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[dkoy]

Wooooo! First time in action. Now to just not fuck it up and come back alive.

 

[Zod the Bear]

Wooooo! First time in action. Now to just not fuck it up and come back alive.

Just keep your finger on the trigger and avoid getting hit by alien psyker panic powers.

And...also avoid getting hit by plasma. That's a good trick!

 

[Jintor]

Soulstar: Contacts in the open!

[shotgun blast]

Tangaroo: Right off the fucking Skyranger?! GET THEM!
Lostecho: Roger, firing-
Danj: BLASTING!

[automatic rifle fire]
[SAW fire]

Danj: One down!
Dkoy: More contacts-
Tangaroo: Shit-

[plasma carbine discharge]
[plasma carbine discharge]
[plasma carbine discharge]

Dkoy: MORE FUCKING CONTACTS!
Clevinger: Jesus fuck!

[automatic rifle fire]

Dkoy: IT’S A FUCKING AMBUSH!

 

[hooijdonk17]

Guys.. Maybe I should just hop on a bird and bomb that cemetary to kingdom come?

 

[Clevinger]

 

[Jintor]

Tangaroo: 10 active tangos! Zod, clear the fucking field!
Zod the Bear: Roger, missile out!

[rocket launch]
[explosion]

Tangaroo: Count ‘em as you kill em-
Zod: Killed one-

[assault rifle fire]

Clevinger: -two-

[plasma carbine discharge]

[shotgun blast]

Tangaroo: - three-

[continual SAW fire]
[assault rifle fire]
[assault rifle fire]

Danj: Keeping one locked.
Soulstar: Hit one, but they’re still coming!
Tangaroo: Stay frosty, kid-

[plasma carbine discharge]

Danj: Stay down, you fuck!
Dkoy: Jesus!

[assault rifle fire]

Dkoy: They’re still coming…!

[plasma carbine discharge]

Soulstar: Hrghhhhh.

 

[Screaming Meat]

eeep

 

[Jintor]

Tangaroo: Kid-!

[plasma carbine discharge]
[plasma carbine discharge]

Tangaroo: - ARRGH!

Danj: Tanga!
Dkoy: Shit-shit-shit-
Clevinger: YOU FUCKING BASSSTARRRRDSSSSSS!!!

[automatic rifle fire]

Danj: Tanga!
Tangaroo: Fuck! I’m okay – what about the rook?
Clevinger: He’s bleeding, he’s bleeding!
Soulstar: ---fuuck… fuck me…
Zod the Bear: Shit! Medic!
Clevinger: He IS the damn medic!
Tangaroo: SUI LA! Fucking xeno sons of bitches!

[shotgun blast]

Tangaroo: Kill ‘em all!

 

[Poodlestrike]

Oh god, nooooo!

 

[Jintor]

Danj: Firing…!
Dkoy: Frag out!

[SAW fire]
[explosion]

[plasma carbine discharge]

Zod the Bear: SHIT!
Tangaroo: You okay?
Zod the Bear: Armour took most of it-

[plasma carbine discharge]
[plasma carbine discharge]

Dkoy: Soul! Soul, damnit, stay with us!
Soulstar: I… I…
Clevinger: Just… just try and stay awake, okay, kid?
LostEcho: Frag out!

[explosion]

Danj: I’m keeping this one down, ‘koy, get him!
Dkoy: Ch-charging! Wait, charging?!?
Zod the Bear: Don’t charge, you idiot!

[continual SAW fire]
[automatic rifle fire]

[missile launch]

Dkoy: Hoooolyyyy shi-

[explosion]

 

[dkoy]

Jesus Christ. I missed at that range and had to be bailed out by Zod. With a rocket launcher. Back to basic for me if I make it out in one piece.

 

[Jintor]

Zod the Bear: Don’t run into line of fire!
Dkoy: But I was-
Clevinger: No time! Just kill!

[plasma carbine discharge]

Dkoy: Danj said-
Tangaroo: Concentrate… concentrate…

[ballistic pistol fire]
[plasma carbine discharge]

Zod the Bear: MOTHER-

[plasma carbine discharge]

Dkoy: I- I- gahhh-!!! NO! NO NO NO NO!
Danj: The rookie’s lost it!
Dkoy: PLEASE, NO! JUST-
Soulstar: …hnnnghh…

[vital signs lost]

 

[Baalzebup]

Ye gods... Omega walked into a fucking firestorm. One rookie down and the action isn't letting up.

