Pen a good character and few people will find a reason to complain.
Plenty of strong women in the history of fiction, from Queen Dido to Scarlett O’Hara to Ellen Ripley and Xena. All believable people, no matter how fantastic their predicament. They didn’t always win, they didn’t have everything their way, they didn’t always have the perfect rebuttal. Yet everyone can relate with them and appreciate their struggle. Their secret is always the same: good writing. You don’t know how things will turn out for them, and even when you already know the story, the story is still interesting and so is the character.
Compare this to poorly written characters who can’t do anything wrong ever, whose problems are alway other people’s fault, who always have the perfect comeback. These characters would have perfect lives, it’s other people that give them a hell of a time for, ahem, “merely existing”. Their stories aren’t interesting, because the writers clearly don’t think that story matters insofar as the character is representing for some imaginary audience and is sending a message. The smallest things make up the meat of their stories, because the big things are so by the numbers that even the character herself seems to think it’s all in a day’s work. Big meanie threatening the world? Ho-hum, same ol’ same ol’. But getting catcalled or mansplained? Hell no, can’t have that in my perfect world!
There’s no stakes, no tension with these characters. You know from the very beginning the girl is gonna be alright. Exhibit A: Reeva in Obi-Wan Kenobi. A completely uninteresting character going through nonsensical events made up on the spot to show how badass she is (she makes a poor show of it though), who survives in spite of all logic and of course is actually kinda the victim at the end of the story and gets the get-out-of-jail-free card because of course she does.
People who think that the story of a woman struggling for/because of her children is stereotypical and demeaning are the people who really haven’t been paying attention to real women. They should see/read more stories about women struggling about their offspring too, because those stories can get pretty intense. Way more than a chick in a costume fighting against the patriarchy - oh, and saving the world from the biggest threat ever, I guess.
Of course there‘s plenty of more heroic stuff women can do, both in real life and in fiction. Just write it well. Make it interesting. Don’t open your work of fiction with a scene where the female main character is immediately established as both a victim of the system and a badass that fights back with a witty one-liner. In Alien, Ripley isn‘t even established as the main character for a while. Your character isn’t perfect, she mustn’t be if you want me to take her seriously. Your character‘s message should be: THIS woman is strong, not: ALL women are perfect and strong, and this is just one example.
