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Cyan · May 17, 2012

NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #51: Mirrors

Theme: Mirrors

Optional Secondary Objective: Unified metaphor/imagery

Stick to a single metaphor class throughout your piece.

Submission Deadline; (PST)

The deadline is next Friday, the 25th of May 2012.

Voting Deadline; (PST)

The deadline normally runs over the course of the submission deadline weekend.

* Rules Etc
* Archives Part 1
* Archives part 2
* Previous Challenges: 1 to 49
* Op Template

iavi · May 17, 2012

Fancy indeed.

Ashes · May 17, 2012

vanity or truth... Nice theme.

Grakl · May 18, 2012

You can dance in front of mirrors. It's pretty fun.

crops55 · May 21, 2012

Feels lonely in here. If I get my work for class done early I'll try and produce something.

Cyan · May 21, 2012

crops55 said:
Feels lonely in here. If I get my work for class done early I'll try and produce something.

Doesn't it? Don't worry, we've still got a few more days.

crops55 · May 22, 2012

Found some time today. Won't have time to get back to it this week unfortunately so I'm posting early.

Asking Alice

And again you left your face inside my mirror
As well as all the space between your sides
Is this visage really you my dear?
Or rather what the world prescribed?

Now you are gone away with vagrant paces
Searching for your lost reflection
Why is it that you stray from complacent faces
Inside each mirror for new direction?

Daylight dreamer, wide-eyed sleeper
Why do you find the ones who wear the crown?
Turn away you keyhole peeker
Less is more to keep your head from off the ground

So little girl I must implore you
Let your curls unfurl upon each ear
It is you who must adore you
If you want your face to leave the mirror

iavi · May 22, 2012

Just make sure to pop back by and vote!

crops55 · May 22, 2012

I will definitely have time for that. Although I know next to nothing about poetry so I hope any criticism I give doesn't come off as too shortsighted.

iavi · May 22, 2012

Don't worry about that. I'm pretty sure everyone just jots down what works with them and what didn't. I know that's what I do.

crops55 · May 22, 2012

Well there will be no issue giving subjective conclusions. It's what most humans do best.

Ward · May 24, 2012

Vivid

Ashes · May 25, 2012

Poem of the week

Night
From Songs Of Innocence
by William Blake (1757-1827)

The sun descending in the West,
The evening star does shine;
The birds are silent in their nest,
And I must seek for mine.
The moon, like a flower
In heaven's high bower,
With silent delight,
Sits and smiles on the night.

Farewell, green fields and happy groves,
Where flocks have took delight,
Where lambs have nibbled, silent moves
The feet of angels bright;
Unseen, they pour blessing,
And joy without ceasing,
On each bud and blossom,
And each sleeping bosom.

They look in every thoughtless nest
Where birds are covered warm;
They visit caves of every beast,
To keep them all from harm:
If they see any weeping
That should have been sleeping,
They pour sleep on their head,
And sit down by their bed.

When wolves and tigers howl for prey,
They pitying stand and weep;
Seeking to drive their thirst away,
And keep them from the sheep.
But, if they rush dreadful,
The angels, most heedful,
Receive each mild spirit,
New worlds to inherit.

And there the lion's ruddy eyes
Shall flow with tears of gold:
And pitying the tender cries,
And walking round the fold:
Saying: 'Wrath by His meekness,
And, by His health, sickness,
Is driven away
From our immortal day.

'And now beside thee, bleating lamb,
I can lie down and sleep,
Or think on Him who bore thy name,
Graze after thee, and weep.
For, washed in life's river,
My bright mane for ever
Shall shine like the gold,
As I guard o'er the fold.'

http://youtu.be/mJBxxRofYoA

yep, i saw the youtube vid randomly and just needed a reason to post it.

Cyan · May 25, 2012

Last day for poesy!

crops55 · May 25, 2012

FO-totality · May 26, 2012

...and crappy speed poem writing powers activate!