 

[Poodlestrike]

God, they're everywhere. It's like they knew they were coming.

...

Uh oh.

 

[Jintor]

[automatic rifle fire]

Clevinger: Soul’s gone. Damnit.
Tangaroo: Fuck! How many x-rays left?
Danj: I count just these two.
Zod the Bear: I’m… out of… missiles…

[automatic rifle fire]

Zod the Bear: That’s for Soulstar, you piece of shit!
Dkoy: Souuuuuullll! FUCK! FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS FUCKING-

[plasma carbine discharge]

Dkoy: ARRGHHHHH!
Clevinger: Rookie! Snap out of it!
Danj: Someone take care of that last floating bastard!
Tangaroo: Hey, fucker! Catch!

[explosion]

Tangaroo: Target down.
Dkoy: [hyperventilating]
Zod the Bear: Jesus! Fuck! Get me back to BELIEVE-1 right the fuck now-
Tangaroo: Save some painkillers for me… Danj, Echo, sweep for additional contacts and stabilise the cans – Clevinger, get Zod back on the bird asap! Rookie! ROOKIE!
Dkoy: I- SIR!
Tangaroo: Snap the fuck out of it! Come help me check on Soulstar! We might be- there could just be something wrong with his suit – move it!
Dkoy: …coming, sir! On it…!
Tangaroo: Fuck! What a fucking mission. Fucking Black Grave. Jesus fuck.

 

[Hazaro]

Stand proud, no one could have handled it better.

 

[dkoy]

Terrible performance by me and we lost Soul + a lot of near misses for the vets.

 

[Jintor]

Promotions: SPEC Danj promoted to LCPL

Medical Report: SPEC Zod the Bear: Gravely Wounded, 38 days | PFC Dkoy: Gravely Wounded, 29 days | PFC Soulstar: KIA

Recovered: 8 x floater corpses, 8 x elerium, 8 x alien alloys, 8 x weapon fragments, 20 x MELD

KILLS/MISSION BOARD:
Tangaroo: 14 | 5 (+3)
Clevinger: 10 | 4 (+4)
Zod the Bear: 4 | 2 (+3)
Danj: 2 | 3 (+1)
Lostecho: 0 | 1 (-)
Dkoy: 0 | 1 (-)

Soulstar: 0 | 1

 

[McNum]

Commander, in light of our most recent operations, I believe we have to operate under the assumption that the aliens are viewing us as a threat, or at the very least an annoyance. The callous attack on civilians, and now what appeared to be a direct ambush for our troops point in this direction. However, given that in all of our encounters with the alien menace, we have left no alien survivors, it is difficult to imagine they have much intel on us. All they know is someone shows up and kills them all, and they're probably getting really tired of that.

As for the last operation, the loss of Soulstar is regrettable, but in light of the situation on the ground, we may have gotten off easy on this one. That said, we should consider bringing two medkits on missions for the time being. So someone can heal the medic, or rookie who was acting as one, if they go down.

 

[Erheller]

RIP Soulstar. I'm surprised and relieved that no one else died, that was a crazy mission.

None of them got scratched! Can you believe it? Twenty-four goddamn aliens without a scratch! What kind of monsters are these guys?

Spoiler

He was dead the moment he said that. Almost as bad as pulling out a picture of the wife and kids.

 

[Baalzebup]

That was one big FUBAR mission. I guess we'll just have to be glad that Tangaroo brought most of 'em back home alive.

Rest easy in the great thereafter, Soulstar. Every death will be paid ten times over.

That said, we should consider bringing two medkits on missions for the time being. So someone can heal the medic, or rookie who was acting as one, if they go down.

It seems it will only get worse from here on out.

Sir, If I may, I suggest that we don't deploy more than two rookies in any given sortie, unless absolutely necessary. The most immediate need to cut the milk teeth from a large group has passed and the increased average combat experience will increase the odds of everyone coming back on their own two feet.

 

[Zod the Bear]

I'm gonna beat the living crap out of whoever named that mission Black Grave as soon as I'm strong enough to crawl out of the medical center.

RIP Soulstar I'm so sorry we couldn't stabilize you. I'd like to requisition a medkit for my gear when I'm able to take to the field again.

