very good relationship, but after a suicide the regret is just crushing. I dreamt of my brother every night for one year.
I have no words of comfort. My only advice is this: grieve. Cry. Talk to yourself and cry. Talk with others and cry. Do whatever you have to do, but grieve. Because with death, you have two choices: either deal with it now and perhaps feel better in a year or two (of course the pain will always be there), or don't deal with it and carry that crushing weight for the rest of your life.
the_log_ride
Member
I'm so sorry, man. Stay strong.
joeblackisback
Member
Holy shit, condolences man. You obviously know it, but gaf is here as much as it can be.
Warrior_Keoni
Member
Ah man, my deepest sympathies for your loss.
Zod the Bear
Member
I'm so sorry--you have my deepest sympathies. No one should have to go through this.
Stay strong.
Stay strong.
Future PhaZe
Member
I'm so sorry man
Youta Mottenai
Member
My condolences.
Labombadog
Member
Oh man.. I am so sorry for your loss.
Dark Phoenix
Member
Oh man, how horrible... I'm sorry for your loss.
MaverickHunterX
Member
I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences and godbless you and your fam.
RumblingRosco
Member
I'm sorry for your loss.
I do want you to know though that you should solace in knowing that the last thing you said to each other was that you loved each other. There are so many people who don't get to share such important last words with one another. I know that doesn't help much, but it's something you can always keep in mind, and you should never doubt for even a second that your mom didn't know that you loved her.
I do want you to know though that you should solace in knowing that the last thing you said to each other was that you loved each other. There are so many people who don't get to share such important last words with one another. I know that doesn't help much, but it's something you can always keep in mind, and you should never doubt for even a second that your mom didn't know that you loved her.
After my nephew took his own life last october, I found that this is amazingly common. He was bi-polar/No meds. Just try not to blame yourself. Theres nothing you could have done. She wasn't the person you knew, when she decided to do it. I can't Imagine losing your mother to this.
Take it day to day, thats all you can do.
Take it day to day, thats all you can do.
Seven Force
Banned
Wow.
My deepest condolences, OP.
My deepest condolences, OP.
criesofthepast
Member
So sorry to hear this OP. Hope you and your family get through this somehow.
This worries me though as my mom has been dealing with some empty nest syndrome and been talking weird the past few months and overall super depressed. Taking anti depressants for two decades as well.
This worries me though as my mom has been dealing with some empty nest syndrome and been talking weird the past few months and overall super depressed. Taking anti depressants for two decades as well.
RustyNails
Member
Holy shit.... My deepest condolences...Can't even begin to imagine what you're going through.
And I'm an absolute wreck. From what I've heard today she was on a concoction of Ambient and an anti depressant. My stepdad woke up to a gunshot and my mom had killed herself. This was the last thing I got to say to her.
She killed herself at 12:25.
What am I about to go through GAF? I've never lost a parent or lost a loved one to suicide. Anyone have any personal stories?
I'm so sorry man. I don't even know what to say. Damn.
My condolences
PC Gaming Sucks
Banned
Sorry to hear that man.
dispensergoinup
Gold Member
Deepest condolences, OP.. Truly sad to hear about it..
triplestation
Member
oh my god.. i am so sorry ):
Darren_z33
Member
Truly sorry for your loss, hope you have people there for you.
Necronomikon
Member
So sorry dude... you have my condolences!
Agent Ironside
Member
Very sorry about your loss. You and your family will definitely be in my prayers.
everyday math
Banned
God...i'm so so sorry.
All my condolences to you and your family.
All my condolences to you and your family.
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