Spherical

I keep my eyes down
Its hard to look at.
That round sliver dome.
To show what is coming
To show where I've been
To show what looms for me
For me to see my present state
For me to see the ones around me
For me to see the space I fill
It's meant to warn me
It's supposed to protect me
It's there so I can see what is coming next.

I call bullshit.

British Monsoon · May 26, 2012

Through glances caught in the shattered glass
the man recoils in fear,
in the mirror's surface what would come to pass,
reflected, a future near,
so, in fear the man flees, with fateful steps,
terror he had come to find,
as onwards the sands of time slowly crept,
while fate grimly clouded his mind,
with images wrought from a vision of hell,
a future he just could not bare,
upon those torturous scenes his mind did dwell,
as down he dove, down deep in to despair.

Grakl · May 26, 2012

Square

I keep my eyes down;
It's hard to look at.
Damn, I'm ugly.
I tried to apply some makeup
on to my cheeks and my nose
and some on to my forehead
but all I can see is what I look like now:
an ugly person
who wants to look around me
and find out the wonders of life.

I call bullshit.
Through glances caught in the shattered glass
the man recoils in fear
at my face.
Why am I so ugly?
Maybe it's because I don't want to be pretty.
I'll just put some more makeup on
and try to figure out if
my future self will look more like a celebrity.
After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Cyan · May 26, 2012

Shadow

A monstrous silhouette
beyond the threshold

Familiar. Frightening. Wrong.

Its shadow carries through the gloaming,
battering at the doorway,
dim where bright should rule

Cold, the darkling form, hard-edged, grim.
It pushes, always pushes
yet it dare not cross the threshold

Of silvered glass.

Ashes · May 26, 2012

on writing,
by ashes.

Dear Sairah,

Your innocence & trust is wonderful,
But I am not a good fit,
Please don't read those words of mine,
And interpret them to be me,
They're what I see,
They don't reflect me.
It's important that you know this,
I'm not here to mislead,
I consider you a friend,
And friendship is built on honesty.

I know you're on my side,
But heart on heart,
that thing we talked about,
I know now It'll never happen,
So I've put it aside.
Yet do I not walk on?
Golfing alone in the moon light,
And I'm completely fine.
As long as there is dew on grass,
and warmth in the reader's grasp,
And love is there to be found,
I carry the quill,
For no other reason but that
I like the sound...

Yours sincerely,
Ashes.

ps. In the end, I suppose being in love helps,
to grind like a needle on a record,
And go for another round.

Ashes · May 26, 2012

crops55 - Asking Alice
Ward - Vivid
FelixOrion - Spherical
Bootaaay - Through glances caught in the shattered glass...
Grakl - Square
Cyan - Shadow
Ashes1396 - on writing

Grakl · May 26, 2012

Slow week.

crops55 · May 27, 2012

1. Cyan - Excellent word choice. Silvered glass sticks out to me for some reason. Although normally I find I have a hard time attaching myself to non-rhymed poetry, you've fashioned excellent imagery through your choice of words. Good poem.

2. FelixOrion - Sometimes what one feels is hastily procured can produce honesty and originality. Even if you don't feel same, I feel like this poem flows quite well. ("Its" needs an apostrophe)

3. Bootaaay - Very solid poem. Great pacing and rhyming.

FO-totality · May 28, 2012

1. Grakl - Indeed it is, now allow me to return the favor. It always seems your poems are an island of humor in a sea of dark poems, thread after thread. I'm glad I got the humor poking this week.

2. Crops55 - Pretty cryptic, I thought; made me focus and dig and scratch my head, but in a good way. (And grammar error noted, thanks.)

3. Bootaaay - I always enjoy the very "snapshot" nature of your style, and I always enjoy reading about descents into madness.

British Monsoon · May 28, 2012

1. Ashes1396
2. crops55
3. Cyan

HM; FelixOrion, Grakl

Grakl · May 28, 2012

Votes:

1. Cyan - Shadow
2. Bootaaay - Through glances caught in the shattered glass...
3. Ward - Vivid

It always seems your poems are an island of humor in a sea of dark poems, thread after thread. I'm glad I got the humor poking this week.