Spoiler

Shooting a med kit out the rocket launcher at an ally just means ranged heals, right?

 

[Poodlestrike]

That said, we should consider bringing two medkits on missions for the time being. So someone can heal the medic, or rookie who was acting as one, if they go down.

Seconded. One medic in the field is just not going to cut it.

I'd also like to inquire as to how that armor research is going?

First bureaucrat who says "need to know" gets to "know" my Shotgun.

 

[dkoy]

Shit. If only I'd chosen the damn medkit instead of a frag. Soul could still be....

 

[Squoig]

 

[Poodlestrike]

[F]

 

[Incendiary]

RIP Soulstar....you were a good soldier, a good man. No way for any man to die...by the hand of an alien.

We'll make those xenos pay!

 

[LostEcho]

My first mission out and someone die, hope I'm not bringing bad luck!

RIP Soul.

 

[ScraftyDevil]

Hmm, another life snuffed out in vain and we're still no closer to retrieving a live specimen.

Chop chop, people. Science waits for no one and the enemy sure as sleet doesn't either.

 

[Soulstar]

Haha wow I didn't last long.

 

[Jintor]

CLASSIFIED GTA5_ZETA_INDIA // INTERNAL MEMORANDUM >> SPECIALIST TRAINING PROGRAM [[RECORDS]] //
dirops@xcom.int.mil >> centralops@xcom.int.mil

Please see attached for LCPL and above-level training records for final proof prior to distribution. The primary reference list on the PFC-level classification documentation has been updated for reference to SPEC-level troopers, as well.

Regarding your previous correspondence, I don’t have any objections in theory, but we’ll continue to assess each operation on a case-by-case basis. LCPL Baalzebup’s suggestion is also worth taking into consideration.

- DirOps

---

CPL Coolasj19: [Sniper] Squadsight > Lone Wolf > Disabling Shot
CPL Sober: [Gunner] Suppresion > Flush > HEAT Ammo
CPL Tangaroo: [Scout] Lightning Reflexes > Holo-targeting > Ranger
CPL Hazaro: [Medic] Field Medic > Field Surgeon > Smoke and Mirrors
LCPL Clevinger: [Infantry] Light ‘em Up > Covering Fire
LCPL Baalzebup: [Infantry] Light ‘em Up > Executioner
LCPL Lollipop Dave: [Assault] Run and Gun > Close Combat Specialist
LCPL Poodlestrike: [Assault] Run and Gun > Close Combat Specialist
LCPL DecoyPlatypus: [Assault] Run and Gun > Close Combat Specialist
LCPL Aztechnology: [Sniper] Squadsight > Low Profile
LCPL Moonlight: [Scout] Lightning Reflexes > Gunslinger
LCPL Raphael: [Scout] Lightning Reflexes > Holotargeting
LCPL Incendiary: [Engineer] Grenadier > Sapper

 

[Baalzebup]

LCPL Baalzebup: [Infantry] Light ‘em Up > Executioner

I have to say, that bit of training was something else. I hope I can live up to the name.

Spoiler

Mwahahahaha!

 

[Jintor]

CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//INCIDENT REPORT_015//
OPERATION DEVIL’S CALM
<<ALEXANDRIA, EGYPT>>
21 April 2016

STRIKE TEAM OMEGA
CPL Hazaro
LCPL Aztechnology
LCPL Moonlight
SPEC Bassforever
PFC Xeteh
PFC Divinerage002
PFC Scepta

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY:

Strike Team Omega responded rapidly to reports of alien abductions in an Egyptian Naval Base in Alexandria, Egypt, successfully disrupting enemy operations and retrieving one MELD canister while sustaining no casualties.

Enemy forces comprised 2 drone pods [1 x pod of 2, 1 x pod of 3] and 2 floater pods [2 x pods of 3].

Additional Comments: Total milk run. Moonlight got shot once but the armour absorbed most of it. Nearly got ambushed by fucking floaters but judicious scanner use saved our bacon. Rookies performed okay. Heading back to the lounge to watch the live mission feed so I&#8217;ll fill out the rest later maybe.