Happy to make a smile, haha

Cyan · May 28, 2012

1. Ashes1396 - on writing
2. Bootaaay - Through glances caught in the shattered glass...
3. FelixOrion - Spherical

Yeah, I saw "I call bullshit" a second time, was confused, then saw what was going on and got a good laugh. Clever.

Ashes · May 29, 2012

1. bootaaay
2. grakl
3. ward
hm. cyan, felix & crop

crops55 · May 29, 2012

Okay so I can't get decent feedback for this anywhere. Will someone be so kind as to spare a few minutes of their time and tell me what they think of this? It would be greatly appreciated(and yes, Cyan, I lifted your word

) :

And Then...

A starless night, a severed moon
Silvered light spilled in my room
Curtain lace of virgin white
Quivered with a virgin’s plight
Windows wide to wind that trails
Distant sighs on rusted rail
While clockwork greets the day’s defeat
With song that sweetly soaked in
These thoughts that bled, dripped from my head
Into the soundless ocean

Ashes · May 29, 2012

I'm not sure about the soundless ocean reference. Nor the imagery of virginity. But I think the middle three lines are best.

Windows wide to wind that trails
Distant sighs on rusted rail
While clockwork greets the day’s defeat.

Especially,

Windows wide to wind that trails.

There's an originality there not in the rest of the poem. Good stuff.

crops55 · May 29, 2012

Ashes1396 said:
I'm not sure about the soundless ocean reference. Nor the imagery of virginity. But I think the middle three lines are best.

Windows wide to wind that trails
Distant sighs on rusted rail
While clockwork greets the days defeat.

Especially,

Windows wide to wind that trails.

There's an originality there not in the rest of the poem. Good stuff.

Thank you for your honesty. It's weird, as I get this a lot, people tell me they like a certain section and it was the one I spent the least amount of time on. The soundless ocean is the subconscious as I fall asleep. I rather liked that bit...is it not a strong connection/image/feeling? Also which line of the virgin stuff is vague?

Ashes · May 30, 2012

Go with what you like I suppose. Sometimes, unintentionally some pieces of my writing, when I glance at it at a later date, give the effect of straining to impress, when at no point, in my thought process, do I consciously attempt to do so. Maybe natural effortless poetry is best. If I'm honest, I don't know.

And if I'm really honest, sometimes, Good poetry is good, because it's just when two people's tastes align. Sure that taste improves, the more you look at poetry and prose. The easiest way to explain it is this. You look at a drawing, and you think, oh this is really good. Then you see a hundred drawings, and the paintings sort of blend in, and then you really see where someone's piece stands out as good and some others that are not so good. Maybe you read a couple of hundred books on the subject matter, and you know why this failed, or that excelled, even if a lot of people didn't or don't.

So in effect, at first glance, without really engaging it, I'm seeing contradictions [soundless oceans/ oceans, seas are often referenced for their sounds. "you can hear the sound of the sea in a seashell, donchayaknow!], and things in the piece, that appear not to be needed there, the virginity aspect. So I try to be careful which cognitive libraries I call or address.

Soundless oceans, don't to me conjure up ideas of the sub-concious, or drifting into it. That may only be me though. But had you said, your dreams were akin to soundless oceans, it automatically makes me latch onto those two ideas, and makes me think in the right direction. And as you explained it, muted oceans, and dreams.. and now, I can think of your poem in this way.

You can do this with any poem. Take for example, from my own example: golfing alone in the moonlight.

What's that about? the notion of playing by your self. For your self. Golfers on tv always play in front of an audience. Golfing in the moonlight, I wanted to say, was me trying to explain the experience of a wannabe pro-golfer, playing not for a crowd, but playing for himself. Why at night? well, by then the crowds have gone home. It's also darker, and lonelier. The moon light is a reference to... well you get the idea. Sometimes you feel your way around emotions, and hope the reader feels or at least sees what you see. Sometimes the telekinesis is instant with something or someone we are familiar with. I know what the author is saying, its clear and I believe him. <I suppose this is just me as a reader.

Which leads me onto the virginity part. It feels like an outlier...

Cyan · May 30, 2012

Hups! Totally forgot about the votes. Tally coming shortly.

Cyan · May 30, 2012

Winner: Bootaaay!

Vote Count:
Bootaaay - 9 (1)
Cyan - 7 (2)
Ashes1396 - 6 (2)
Grakl - 5 (1)
Crops55 - 4
FelixOrion - 3
Ward - 2

Well done, B! Dual writing crown.

Ashes · May 30, 2012

Cyan said:
Hups! Totally forgot about the votes. Tally coming shortly.

Right on cue for the Poetry Thread. You learn fast master Cyan. Congrats Bootz.

British Monsoon · Jun 2, 2012

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive Thread #01 to #55

ahoyhoy - Freedom
Alarif - Light Blue Reminds Her, Second Movement of Discordia Part 2, Uncanny, The Balloon, Untitled, A Game of Cat, Mouse & Fuck Bioware, Blessed, Won
Amir0x - A painful note, Battlefield Bliss
AnkitT - Gray Areas, Point of View, I See, Internal Conflict, Sightsee, The Circlejerk, Be Pee, You Expected a Title? Really?, Development Hell, Cover Your Eyes, They Say I Talk in Obsoletes, Collective, Sensory Deprivation, Nuclear Winter, Deception, Cremation, Match Made in Heaven, Nobody Came to Mine, Hot Douche, Asylum, Deadbeat, Happenstance, It's Personal, Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40, Untitled, Fossil, Placeholder, If Only, Don't fight back, and see what happens., On again off again, Open to Interpretation, Open Your Mind, Dead;We, Life as a statistic, Cheap death, Frayed, Plagiarism
Ashes1396 - Left and Right, Trouble Belongs to Me, The Head & Tails of it All, Blind Faith, The Brain, the Heart, the Kidneys, Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs, Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide, und sex?, Golden Phoenix & River Thames, Nobody has time in the city of London for anyone else, Developers, or a poem written in one go in under ten minutes, Soft dreams treading on winter nights, Live, War Torn Machine, Taking Flight From the Nest, The Abominably Rich Man, Prison, A Pure Winter's Daughter, Mechanical Heart, Frightened Rabbits, The brevity of life, Valentines day is over; see you next year!, Don't be sad John., Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle, Thief, High Seas, Why Believe in Hope?, Time, my best friend, What a Wonderful World, The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!, Lonesome Boat, Death Likes War, till we awake, Sleeping beauty, Rest amongst the lilies, Hometown Glory, Mindless violence? Fuck you! - A Youth Cut Rhapsody, Her Words, Walk Not Alone, The unkempt poet on Old Holloway road, We are in this together., Torn, Open for Business =/= The Cracks in the Ceiling, Spectator at a Fireworks Festival, A modern retelling of a Shakespearean tragedy, A Grandma upon hearing her dear friend was ill..., Of plants and trees., Broken Homes =/= Childhood dreams, Free Escape, Lacklustre Song, Ghost in the Rain, When the tea is cold, What's the point?, Murder, Turning to flames, Lea Valley, Steam Punk, The city is too big; I want to go home, Pale Under Blue Lights, Death Bed, Quarter of A Thousand Nights, on writing, and things are left to the heart, there she goes..., Opus #34