- CPL Hazaro

---

Promotions: PFC DivineRage002 promoted to SPEC | PFC Scepta promoted to SPEC

Recovered: 6 x floater corpses, 5 x drone wrecks, 11 x elerium, 1 x alien alloys, 11 x weapon fragments, 15 x MELD

KILLS/MISSION BOARD &#8211; STRIKE TEAM OMEGA
Hazaro: 12 | 5 (-)
Moonlight: 9 | 3 (+2)
Aztechnology: 6 | 4 (+4)
Bassforever: 3 | 2 (+1)
Scepta: 2 | 1 (+2)
DivineRage002: 2 | 1 (+2)
Xeteh: 0 | 1 (-)

 

[Poodlestrike]

Damn, Hazaro. Can't you fill out a proper mission report? Tsk, tsk.

Spoiler

Not actually giving you crap, Jintor.

 

[Screaming Meat]

Haha wow I didn't last long.

It's like he's still with us... *sniff*

 

[Scepta]

Glad to see this mission was back to our standards once again. Racking up kills in your name soulstar, ain't no rest for the wicked and that alien scum is wicked alright.

 

[Grexeno]

Been eeeeerily quiet on alien activity recently. Probably planning something big.

 

[Jintor]

The Director has been been busy this week reviewing potential candidates in the San Andreas area. Your continued patience is appreciated.

 

[McNum]

Well, if aliens invade San Andreas, I don't think our intervention will be needed all that much. Just a cleanup crew to gather up what's left of E.T.

 

[Jintor]

INT. BELIEVE-1

CONTACT TEAM ALPHA-BRAVO is strapped in tight to the sides of the Skyranger as the ship pitches and buckles. MUPOD is double-checking her rocket launcher, rapidly disassembling and reassembling a component. Stencilled on one side is a large arrow and the legend &#8220;This Way Towards Assholes&#8221;.

INCENDIARY
Everyone online?​

TIGHT ON COOLASJ19, who is strapped in, inexplicably sound asleep.

SQUOIG
(o.s) Corporal&#8217;s asleep. How can he sleep through this?

FEONIX
That&#8217;s just how he do it. Cold as ice, that one.

CHASING COMETS
This ain&#8217;t the kind of situation where I could be cold as ice, that&#8217;s for damn sure.​

DECOYPLATYPUS leans over. He is smoking a cigar, and gestures with it while he talks.

DECOYPLATYPUS
The Corporal may be an asshole, but he knows one thing for certain: he&#8217;s got our back and we&#8217;ve got his. That clear?

ALL
Hut!​

Mupod punches the rocket launcher back into compact mode and manages to sling it over her back, despite being seated. She looks ill at ease.

MUPOD
Freaking same-day ops. Run me through the op again, Decoy?

DECOYPLATYPUS
Rescue and Retrieval. All contact lost, in come the cavalry.

MUPOD
But why volunteers this time?

INCENDIARY
If the Ops come through council lines then SOP is suspended. Their missions are&#8230; different.

SQUOIG
Different? Different how?

INCENDIARY
&#8230;different.​

Squoig and Mupod exchange significant looks. Incendiary shrugs.

INCENDIARY
This ain&#8217;t Wey-Yu, folks. If the brass knew anything specific, they&#8217;d tell us.

DECOYPLATYPUS
Besides, if ya&#8217;ll wanted to bitch, you should&#8217;ve thought about that before you bloody volunteered.

FEONIX
They must have some hint though. Two shotties on one op? More explosives than I&#8217;ve ever seen in one place outside of the armoury? Vests? This is way out of the norm.

DECOYPLATYPUS
If you&#8217;d been paying attention in the briefing, you&#8217;d remember.

FEONIX
Yeah?​

A warning klaxon sounds, red lights blare. Coolasj19 slumps forward and opens his eyes woozily.

BIGSKY
(o.s; distorted over the P.A.) This is BigSky Airways, coming in for a beautiful landing in St. John&#8217;s, Newfoundland, Canada. Please return your seats and trays to the upright position, and remember: if you leave any guns behind on this here aircraft, they&#8217;re mine by right. Outside temperature is -1 degrees celcius with a high chance of a lot of dead aliens sometimetime soon. Thanks for flying with BigSky Airways and we hope for your continued patronage in the future.​

Coolasj19 groans.