Beelzebozo - Letters
Bootaaay - Untitled, "Happy" I muttered, trying to pin the word down, November Rain, Vuvuzela & Untitled, Delirium Tremens, Poor Gary Coleman, Nimbus Watching & Crocodile Tears, An Ode to Oscar (the former life of the party), Nerevarine, Trev & Bill's night out on the town, Bastogne, A Man Out of Time, A Dose of Reality, The Storm, The Tower, Smaug, Winter's Shroud, Gone to Ground, Live to Regret, The Sourceress & Current Affairs, Beneath the Waves, Morning Dew, Sea Spray, In the ink deep blackness of night-time's embrace., Ticker Tack, Vigil, Carousel, Death Rattle, Where the Wind Blows, The Road Yet Travelled, A Summer Death, From the ashes of empires we rose once more, Bloodied & Torn, Crows, Streets of London, A Wasp Among the Hoverflies, Either or Or?, Corpse Lights, Sea Wall, Unknown, Wake to See the Sun, Brimstone, Shroud, Whiled Turkey, Deceit, Caged, The Piecemeal Soldier, Sunny Disposition, Dawn, Untitled, Cold, Untitled, Seer, Sunset, Sailor, Spires, Worm Stripped Fingers, Smoke, Tarnished and Torn, Hunter, Forgotten Things, Frayed, Through glances caught in shattered glass, Beneath a Blackened Shroud, Autumn Dreams, Dead Marshes, Untitled
Botolf - I Heard Something, The Lights, O Musician
ChiefKief - He Carries On
Clear - Falling out of Love with the Future
Copernicus - A Cause to Celebrate and A Chance to Fall Apart, Beneath the Surface - Excremating to the top
cory - I'm not that Fond of Ramen
crops55 - Asking Alice
Crunched - Promise, Steam, Such Bugs, 01101001001000000110000101101101, Regular Whore, Schrodinger, Watch
Cryptozoologist - Untitled
Cyan - Goals, George Washington & Ashes1396, Adrian Brody, Untitled, Slow, the End, a single bone, Shadow
Dartastic - Untitled, Untitled #2, Within - "Fear"
Davedough - Concious Babblings of a Frail Psyche
disappeared - January 27th, maybe tomorrow., Ape Shit, at last, following sirens, "NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #50: A Cause to Celebrate or a Chance to Fall Apart", Entry #2, chief conductor eats the apples that grow on trees like dew
Divine - Life or Death
Dresden - Chipping Away at the Statue, Old Callisto, See-Through Lenses, It's always within you, Cristiano Ronaldo & They Call it the Vuvuzela, Alarif, Said the Monkey to the Monk, Galactic Trooper, Expectations, Orange Everywhere In This Bitch, High & Low, Scuttle, Ferry, Untitled, Broetry, I ain't caring, just wondering, bind, --(a dreary song, sung by men with whip-scars on their backs.)
dvolovets - An Elegy for a Forgotten Artist
Esiquio - Dust of Men