COOLASJ19
&#8220;Site Recon&#8221;, they call it. Site Recon my a- my butt. Christ&#8230; this ain&#8217;t gonna be just any walk in the park, Alpha-Bravo. Be ready for anything. And I friggin mean anything.​

EXT. BELIEVE-1

The ship emerges from cloud cover, a soaring view of the frozen wastes of Newfoundland. The sun is just setting, providing a brilliant view of a small fishing village, apparently devoid of life. The ship roars past, smoothly lowering itself to just above ground level. TITLE CARD fades in:

OPERATION PURPLE CROWN​

 

[dkoy]

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. So it begins.

Spoiler

The dreaded chrysallid whale mission.

 

[verbatimo]

I have a bad feeling about this.

Stay safe people.

 

[Jintor]

CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//INCIDENT REPORT_016//
OPERATION PURPLE CROWN
<<ST JOHN’S, CANADA>>
21 April 2016

CONTACT TEAM ALPHA-BRAVO
CPL Coolasj19 (Sniper)
LCPL Decoyplatypus (Assault)
LCPL Incendiary (Engineer)
SPEC Mupod (Rocketeer)
SPEC Chasing Comets (Assault)
SPEC Squoig (Engineer)
SPEC Feonix (Gunner)

--- PROJECT DIONYSUS I FIRST DRAFT EXCERPT ---

EXT. WAREHOUSE OFFICE

BELIEVE-1 swings down low over a dock, hovering in place as troopers rapple down, drawing their weapons as they land.

They are quiet. Disciplined. The squad immediately rushes to the near door. Coolasj19 braces against the side, reaches down, and lifts the garage door up in one smooth movement.

Decoyplatypus rushes forward immediately. He hesitates for a half second.

COOLASJ19
Do it.​

INT. WAREHOUSE OFFICE

Decoyplatypus nods. He lifts the garage door. As he does so, an anguished SCREAM sounds out, fading into a low roaring. Decoy pivots immediately, his flashlight revealing a ZOMBIE clambering over a truck just outside the building, drawn by his light.

DECOYPLATYPUS
New contact!

COOLASJ19
Human?

DECOYPLATYPUS
…humanoid. It’s closing…

COOLASJ19
Better safe than sorry.

DECOYPLATYPUS
Comets, Mupod, get your arses up here!​

The two named troopers rush in, Mupod into the Office, Comets around the side. Simultaneous shotgun blasts, followed by a quick burst of SMG fire. A window shatters and the zombie falls, SHRIEKING as it collapses.

MUPOD
So, aliens and zombies, huh. What’s next? Vampires?

CHASING COMETS
Sparkly or non-sparkly?

DECOYPLATYPUS
I can’t wait ‘till we get to the giant robots.​

 

[Jintor]

INT. WAREHOUSE OFFICE

COOLASJ19
Enough jawing – on me.​

The team forms up, advancing into the office, flashlights arcing, casting shadows. There are signs of a struggle, more than just Mupod’s recent redecorating. Faint groans and screaming can be heard in the distance, muffled by the walls, but there is a conspicuous lack of gunfire.

SQUOIG
You hear that?

FEONIX
Roaring?

INCENDIARY
Chittering. (Grimly) Bugs.​

Squoig mutters something under his breath, looks around, and freezes. Slowly lifts his rifle, speaking softly, urgently, but quietly.

SQUOIG
Contact right… contact right… it’s moving…

FEONIX
Where? What?

INCENDIARY
I’m with you… wait for it… wait for it… now!​

Two quick bursts of gunfire; some bullets connect, but the zombie is unphased. It clambers over the same truck its compatriot did, moaning, and stumbles towards the door. CLOSE ON IT as it raises its arms, when the barrel of a shotgun darts into frame, slammed up against its chest.

CHASING COMETS
Goodnight, sweetheart.​

BLAM! A sonic explosion. The zombie staggers backwards, dully, but arms shoot out, arresting its fall. Its head twists, unnaturally, to look at Comets, who is shocked the creature isn’t dead.

CHASING COMETS
The fu-
​

BLAM! A second blast rings out. The zombie is flung backwards into a wall, a splash of gore landing on the shocked Comets’ face.

DECOYPLATYPUS
Tough bastards, huh?

CHASING COMETS
You can say that again.​

 

[Jintor]

EXT. WAREHOUSE OFFICE

The squad has regrouped, moving cleanly through a door to the side, ducking from cover to cover. Mupod ducks briefly over a fallen zombie and prods it experimentally with her gun. Its skin is greenish in tone, but it does not move.

EXT. MARKETPLACE

Coolasj19 motions with one hand, and the team fan out. They are moving into the market, lit by the flickering glow of a burning building. Incendiary and Feonix are looking at a giant shark, hanging from a pole by its tail.

FEONIX
They grow &#8216;em big out here, huh?​

Decoyplatypus brushes past him when a ROAR rings out across the market. A form stumbles out of the burning building; another zombie, clutching its stomach. It does not seem to have noticed the group.

DECOYPLATYPUS
Zed&#8217;s across the marketplace&#8230;

COOLASJ19
Let him come to us.​

They spring into action. Coolasj19 clambers up a pipe while everyone else scrambles for positions. A tense moment.

SQUOIG
It ain&#8217;t coming&#8230;

DECOYPLATYPUS
I&#8217;ll get its attention.

COOLASJ19
No, wait-​

Decoy&#8217;s shotgun discharges, shattering a window. The zombie&#8217;s head snaps up towards the source of the noise, but a sudden burst of chittering fills the air too. Two CHRYSALLIDS LEAP into frame behind the team, SHRIEKING WILDLY.

FEONIX
Shit!

SQUOIG
Oh, fuck!​

Gunfire fills the air as the squad whirls around, but the bugs are unphased as they charge the group. Two more chrysallids have joined them. More SHRIEKS and SCREECHES as behind them, in the darkness, other dimly-glimpsed forms begin moving &#8211; getting closer by the second.

 

[decoyplatypus]

Looks like we've got a busy night ahead of us. Glad we brought extra explosives.

 

[Sciz]

Aw shit, Newfoundland already? Godspeed, gentlemen.

 

[Grexeno]

Squoig might wanna

back up a little.

 

[Jintor]

MUPOD
CLEAR THE BLAST ZONE!​

The squad don&#8217;t even pause to think, vaulting over barricades and dashing to reorient themselves against this terrifying threat. As the bugs approach, Mupod is glancing up, then down, up, then down, watching the HUD on her rocket launcher. As Incendiary baseball-dives to cover, Mupod swings the tube over her shoulder in one smooth, practiced motion, aims, and fires.

A MASSIVE EXPLOSION. One bug disintegrates completely, limbs flying, its thorax blasted backwards into its compatriots, all of whom &#8211; while still standing &#8211; are rearing backwards in simple-minded, bestial terror.

COOLASJ19
Grenediers, SOP, SOP!
​

Squoig is already ahead of him, the primed grenade already leaving his hand. Another EXPLOSION, smaller scale. The squad ducks as shrapnel and severed limbs rain down upon them. Feonix peaks around a corner.

FEONIX
Is that it-?​

A bug SNARLS and lunges, but a shotgun blast catches it in mid-air, hurling it backwards. Chasing Comets emphatically pumps his weapon.

CHASING COMETS
(low. To Feonix) I always keep this handy. For close encounters.

FEONIX
I hear that.​

 

[Jintor]

The zombie that started all of this off staggers into view. Incendiary whirls, filling it with lead, but it doesn&#8217;t go down. But the squad have more pressing issues, as another burst of chittering fills the air.

FEONIX
Next wave!​

LMG fire softens the first bug, and a blast from Decoyplatypus&#8217; shotgun finishes it, sending it flying. Another bug is right behind it, and another.

DECOYPLATYPUS
Come and get it! Come and get it, baby! Who&#8217;s up next, you bastards?!?​

Decoyplatypus reacts like greased lightning, smoothly chambering another round, shooting them both as they rush him. One snarls and darts around him; the other summersaults backwards, spraying green blood everywhere.

The survivor rears threateningly over Squoig, who staggers backwards, one hand bracing against a crate, when there is a thunderous shotgun blast.

The smoke clears to reveal Chasing Comets, covered in red and green gore, who gives Squoig a grin.

CHASING COMETS
Saved your ass.
​

Squoig grunts, and whips his rifle up and around, firing a controlled burst. PAN LEFT to reveal the approaching zombie, taken by surprise, crumpling.

SQUOIG
Cheers, I suppose.

CHASING COMETS
Aww, don&#8217;t be like that.

SQUOIG
We can compare dicks after the zombie apocalypse, alright? I&#8217;d rather like to get out of this alive.​