British Monsoon · Jun 2, 2012

FantasticMrFoxdie - The Ending*/, Our Binary Star, "If the center of our universe is in constant change, Then I was the mean."
FelixOrion - The Gaseous Pipedream is a Dream No More, Oceanic, Disconnected Reality, "On the Riverside", Nothing, Spherical, Layers, The Bigger Picture, Sealed, Stain the Earth (Beyond the Facade)
Flink - Your Bed
Freezie KO - My Flag
goldlion054 - The Girl at the Grocery Store, The Abandonned Neighborhood, That Day
Grakl - A New Beginning?, If it Pleases You, Fear of the Known, Like the Stench from a Tomb, Hammer and Tongs, Welcome to the Jungle, "Call My Psychiatrist and Tell Her to Fix English for Me", Falling Apart, and A Reason for Celebration, Square
half a moon - Untitled
H.B. - I've been tired for a year and ten days
hey_monkey - Afterward, In Summer, Chiggers: A Dream Song, Cyan Hobbes, Just One, Untitled, For Monica, Jeddah is Drowning
Igoritza - Untitled
Irish - Faint, Down the Street & Journeyman, What Have I Done?, B Covers Bread As Well, Never Always, Live the Life, Lock, Mud, Lack of Focus, How It Is..., Ever, Continued, Cement, Went Out, The View, Return
Jangaroo - Tomorrow, Now
John Dunbar - An Ordinary Chap, A Winter Wonderland, This Morning in the Kitchen, Wake Up
Karakand - Steampunk's Not Dead
kid ness - Me, Coin Flip, The Angry Man, Sandbox King, The Market, Somewhere a World, Lizard, a letter
The Lamp - Melanoma
LiQuid! - My lifelessness, I have always valued..., Gold Rush
lopaz - Untitled
MaxSteel - Poem #1, Interior
Melchiah - Beneath the Flesh
Mike Works - Desire
Miri - Sheath, Entry With Ego, Saboteur. Society. Cycle, As the Sirens Sang in the Halls of He., The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind, Warm, Wild, and Starving, I Am, Upon the Town of Red & Blue. Repeat, Fallen Angel Felled, Wander walks with Lucidia, I am Arlevana. I am Villain, Wander walks towards an Intro, Shallow Gouge, Old Man, Victros, Her Name, Vaccine., Safe with 2-ply, The messenger, laugh as he does tell, I've heard your wishes, woman, now -- let me sleep as I do., Goes my love,, don't dare nod, To be buried, Uke, Thorough. Through, Cowardice crafted Cowardice, For the scent and serenity of home, From Shoddy Construction, Ludgar, a town past the sea, The Travelers
Monocle - Untitled
More Fun To Compute - Things and stuff
Mudkips - Interior
Nix - Bitter Dreams; Sweet Relief
Neutrality - Goodbyes, Sunne, Vincent, Theo Baldwin's Final Entry, About a Queen, Smoke and the Feeling of Weightlessness, Forever Yours, Autumn in Empire, Aside, Myself
Nightshade1765 - Reterning the key to the Rightful Gatekeeper
NotTheGuyYouKill - Untitled
OrangeGrayBlue - A Trip to the Moon
Osietra - Untitled, Untitled
PolarBearsClub - Forgetting Birthdays, Guest
Plywood - The Masochist, Again
Plumbob - Untitled, The Witches Wade South, Control, Untitled
Raguel - Untitled
RDreamer - Two Days Short of Forever
Reneledarker - The Stolen Eternity
ronito - Vespers
Salvor.Hardin - A Weathered Man, A Virgin Afternoon in the Arabian Desert, Of Jungles and Lights, Beyond the Horizon, A Soldier For All
Seam - The Tearful Moment/The Sane Moment, Located moment, senses poem.
SoccerGoaliePro - Untitled
soul creator - Overanalyze
soultron - Untitled, Embodied in Copper
Snowman Prophet - Indigestion, THE BOOK OF SEGA GENESIS
tehrafe - She was the one, Hero
ThLunarian - Untitled #1, Untitled #2
ThoseDeafMutes - Tab Explosion
Tim the Wiz - All We Humans, More Love, The Waning Earth, Glorious Field, Utoya, Stardust, You, Mother's Christmas Song, The Harbinger's Screams, Another Waking Soul, The Choice, Conquistador, Family First
Timedog - Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck), Nothing
Tragicomedy - Absence
Trip Warhawkins - A Meaningless Affair, The Coward Says Goodbye, Chained to the t.o.s.
Truth101 - Partings, Alone we wonder, I walk the light, Captain
ULTROS! - Room
umop_3pisdn - Untitled, Cellular Matrix, Like sand drinks water
WanderingWind - Untitled, Untitled
Ward - Puffy Chicken Pickle Chips, A Muddled Puddle, A hymn for the Exploited, Born in 1921; Airborne in 1944, Words Want for More, Producers Do & Producers Don't, Vivid
Zamorro - Time Well Spent
Zapages - Prince & Farah Meeting in the Two Thrones
ZephyrFate - Dislocation, ZephyrFate, Niche in the Canyon, Left Behind, Untitled
ZeroRay - Whimper

British Monsoon · Jun 2, 2012

British Monsoon · Jun 2, 2012

Cyan said:
Well done, B! Dual writing crown.

Ashes1396 said:
Congrats Bootz.

Thanks guys

New thread is up now, apologies for the delay x_x

NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #52: Sailing Against the Storm

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NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #51: Mirrors

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